WOW!
This thread has been a REAL eye-opener. I'm reconsidering whether or not I should be on this forum as perhaps with my perspectives I might create a problem, especially with regards to this issue.
I don't find it necessary to get into specifics with regards to facts, as on this end and in my work with survivors of psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists, it comes down to experiences and they ALL have a consistent pattern of behavior, both the disordered AND the predictable fallout with survivors. I am not a professional, I do not have a Master's, not even a Bachelor's and my greatest educators have been doing my own research work, some formal education, specifically in abnormal psychology, but most with survivors, as well as my own experience with the disordered.
I take great issue with the DSM. It is specifically for clinical dx, however, it is very clear that the majority of the Cluster B's are NOT going to get a dx, particularly the 'garden variety' Cluster B that live and walk amongst us in our communities. They don't think they have a problem and are sorely lacking in CONSCIENCE. When I was in college and taking my abnormal classes, I developed a good working educational relationship with my professor and we discussed the DSM classifications vs. personal experiences at length. She said something to me I will NEVER forget, "Psychology doesn't have many statistical facts as it is NOT an exact science, for every question answered there is yet another question." I have found this to be very true with my work and in my education.
One of my sticking points with finding a therapist was that they had to have experiences having worked with the disordered or very familiar with what the disorders are, enough to validate a survivor's experience without the benefit of diagnosis. I found one and THANK GOD for that. It makes a monumental difference for survivors to be validated. The extra gift I have received with this therapist is that she has worked with the disordered. They don't stay in therapy very long, but she told me that when she sees them, she KNOWS right away because they are SO extreme and in her words, "they fill up a room". No kidding.
My issues with the DSM and why I'd be considered 'loosey goosey" about it, is because I keep in mind that there is a lot of money riding on the dx's within its pages. The new version is particularly disturbing, guaranteeing inaccurate dx's, big pharma profits in over medicating patients and unfair labeling that will surely hurt those who receive those dx. The dx of any patient is at the discretion of the clinician and there are many out there who display disorders themselves. Not all, but a few. I do not consider therapists to be all knowing because they've graduated from Grad school. I've met some of the WORST therapists one could imagine and they did more damage than good. I never forgot those experiences, which is why I was so careful in choosing my latest.
Anyway, while I don't think it's right to apply labels to behavior that may 'look' like a disorder, because in this light, ANYONE could display any of the number of behaviors that are the disordered make up of an anti social or narcissist, however, there IS a specific pattern of behavior, CONSISTENT over time, that leaves no doubt about what the disorder is and does. My father is a psychopath, never diagnosed. He displays every single characteristic and has his entire life. The abuse inflicted is not something I'm willing to discuss here just yet, but the damage to me is so very clear, as to those around him, as he has left a myriad of emotional carcasses in his wake. The countless victims are those who suffer day in and day out at the hands of those who display NO empathy and are contemptuous, manipulative, pathological liars, arrogant, haughty, display shallow affect and are the Kings and Queens of the pity play. These are people who have no boundaries and will push survivors to the brink, if allowed to do so.
This is so unfortunate because in the work that I do, survivors often have no place of validation, most especially in the therapeutic environment. Validation of a survivor's experience by a disordered one can mean the difference between healing or continued confusion, unnecessary pain and continued, or worsening PTSD that can evolve into other disorders. I have had survivors come to me who are an absolute mess and those of us who support them, are often NOT professionals but are nonetheless educated, either formally, through hours and hours of research and working with this population.
I have a blog that focuses on survivors of psychopaths. I email with, phone session with, have seen, survivors in the immediate aftermath. I'm humbled to say that once they work through what happened to them, those who are motivated to do so, will move forward, but that cannot happen without validation of their experiences with the psychopath. If I were to adhere to the DSM classified version and to merely 'suggest' that this MIGHT be the case, given the predictable behaviors out of psychopaths and the consistency of them, with regards to the survivor's partner, they may never heal. The abuse of these people is so outside the realm of your everyday run-of-the-mill abuser. These people are capable of absolutely the most deviant behavior because they don't have that little voice of conscience that prevents them from executing harm upon their victims. This is what psychopathy is all about INEVITABLE HARM. They are addicts. The reward center in the brain is literally lit up each time they create a reaction, or harm to another human being. Their risk taking behavior is beyond abnormal and there are studies now that reflect this. They often come with co morbid conditions of alcoholism, PTSD, drug addiction, hoarding, gambling, spending, and I have yet to meet ONE survivor who has had a psychopath in her life who has not cheated on her. They are incapable of monogamy and are extremely hyper sexual. The more successful psychopaths carry a higher degree of narcissism reflected in image projection of wealth, professional success, and a path wide and varied of victims stomped on in their climb to the top. My father was one of these. My last ex psychopath, was one of these. Like chameleons they can switch personas at the drop of a hat and do for every individual they come into contact with. They are low reactive and show little to no anxiety. Many of them can fake it but it's very, very short lived due to their shallow affect. They are Master Manipulators and crazy making, rewriting history spontaneously, gas lighting is one of their favorite games, as well as triangulating others, stalking, smear campaigns. They are what is considered to be 'high conflict' cases in court, filing appeal after appeal, failing to show up in court, using their children as weapons against the survivor. They are government officials, politicians, corporate CEO's, murderers, child molesters (pedophiles), chronic adulterers, parasitic (even if they have their own money), your next door neighbor, your spouse, parent, child.
And most of them are NOT diagnosed unless they are caught and/or court ordered to take a FULL psych eval.
There are many books out about psychopaths now. I think I have read them all. I have researched for hours online, read many articles, everything from neurological changes and brain function to behaviors. I'm constantly educating myself about the disorders so I can better assist the survivors I work with in making sense of their experiences so that they have validation. Psychopaths do not provide closure for a survivor and never will. When the psychopath is done with his victim, he discards her in the cruelest of ways, with smear campaigns, accusations of abuse, trying to take her children away in custody battles, stalking. Psychopaths will go the mile to publicly humiliate and degrade her. The reasons are so obvious as not to be spoken, but it's important to understand this disorder in simplistic terms, rather than scientific 'facts' because her fallout leaves her in a major FOG, and uncontrolled PTSD. If the psychopath had nothing to hide, his waging war on the victim once the discard of her has passed, he wouldn't go to the lengths he does to further attempt to destroy her. They know exactly what they are doing. They just don't care. They are cold and calculating in their sadistic exploits. Seeing a psychopath isn't difficult. I keep one thing in mind when I see them: they advocate for the destruction of others in their clear lack of empathy. They have extreme contempt for those most vulnerable, yet at the same time those most vulnerable make viable targets for a psychopath on the prowl. Half of the survivors I've supported, in the last two years, met their predator on a dating site.
Perhaps because I'm advocate and care so deeply about the survivors that I've assisted in helping them get onto the road to recovery, seeing the devastation of their aftermath, the DSM is merely a statistical bible of mental health disorders, there for clinicians to dx conditions that are to be done with discretion and carefully. I understand this, but this matters not to an extremely wounded male or female survivor who is caught in major cognitive dissonance, ruminating and wondering what the hell just happened to her.
When you listen to these stories long enough and to hundreds of them, patterns emerge of the psychopath that are undeniable. They are UTTERLY PREDICTABLE.
To the poster above, who spoke eloquently of her abuse, and the DSM: I validate your experience. I don't know why I feel it's important to say so. I think you know best, your experience and what to call it and personally, the DSM doesn't matter when you're dealing with your PTSD and/or other disorders caused by the insanity of one very destructive, purposely harmful individual.
I think it's very dangerous not to educate about the disorders and to invalidate victims because they don't have a dx about their partners, their boss, their parent, their child, etc. Too many psychopaths know they can get away with their behaviors and in doing so, there are victims aplenty. Education is important and I spend and dedicate my life to educating and supporting, spreading the word as do many others in what is a very SMALL field that greatly needs increasing.
Having said that, I also encourage survivors to work on themselves, once they have educated themselves about the disorders. There is a patternized shift that happens during the recovery process in that when the survivor is first out of the relationship, it is all about understanding what happened to her. About his disorder, but after a time, it becomes about her. Survivors do not like it when I ask them to take responsibility for their choices. Psychopaths are enormously deceptive and do much damage, but the most dangerous stage of the relationship is the luring/honeymoon phase. This is where the psychopath is most deceptive and effective in luring a vulnerable victim. Boundaries need to be established, values reassessed, moral defined for themselves individually. Oftentimes these survivors cannot afford therapy, although I highly recommend this and try to assist them in finding adequate support, but sadly, more often than not, it doesn't exist. VERY FEW therapists are well versed about the disorders.
The truth is that even though psychopaths are excellent at predation of vulnerable victims, the victim is not helpless and makes a choice to get involved. They are not handcuffed into the relationship. These relationships are one of the biggest lessons in life that can teach at a very significantly deep level, for as deviant and lacking in conscience as the psychopath, the survivor often is equally as empathic and has enormous depth, compassion and care. These qualities are what will help her get through the process, but I have found that many survivors project blame either onto those helping them or onto the psychopath and choose not to move forward because it's not learning about the psychopath that is the hardest part of recovery, the hardest part of recovery is looking within. Survivors are terrified by this and many will deny, avoid, lash out, stop talking to me lol, because I DO encourage this. Healing cannot happen without understanding WHY they got involved with such a disorder in the first place. There is a deficit in the survivor that allowed this character disordered individual into her life. That's what I encourage them to explore. For those that do realize they need to change and what got them into the relationship, if they are willing to complete the process, they have great hope of going on to live a somewhat normal life, but this is also dependent upon how much damage has been done.
I think I will just keep reading. I'm learning a lot about PTSD here and finding I don't agree with some of it, but in other areas I do very much agree!
