What have you seen me do right?

[ms spock]

It's been a week of affirmations. Karen said to me today "You have so much experience! You just need to back yourself! You’ll be fine!!"

 

[ms spock]

I did it right yesterday and instead of beating myself up and reacting I accepted that it wasn't my fault and was willing to sit with the issues and they weren't that big of a deal. When I don't react so much things are just that not much a problem.

 

[Changing4Best]

I like that you share info here. We all need that! Hang in there, @ms spock , you have said some nice things to me and maybe I cannot recall what you said, but I remember how you made me feel, (good) and that is all that matters.

 

[ms spock]

Growing exponentially each day. Damn it I am experientially avoidant, I keep catching myself, the only way is to be honest about how you feel. It's a really alien thing to do

1. Be in your body
2. feel your feelings
3. acknowledge your feelings
4. be present with your feelings
5. admit to yourself that you are having feelings
6. not smash yourself to bits for having a feeling
7. not torture yourself for feeling different for having feelings different to someone else's feelings
8. not binge eat to smother the feelings
9. not spiral into to shame and humiliation for having feelings
10. Not self harm due to having feelings
11. Go okay that wasn't so bad hey?
12. Feel wiped out.
13. Be perplexed what more feelings like on the same day?

 

[Teasel]

I've read the majority of your diary, though I've not kept up recently. But in the past year or so you've written several times about being really happy. Almost brought me to tears to read that. Shows a level of being able to relax and let go and enjoy that you just weren't able to do previously. And I think that's absolutely huge.
Best x

 

[Missycat]

I just want to ‘ditto’ what a lot of the others have said. I see someone who has come so far, got up when down, persisted in the fight to get well / feel better, shares experiences - the good and the not so good.
I remember you welcoming me to the forum and popping in with goodies to chat. I honestly cant put into words how you made me feel when i joined. I had just started therapy, newly diagnosed, felt lost and in pain and you were one of the ones who helped me at the start of my healing journey. I mean that @ms spock *hugs*

 

[ms spock]

Thanks @The Albatross, @Changing4Best @berlinda and @Missycat it means a lot.

 

[ms spock]

I had a break today. It was really good to have a break. I took today off so I am there for my partner as well as just managing everything that needs to be managed. I am doing a good job.

 

[HealingMama]

Ms Spock, I don't know you that well but I see you working really hard and striving and trying to apply what you have learned and over time creating more safety for yourself within yourself.

I mean even just asking this board for positive feedback. That's huge. That's such a healthy thing to do - asking for what you need, without shame. I'm proud of you.

 

[Chiqui]

You have been facing so many things, outside and inside, for the last two years or so. Things that I am still terrified to face. You have brought into my life the yes, it can be done. Your brave heart, wisdom and honesty have been and are an inspiration for me. And you are a generous teacher, sharing here how you do/face/experience different situations and feelings. Also the distorted cognitive behavior... As I see it, you are doing SO WELL ???!!!!

 

[ms spock]

Thank you @HealingMama and @Chiqui it means a lot. It helps to have a place to read that is positive feedback about my life.

 

[Sideways]

When you wrote about your first teaching experience, it was a terrifying read. After all that time training, you found yourself in a job that would cause many (most?) to give up the profession entirely, for the sake of the sanity if not their personal safety.

You didn’t give up. Despite everything else going on for you, everything you’ve been through, all the perfectly legitimate reasons you had to simply quit, walk away and give up - you’ve gone back. Found a new job, determined to succeed.

It’s an impossible standard that you set for the rest of us sometimes @ms spock . It’s both awesome and inspiring to watch.