What Is It With Everyone?

[circe47]

I want to preface this post by saying that I try really hard to give others respect and try very hard not to interrupt when someone else is speaking.

That said, why does it seem like everyone in my life doesn't reciprocate by NOT interrupting ME whenever I try to contribute to the conversation?

I really feel that this dynamic has led to my fragmented thinking and way of relating with others, as it has, upon reflection, always been this way.

A typical interaction with others is them dominating the conversation, and me barely getting past "yup," "mmm...hmmm," "right," in response before they take over again. In short, people talk and talk and talk AT me not WITH me.

My son says it is because I take too long to get to the point. Yet, when allowed, others talk NON STOP, happy when I do my "yup," "mmm...hmmm," "right," responses.

Anyone else have this problem……and how do you deal with it?

 

[darrenS]

use your hands....rather than try and gain traction with your voice...use your hands ..raise them , put a finger out there as a point to hold the conversation up, and take it from there ...use body language ..if speaking to someone and they become overpowering...move your foot slightly into their sphere ..use body language as much as verbal language

 

[sonicwhite]

I have troub;e trying to make my point. I try so hard for everyone to feel my emotions cuz I just want ppl to experience what I go thru..........For the longest i didn't know I had PTSD, I thought I was being disicplined by my Higher Power........Oh how wrong i was and led to a type of thinking about a all Loving all Knowing Father. I don't mean to step on toes so that's the fartherst i will go with it,

 

[circe47]

Good point, darren-

My sister does this, along with a "let me finish," before continuing. It doesn't have the same effect for me. I always feel very invalidated and as if the people in my life see me as stupid. This is the general pattern in my interactions with others.

 

[circe47]

Sonicwhite-

I completely understand the point you are trying to make. I figured the violence directed at me was deserved for some mistake that I must have made at some point in my life. I now don't feel that way so much, but see my experiences as blessings that taught me how NOT to behave towards others. Through pain comes compassion and I wouldn't undo the abuse even if I could.

I am not religious, but I am spiritual. One of the best teachers to exist was Jesus. Whether supernaturally divine or or merely mortal, his teachings were spot on. I consider myself in very good company.

 

[sun seeker]

I think I understand your frustration. I have such a hard time in "conversations" where people don't listen to each other. "Conversations" in quotes because they aren't conversations, they are monologues with another person there to talk at. My solution? I avoid people like that as much as possible. Being with them exacerbates my anxiety too much.

A Native acquaintance says in the Dene language the grammatical constructs are such that you don't get the point of what a person is saying until they are done saying it. I don't know if they put all the qualifiers first and the subject last or what, but he says the language is set up so you have to really listen when another person is talking and can't be jumping ahead in your mind to what you are going to say back. That would make conversations actual interchanges. How refreshing.

 

[Born to Run]

I agree with @sun seeker in that I avoid such people too. There is no point in trying to try to break through their monologues as they are not interested in you or your interaction with them. Besides, I am not interested in people holding monologues. Behind your struggle could be issues on your side with not being seen or acknowledged in the past, because you manoeuvre yourself in situations in which you do not seem relevant. It is about claiming your space, becoming more present and more seen.

 

[Friday]

There's also very different conversational styles.

Moving around so much as a kid I had to learn to talk a bunch of different ways... Because people speak differently from region to region. Not just accents, and the rhythms that go into them... But whether conversations are dynamic enterprises (a single thing everyone adds to... Southern California & gaggles of teenage girls almost everywhere are notorious for this, but a few regions use it as their norm. It's very fast, and very fluid, and very tangential. Like 'the quick and the hungry' gotta dive right on in), or listen/reflect/speak, or speak/listen/speak/listen... Gah. Lots. Hurts my head too much to think about.

My favorite... You wouldn't know it from on here.., is short-speak. It's a super condensed way of speaking, more about facial expression & body language than verbiage.

This is where I'm at home. Where I don't have to work to talk. It's easy, and natural, and makes me feel safe/happy/good.

Point being... Find people that speak your language.

 

[Britt.f7]

I use to be a talker. I am a terrible interrupter because my mind moves so fast that I think I'll lose it. I really had to learn not to jump in.

Part of this is thinking you don't deserve to be heard. You do. Step right in. Stop the person from talking. Now they are use to you always being the listener, but you need to be more assertive. Don't think of it as being rude. My interruptions were rude. Not intentional, but still rude. You can do this.

 

[illusionist]

I put the flat of my hand up to stop them..continue what I'm saying...then when I'm finished I say " and you were saying?".

It shows that the other person is interrupting, but I am interested in what they've got to say.