What is it with repeating the trauma over and over again?

[Deleted member 541]

We do things that we feel comfortable with, what we KNOW the outcome will be. It's sort of ingrained in us, from the trauma.

You break the habit, by first recognizing the behavior, and then making adjustments to CHANGE that behavior. It takes time, and it feels awful at first. And you will fall back into OLD behavior, but as soon as you recognize it, you return to the healthy new behavior.

I used the OLD behavior/NEW behavior thought pattern to break the pattern of repeating the same old shit.....

 

[shogun20]

All I can say is what one of my therapists told me. She said "we don't thoroughly understand re creation." Like that woman you knew who kept getting involved with men who abuse her. How could she do that over and over? I don't know but I'm in my late fifties and I figured out before I even knew about trauma that no matter what I did I was going to keep ending up in the same place. I think personally it's because the trauma is in the subconscious. I was always trying to do things differently, change habits, speech patterns, EST. I used to say "I'm in a cage I built myself and every time I think I'm getting to a way out I close it before I escape.

Therapy has helped a lot though.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Why did she say Nope to what you wrote?

I think this question was for me. ;) She said "nope" because I wasn't writing it from the perspective of a child. I seriously thought I was. I can't seem to access that mindset, I am too busy judging younger me from an adult perspective.

 

[Friday]

No childhood trauma... I still tend to repeat shit over & over again until I can get it "right" or give it up as a bad job. Sometimes that serves me in really good stead. Sometimes that completely f*cks me. And, no, that didn't really exist as part of my make-up pretrauma.

Ditto, totally secure attachment style as a kid, and I've still be in a couple of very abusive relationships. <chuckling> Although as one therapist told me "With that trauma history? Who the hell did you think you would marry?" Yeah. Didn't go with the totally amazing, sane, phenom men I dated... Did I? :whistling:

One thing I've come to realize is that no matter how much I want to change something, or to do it "right" this time? A key component is time. Not the only component by a long shot, but always a key one. I'm not patient by nature. The idea that anything needs a time component? Sort of pisses me off at a fundamental level. But it's also been pretty unavoidable. I can keep f*cking shit up at great speed, or I can slow down & put in the time as well as the work, and get the results I want. :wtf: I hate that bit. I really, really hate that bit. Sigh. Which is also a leeeeeetle symptomatic of me. My sense of foreshortened future coming out to play. It needs to happen now. If it doesn't happen now? It's not going to happen. Because, clearly, now is forever. :banghead: Except it's not. In theory, anyway.

 

[Sterre]

Because, clearly, now is forever. :banghead: Except it's not

You just made me laugh out loud :D
The sentence you wrote reads like a short sarcastic poem, thanks.

@Friday:

Ditto, totally secure attachment style as a kid, and I've still be in a couple of very abusive relationships. <chuckling> Although as one therapist told me "With that trauma history? Who the hell did you think you would marry?" Yeah. Didn't go with the totally amazing, sane, phenom men I dated... Did I? :whistling:

I dont understand what you mean with the above. Why are you chuckling about have been in an abusive relationship? And what do you mean by" With that trauma history? ' Is it about your trauma history or that of your former partner?

My native language is not English so I think I miss some ques in your story. It reads to me as if having a heavy trauma history makes you unfit for having healthy relationships. Is that what you mean?

 

[Friday]

I dont understand what you mean with the above. Why are you chuckling about have been in an abusive relationship? And what do you mean by" With that trauma history? ' Is it about your trauma history or that of your former partner?

My native language is not English so I think I miss some ques in your story. It reads to me as if having a heavy trauma history makes you unfit for having healthy relationships. Is that what you mean?

Not unfit, just unsurprising.

And dark humor, maybe. My trauma history is only about 5-7 years long, not including my marriage (which adds another 11 years). I was initially in therapy because of my divorce. I was hugely frustrated with myself for marrying the asshole in the first place, and my therapists response has struck me as hilarious ever since. In part because I was so adamant that my problem was not trauma from a million years ago, and that it has had no effect on me, whatsoever, I'm fine! (Cough. Or maybe not.) Because, yeah, it makes sense that after those 5-7 years? It's highly unlikely that I wouldn't marry an asshole. Much later I remembered when I deliberately stopped dating good men (because I didn't want to hurt them, and thought I couldn't fall in love with an asshole, so I also didn't risk hurting myself when I lost them). I'd forgotten though, somewhere alone the way that I'd done that. I was also wrong. I can very easily fall in love with an asshole. So the whole thing just struck me as very funny. Ooooooh. Right. The past does have bearing on the present. Darn! I don't want to deal with my past!!!

Moments of clarity have a tendency to either make me laugh or cry. I generally prefer laughter.

 

[talon]

As psychological laws require ;), a lot of people suffering from (childhood) trauma keep repeating their...

As with some people with extreme PTSD symptoms such as DID as a result of extreme abuse as a child often it's a pattern of learned behaviour . The fact is though that anything you have learned is normal can be un-learned . When certain behaviour seem normal and people feel useless , worthless or whatever the emotion there are tools which can help . I have used Dr Phill's 10 life laws in my own life and it worked although in reality he did not invent them merely focused them . We often focus on habitual behaviours which many often have but in our own minds are ours only and then overthink the issue and over complicate issues which may not in reality exist . Sharing with someone you can trust helps as they are often more available at the right time than your average therapist