What Is Going On??

[deleted]

Hey all!

So recently all of my "safe spaces" have been stripped away from me. My car was a big safe spot for me but since someone called 911 on me when I was having a panic attack in my car I don't feel safe there anymore. The bathroom in my home was another big one but we have contractors in our home for the next 2 months and they are always going in and out of there so if I happen to be having an episode in the bathroom all of a sudden there's a strange man on the other side of the door which just makes everything worse. And the list goes on.

My brain is now in a constant state of "freak-out" because it has no where to go, nowhere to hide and be safe. So I think it's trying to create new safe places or something but the latest episode of this is freaking me out. When I'm driving, theres this spot on my windshield that my brain locks onto as a "safe spot" and when this happens I can't look up from it, move my eyes, the worlds around me becomes fuzzy and I feel like I'm underwater or something. All I cant think about is that spot and how dangerous it is to look away from it because it's all that I have in that moment.

I haven't had a crash...yet and somehow I always make it where I need to go. I wish I could stop driving but I have to and I don't have anyone to drive me places or the money to pay an Uber every time I need to go somewhere. It just comes out of the blue when I feel unsafe or get triggered in some way. I don't know what to do or whats going on really. I have my theories and my therapist isn't even sure what to do right now. He said he would think about it but I'm afraid guys.

 

[Lucycat]

So recently all of my "safe spaces" have been stripped away from me.

For me my 'safe place' is a place inside my head. That is what T taught me, so I can find my safe place wherever I am - Of course I mean emotionally safe rather than physical safety. That is a different issue entirely and I have no issues there.

 

[Justmehere]

What you describe doesn't seem strange at all to me, but like your brain is trying to find a way through this and is in fight or flight mode because it can't find a safe spot to land. It's trying to protect you.

Have you considered creating an imaginary safe space? They have done studies that have shown this kind of imagined place can be fairly powerful for the brain. It's not the same as a real space, but it's a very common trauma therapy technique. It won't help while driving, but maybe it can become a place you can access on your own, wherever you are, before you hop into the car? Another thing my therapist does is have me try to connect to any part of my body that feels at all safe, no matter how tiny. Google "imaginary safe space trauma work" and you will find a lot of great articles and resources on how to create and utilize such a space. One thing my therapist had me do was to journal about an imaginary safe space in as much detail as possible. It all sounded really silly to me at first, but it's actually helped over the long haul when I'm triggered to imagine this place. It provides real help in the here and now even though it's all imaginary.

It's tough to have real safe spaces taken away, even temporarily. :hug:

 

[deleted]

What you describe doesn't seem strange at all to me, but like your brain is trying to find a way thro...

Thank you for your kind words! It's a relief to know this doesn't sound too strange to someone! I've tried imaginary safe space work for awhile in therapy but I can't even imagine a imaginary place that is safe. My therapist and I finally gave up on it. Maybe i'll look into trying again though! Thank you!

 

[Milo's papa]

@Katiee_co, my wife has the ssame issue, she can't find a physical safe space anywhere, no matter how hard she tries.
Her T had her picture the most serene place she could imagine then draw a picture of it. It turned out to be a field of flowers on a mountain cliff. Now when she needs to go a to her safe place she accesses that image and sits there until she feels she can come back. Sometimes it's only a few minutes, sometimes it's for hours. The important thing is that she feels safe there. She is still able to function in the real world, she just knows that nothing/no one can hurt her there. It's something worth working on. Your T can help you find this place, but it does take awhile.

 

[Justmehere]

Here are a few threads that might help:

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/mental-imagery-study-with-dr-robert-roerich.1182/#post-24097
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/imagery-to-find-safe.46645/#post-746168
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/safe-place-imagery.20855/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/guided-imagery-too-new-age-perhaps-not.6687/#post-106003

One of the alternatives alternative to safe space is to imagine putting the hard stuff in a box. Sometimes this is called containment imagery. I couldn't do this at all. I did once write down the fear and feelings I was feeling and I physically put that paper in an envelope and handed it to my therapist to keep. It kind of worked to help get my head there in another way. I also found it helpful to google and look up guided imagery stuff that other people use. I can't connect with most of it, but it started to help me to eventually be able to get there.

Another option to address the "constant state of freak-out" is to ground. It may sound silly, but things like holding ice and using strong mints connects the body and brain to this moment now, and less connected to the feared past or the feared future. I have been able to stop a full blown panic attack this way. This sort of skips the cognitive work and goes right to the physical fight or flight activation that is happening. Once that activation is lowered through grounding, the brain is better able to evaluate what is safe and not safe, and how to manage anything that is unsafe. When you feel your brain locking up (which seems like it's trying to find a safe space while dissociating from the whole environment) holding a frozen water bottle, even in your lap, might help get your brain to be a little less unstuck.

An important thing to remember about grounding tools, and all of these tools, is that they become more effective with practice. Even if it doesn't help the first time, keep trying. Most of my go-to grounding skills didn't work at all the first 5-10 times I tried them. It was annoying as all get out to keep trying them. It helps to practice them outside of triggered moments. The brain/body to be able to be grounded when triggered if it has some procedural memory of what it was like to ground when it was easier to do so, when not so triggered. This might be hard to do right now, but it will come more with time and practice.

I hope you do find something that works for you.

 

[Celtic]

Hey all!

So recently all of my "safe spaces" have been stripped away from me. My car was a big safe...

Katiee-co

my heart goes out to you ...I have reread your note several times and I have been thinking about how to respond... I get how unsafe you are feeling right now and I wish I could show you how not alone in this you really are... I bet the huge changes and invasion of strangers in your home is sending you in overdrive...I believe trying to become grounded so you can breath is essential right now... This will take all of your available energy and every spare second you can give it. choose a chair or a place to sit .. the least likely place someone will walk in on you...I am not sure what you use to become present in the moment.. but I ask for help from the universe and keep asking until I get a response...I practice breathing in and out over and over again until I calm down... I walk and I whisper things to myself that have worked for me in the past...I sob and I cry This latest setback has taken me weeks to overcome and I am still not fully back but I am far better than I was. I am sorry if my point is not clear I am just trying to say choose the smallest easiest thing that makes you feel better and repeat until you come back from the abyss. sending you tons of positive energy.

Celtic

 

[EveHarrington]

Can you go to a real safe space in your mind? Maybe a family members house (grandma/grandpa) or a vacation destination. I oftentimes do this myself.