- Thread starter
- #25
ms spock
MyPTSD Pro
Please don't do this to yourself. What I write is in stark contrasts to many moments of each day. I am very human and I slip and slide all day each day. I struggle each day. I have improved so much but life is still really difficult for me. I am wanting to get to the point of self compassion where I don't beat myself up all the time. I have lost it at the moment and I have regressed back into the eating, dissociation, maladaptive daydreaming, obsessive thinking, bargaining, binge TV watching, living in a parallel timeline/story in my head etc.It’s an impossible standard that you set for the rest of us sometimes @ms spock . It’s both awesome and inspiring to watch.
I have a lot of willingness to build new skills, learn new things, work on myself - but I am doing it to the point that I am torturing myself and attacking myself in multiple ways. I can always find a way to find fault in myself.
The real me isn't so good, but the real me isn't so bad either. I am pretty messily human and I learning to accept that's okay.
It's about turning up as best we can, and some days I do it for periods of the day okay and not for other periods of the day.
And sometimes I just freeze for parts of the day - it's still a thing.
In the real world if you can get it right 50% you are doing amazingly well. It's learning to accept and be kind to the 50% you don't get right that is the trick - to acknowledge what is with self compassion and not self condemnation. Making a space for the anxiety, depression, PTSD, accepting that it is there, and then kindly challenging your own distorted cognitions.
It's only in a classic Hollywood narrative film it all ends happily ever after creating an angst about the messiness of life. And no matter how good you are, things are still going to go wrong at times and that doesn't mean you are bad or wrong, it just means that sometimes things go wrong.
I have a lot of guts and courage, and I have gone far beyond what I thought I could do, it is amazing that I am doing things that I am doing, but it is also amazing that people come here and make the best of the hand that they have been dealt. I get inspired by everyone at different times when I am on this forum.