What helps you when you feel suicidal?

[EveHarrington]

What helps you when you feel suicidal?

I ask as I have a friend who has been battling suicidal thoughts for almost a year now.

I ask because although I have had more attempts than I can count, my suicidal thoughts are more of the impulsive the moment variety while his are more of the pervasive planning variety. Yes, he has multiple potential plans. No, I’m not attempting to play therapist. Yes, I told him he can call me anytime he needs help and I’ll get him to the people who can help him (wellness call, 911, ER, whatever it takes). Because, well, sometimes you can’t make that call yourself.

I try to listen to him even though his thoughts scare me. Yes, he sees a doctor and he’s going in for a med change tomorrow, BACK to the med that helped him the most, but stupid insurance regulations required three med fails (of a one month duration) before they’d cover that med that worked the best. (Sigh.) He’s also in the process of finding a more effective therapist.

My question is what helps you when you are feeling suicidal? I know we are all different...I just want to help support my friend...especially since the next few weeks will be rough due to the med change, and therapist change.

What can other people say to you to make you feel supported?

He trusts me more than anyone else because I “get it”....I understand more than anyone else in his life, even though I know I don’t fully understand.

Thank you.

 

[whiteraven]

Nothing.

 

[joeylittle]

What can other people say to you to make you feel supported?

Being reminded that relief and death are not the same thing. You don't get to experience relief when you are dead, there is just nothing. That believing that death is the only way to get relief is an understandable but dangerous trick of the depressed mind.

Something else that helps me...and I am sure this would not help everyone: I read up on where the latest research is, in re: suicidality, recurrent depression, etc. It helps me to keep (my) chronic suicidal thinking framed as an illness - that way, I can't easily slip into believing my own thoughts.

 

[cherileisman]

Very good question

 

[Mach123]

I'm really sorry you feel like that. I called the Samaritans and the nurses at my PCdoc and suicide hotlines. IDK how long I was like that. Most of my adult life on and off I had SI, starting in my late teens. You know I never say this but I'd hug you if I could. I have been reading you a longish while and honestly, I'm sort of surprised to hear you say that. I like reading you and often laugh out loud at your comments. I consider you bright, articulate and intelligent.

All that being said, I was bright, articulate and intelligent and I couldn't shake off the depression. I feel it still, I'm just not suffering from it anymore. Every time people tried to talk to me about it I just felt more pain and I don't want to do that to you now. I just want to offer you that I feel better and if that's the case it means you can too.

What I did or what happened to me was I accepted (with a ton of help) "what happened to me caused what I was." I was having SI (mostly in my opinion) because I could not accept what I was or how I felt because it was bad meaning I was bad. I'm not bad. I'm abuse reactive. I wasn't bad then, I was abuse reactive. Being abuse reactive can be treated and to whatever extent, corrected. Don't allow (and I mean this so gently I know it's hard) what happened to you to define you. Don't let the abuse you suffered make you turn on you. Self-loathing is something I know so well.

So, you can tell me I guess if you want. IDK that I can help but I'm happy to try anytime! If nobody else tells you they love you today I do. Now, if you can and when you feel strong enough, try and help someone who is in more pain than you. I'm so proud of you for saying you feel like that BTW. It means you want to be better, so I'm confident you will. : )

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm really sorry you feel like that. I called the Samaritans and the nurses at my PCdoc and suicide ho...

Hi, I think you replied to the wrong thread.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

The sure-fire only thing that keeps me from acting on those impulses is that the animals that know me and I take care of would miss me, and that I have to be here in x number of months or x number of weeks or x number of hours even so I can take care of them. I think the same thing would apply with any animal or responsibility. I think about how confused my dog would be and how even when I left for a week at school before I came home she would sleep by my closed door and I couldn't do that do her.

I also just think about other people, the good people in my life who would miss me and sometimes need me and how I can't hurt them like that. This doesn't help as much because I know humans can heal these kind of wounds and rationalize. Animals don't. I think it's one of the reasons I take my client's older animals passing away so hard. They have literally saved my life at times.

 

[Mach123]

: )

 

[whiteraven]

The sure-fire only thing that keeps me from acting on those impulses is that the animals that know me and I take care of would miss me,

This is me, too, at least before I've crossed over that line. I can remind myself over and over that my cats would be so lost without me. That sounds really arrogant, I know, but what I mean is that we have a really tight bond - I get them and they get me - and it would be hard for them to adjust without me, I think.

I've gotten to a point, though, where I think they would be better off with someone else. That's the line. Nothing helps anymore.

 

[EveHarrington]

Today, I just sat and listened. He told me about some of his plans. I asked if he had any desire to act on those plans and he said no. He said what mainly stops him is his mother. I asked, what happens when she’s gone? He said he didn’t know. He also knows that his death would really mess up his daughter.

I know of one of the places he’d go to attempt, as he took me there awhile ago. I’d never attempt there as death wouldn’t be certain. He fcking knows that....former EMT who has done rescues there where people have survived. JESUS!!! He asks what stopped me when I’m feeling impulsive. I told him it was the fact that I’d had a number of fails already and I don’t want to fail again. As messed up as that sounds.

I worry about my friend.

 

[Mach123]

It doesn't sound like you guys should be spending time alone together? I would think you would say "I know you trust me and all that but you need real help I can't give you." If he has you to "be with" that might be keeping him from getting with a therapist or counseller which is what he needs. Sounds like "playing with fire." Sorry. : (

Hi, I think you replied to the wrong thread.

I apologize, I can only offer an excuse. In going too fast I did not take the time to read carefully and my brain crossed this up and even after I read it several more times I still didn't get it. So, I'm sorry.

 

[EveHarrington]

It doesn't sound like you guys should be spending time alone together? I would think you would say "I...

He has a new therapist. His doc saw that he was reassigned in the computer. I just asked him if he made an appointment yet. Believe you me, I’m not gonna let him get away with not seeing anyone because that’s too much stress on me!

He just talks. I let him talk. I’m not suicidal right now. I did a three week inpatient/outpatient stint at the hospital and I’m not having suicidal thoughts since my meds were upped.

And he rarely talks about it... I’m not going to ditch him right now because things are precarious with the new meds and a new doc. I’m not playing therapist. Just listening and validating him while encouraging him to get professional help. He knows I can’t do anything but listen and then haul his ass into the ER (which he knows I WILL do). I’m not a professional and I can’t save him. He doesn’t put this stress on me when I can’t handle it.