What is hypervigilance like for you?

[white hyacinth]

I'm trying to understand hypervigilance more and how it applies to me. The typical hypervigilance you read about is sitting with your back to the wall, scanning the room for threats, etc, but I know everyone is different and unique. How do you experience hypervigilance? Is it typical or something a little different?

 

[hodge]

For me, it is always being on alert, watching for danger from anywhere. I, too, always position myself where I can see the door and watch out for anything that might happen.

 

[DharmaGirl]

It is jumping and screaming at the slightest noise. It is being sure there is something bad around. It is waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is lots of screaming.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I do a lot of weird things I believe are due to hypervigilance. I tend to look at everyone around me with suspicion. When coming to a stop while driving I always leave plenty of room between cars so I can make a quick getaway (always planned). Always looking for trouble (hidden meaning) in the words people say by analysing for threats and intently staring into people's eyes, I guess in an attempt to see potential danger coming. Maybe I'm attempting to see their soul through their eyes if that makes sense. I know I sound crazy...

 

[white hyacinth]

I do a lot of weird things I believe are due to hypervigilance. I tend to look at everyone around me with...

you don't sound crazy. i look for hidden meanings in people's words too. i am always trying to read people's facial expressions/tone/etc to see if they mean harm. i try to guess what kind of person they are and if they're safe right off the bat. it always seems like people have some ill intent. i try not to give anyone too much personal info. i don't trust anyone.

 

[Tinyflame]

I did not feel I was at all hypervigilant, because I do not scream (that would be more dangerous), and I internalize how I feel much of the time- white knuckle , so my heart 'drops' or I get panic, but I can keep it under wraps fairly hidden, provided I'm near an unblocked exit. But then I realized I am up all night, or 'do checks' every hour if necessary, or 'wake up' standing at the window after a 'relevant' sound (threat, but not necessarily the obvious threats, rather ones that are laden with past meaning to my past), used to sleep in my jeans and eventually footwear at one point, or I think' what the friggs that super-loud sound?.. :shifty:', and it's a (quiet) clock ticking 2 floors away. Or someone leans and I think they're keeling over and jump up to react. The other day I heard something- thought, mouse in the wall? -No. Electrical short in the wall..? -No. It was the fizz off a soft drink in a glass very very far away. So, nope, I'm not vigilant whatsoever. :whistling: And that doesn't include triggers.:meh:

So stuff like that. Oodles of stupid stuff and reminders. And though people look better in sun glasses, I despise them, can barely carry on a conversation if they keep wearing them if I can't see their eyes.

 

[EveHarrington]

Mine is like the Olsen twin to paranoia. You know, to the outside observer they look identical but underneath they're not.

 

[Freida]

When coming to a stop while driving I always leave plenty of room between cars so I can make a quick getaway (always planned)

I am showing this to my hubby!!! I do this and I've never been able to convince him it's a "thing" :)

wake up' standing at the window after a 'relevant' sound (threat, but not necessarily the obvious threats,

I knew I needed help when I woke up standing in my kitchen with a knife in my hand and no idea why

I sit directly behind the bus driver so I can see who is behind me in his mirror.

 

[PointlessExistence]

I don't indulge in hypervigilance naturally but sometimes I put myself there on purpose. It gives me a respite from my inner turmoil, as I trade my self-hatred for self-preservation from outside threats. It's literally an escape for me. It's funny how one man/woman's poison can be another's medicine.

 

[Friday]

I have to draw a really hard line between vigilance -useful- and hypervigilance -not useful-.

A few examples:

- Vigilance = I may bolt up out of bed ready to fight when a person enters my room (or come all awake, but play asleep).
- Hypervig = I bolt up out of bed ready to fight when a mosquito farts 3 houses over :shifty:, or attack the person in the room without target identification :bag:

- Vigilance = Situational Awareness : I know everything going on at all times, and am acutely wired to any change in that situation, anything "wrong" pops like it's lit up by neon, and I can adapt fluidly.
- Hypervig = Overwhelmed by even the most mundane situations, I can't parse any of it, much less respond quickly and accurately to any piece of it. Everything "pops". Everything is too bright, too loud, too much.

- Vigilance : I can identify by sound alone the various positions & movement of those around me; people, vehicles, games children are playing, animals, etc. Visual confirmation is mostly an extra, that I apply fleetingly to fill in the details of my mental map, keeping most of my attention on what I'm doing. ((Classic example of having a conversation with automobile parts employee and "randomly" plucking child attempting to sneak off with one hand, whilst snatching the falling wrench the guy at the counter behind me has just dropped, with the other, all without pausing in conversation with stunned employee. Moms get that look a lot. // Hey. I can carry on a 3 way conversation while driving a car people are shooting at (the assholes shooting at me, the person beside me, and the radio), be reloading a weapon, and STILL not hit any pedestrians -nor mistake firecrackers for more assholes that way- turn that way. Multitasking multilevel awareness is my motherf*cking balliwick.))

- Hypervig : I have to visually assess and dismiss everything that comes into my sphere of awareness, and still freaking jump at -or misidentify- things I'm already aware of being there. I can't even do ONE damn thing at a time, much less half a dozen. OMG THE CEREAL!!! And the bowl overflows, and I knock over the milk, end up throwing the box halfway across the room, and just end up collapsed on the floor sobbing into a puddle of milk, while the dog licks me. Yep. Can't pour cereal into a bowl. Check. Outstanding. Why? Because the box was brightly colored and stole all of my attention. And then I forgot how to stand up, apparently. And now I WOULD stand up but the texture of the floor under my cheek is more than moderately alarming, and my fight instinct has kicked in, and I'm having to not punch the floor. Wait... I don't own a dog. :banghead: f*ck. f*ck me. PAY ATTENTION. To. The. Things. That. Are. Important. Aaaaaargh. I suck at life. And now I'm out of cereal.

 

[bento]

Always positioning myself so I can keep one eye on the door.
Locking things up religiously even though I live in a very safe neighborhood
Constantly scanning the environment and rating people who come close as to whether or
not they're safe
Staying awake at night, sometimes all night if triggered, so I can be ready for attack
Keeping my whereabouts secret as much as possible
Feeling safer driving on dangerous mountain road than I do in my safe house in safe
neighborhood.
Always want to be the one to check out weird noises (I want to make sure I identify the
noise, don't trust someone else to do it)
Feeling better when armed (pepper spray and hunting knife)

 

[Nessa7]

-Subconsciously picking the most uncomfortable chair in the room
-Jumping when someone comes into a room, even if I was expecting them
-Randomly discovering that part of my body is completely tense
-People thinking I don't trust them because my body is so tense when I feel normal or maybe even relaxed
-Falling for every jump scare in a movie