What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

[Tinyflame]

Losses and disappointment for a lifetime, fear, stress, lack of help and resources, lack of energy, resignation.

 

[katz]

@Freddyt! Sorry to bother you but you were the person (knowing cats) who came to mind! (Although any Cat people's advice is appreciated!!) I came home tonight-motion detector was on in the back and dog away- opened the back door to check garage and there was a (large) black cat sitting about 10 feet away. Went to grab my phone (camera) and to the right came another.. and then a third! 1st one went to leave and then turned around and walked slowly to me (I stayed inside). NOT kittens- LARGE!! Know it is 'mice looking for shelter season', but haven't seen any. Large fence all the way around... What is THAT??? I like cats and worry about black ones at Halloween but did not know if these were feral? Sister saw a black one a few days ago and it ran towards her and the dog- she walked away and had bad feeling as it wasn't keeping a distance. What do you think?? We are in the city and in Canada too.
Thank you!!
Signed, Clueless about cats!

ETA @Freddyt , I just talked to a friend- said maybe domesticated, got out and stuck together, she thought weird it came to me though. But said they eat bunnies!! And I just said to my sister no sign of the 1-3 of them (bunnies) that I usually see in the yard! (??) She said even as a cat person that would freak her out! (?)

(And to add to it there are fairy lights in an old glass oil lamp and they were on. in the house. )

Hi, Tinyflame. I admire your concern for the black cats - this month. The shelters here, won't even let them get adopted out this month. They worry about what people might do or use them for. How sad!
The "alley" cats are probably just looking for a handout. FYI...you can look at their ear tips also. When the rescue places catch them to spray or neuter them, then return them to the "wild" (since they can't be adopted out) they will usually cut off the tip of their ear. Then people will know that they have been spayed or neutered without having to catch them.

 

[Tinyflame]

Grateful I managed something today, not through my control as accomplishing any of it was nothing short of miraculous. Grateful my friend could do the same for his needs. Thinking I am grateful that when I can't speak (doing my best) I can still be understood. That doesn't feel shame-filled either. Thinking it's hard to say good-byes but even more dread not to. That is probably past-influenced. Even what a good bye is (or isn't, or isn't a goodbye) is also influenced the same way, with some glitch in my thought process. I am glad when others can give clarity, and I am glad when I can follow it rather than just my own thoughts which are too scrambled from the past. If that makes sense.

 

[Tinyflame]

Had an awful nightmare but where I stood up to someone for someone else. But the person I stood up to, though seemingly familiar during my nightmare, was a composite. And I suppose in a way it was standing up for myself too, which I don't usually do (kindly in my nightmare). But then the guy morphed like a fibre optic lightbulb. It was weird and gross. Probably because I stood up to a bullying coworker yestehrday (kindly, I think). Also ate a boxed Angus burger x2, maybe garlic in it? But about a month ago I had a nightmare where my friend stood up for me, got between me and the bully, or rather me behind him. I hate the nightmares have returned. Mind you this one was stupid, I also was going to cut the grass last night in it (it's snowing). I guess they say forget content, how did you feel? And mostly I wish I could do more for my friend, and angry at bullies.

Also tying to sleep more/ better is difficult. And I think I'm used to compatmentalizing the difficult or painful a lot my whole life.

But I also see it as a distraction, garlic-infused or not. I am not so useful for helping others if I am distracted by self-cenetered thoughts, which is part of why I resent bbullying in my own life. It not only disturbs my peace and gives me a headache and indigestion, but by it's nature distracts me from anything more useful. I am going to refocus to what and who is more important, the rest can get blinders.

Sorry I'm sure this is stupid and there must have been a short way to say that but it escapes me atm.

 

[Friday]

This futon is EITHER going to be amazing… OR… will need to die in a fire.

Not sure which, yet!

Day 1 : I can stand up straight for the first time in a year, OMFG finally this is brilliant; but BOY HOWDY every muscle is screaming at me.

Day 2 : Still standing up straight, and only my hips and low back are attempting to secede from the Union. Hoping I don’t need to tattoo stars and bars across my arse. Feels like it, though.

 

[Lionheart]

I want to get FECO (Full Cannabis Extract Oil) to battle a recent cancer diagnosis and that is very much on my mind.

I have heard many a miraculous story about the healing properties of FECO also sometimes called Rick Simpson Oil (which is made in a slightly different way), but is supposed to be good in the battle against cancer. For 10 weeks of cancer treatment with FECO, the cost is about a thousand dollars which I do not have, but I can buy smaller amounts a little at a time and get it that way.

Because medical marijuana doesn't become legal until 2025 in Ky, I can go to a legal out-of-state dispensary to get the oil. I qualify for the state senator's executive order which allows me to purchase medical marijuana since I have 3 qualifying conditions; FIbromyalgia, PTSD, and cancer.

I hope I can get the oil. My sister died without the benefit of FECO and it made me sad for her.

 

[Teasel]

I hope you get it too @Lionheart well wishes for you

I wish I had the facility to chat easily with others. Or should I say I wish I had it more often.

 

[Lionheart]

I hope you get it too @Lionheart well wishes for you

Thank you @Teasel that means a lot to me!!!

 

[Tinyflame]

Awake tossing and turning and itchy and sore and uncomfortable, got up as no use to keep trying to sleep. I think my mind is metabolizing so much info. It came to me the words, my friend was treated horribly. Like being kicked down and then kicked when you're down. With no semblance of care, but harm. I know I'm no peach all the time, and so it's maybe judgmental, but it is such cruelty. I am disgusted. But mostly that breaks my heart and makes me very sad for his sake, that's what the words are. And nothing I can do to help him feel better. WTF is wrong with people???

 

[Teasel]

And nothing I can do to help him feel better. WTF is wrong with people???

Really sorry this happened. Can you let him know you care?

 

[Tinyflame]

I think he knows @Teasel . No remotely sane person would not support him. I am sort of in the loop. sort of not. Plus all of his own stuff to do/ organize, and choose what he needs. Just sad to go through, horrible stress for him. I know that much in my own way from lousy work, bosses and bullies and anxiety. Best thing he can do is take care of himself and do what gives himself a break or brings him strength or consolation. Plus, I know I don't do goodbyes well anyway and have little capacity to see them as temporary, but that is my pblm and the last thing anyone needs esp under stress is having to think about other's feelings or even think of them, and certainly not what I would want to infer. One can't even define their own at those times, it's just enough to get through it.

I'm raised more like a guy, what such people need is to be punched out on the playground IMHO. Which I don't feel for myself but that's what they need if you ask me. People who need their asses kissed usually need them kicked too. It's them who should feel ashamed and disgusted with themselves. People who create stress and pblms and sorrow and worry because they don't like the word 'no'. Sick. They should just be saying Thank You.

ETA , and I forgot to say, alongside grief too. Not to mention a conscientious person doesn't need to be pushed to do more. There is too much sorrow in the world and life is difficult enough without intentionally creating more.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Teasel just to say, when all is said and done I do think, or hope, that it will be a blessing in disguise for my friend as for once he can concentrate on himself. And before it passed a point so much harder to recovepr from. Because no two people are the same, but I think I understand that better than many.. And so I am happy too but I also know healing can be very painful sometimes. I wouldn't be surprised if he has ptsd. Not from this but In play.

And most of all he deserves good things and joy. I was very lucky for his help and his friendship. And who knows? Maybe things will be ok. Or better.