What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Rosebud, what a great find. That is so awesome!

My shower caddy has those suction things to hold it on the wall, it crashed down friday night and scared the p....out of me. Yesterday, I looked and it and went shopping for a new one instead of cleaning the mess up. I hardly go out anymore. I found a great one at the first store and had a coupon. Doesn't take much to excite me here. No more crashes in the night.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I found a great one at the first store and had a coupon. Doesn't take much to excite me here. No more crashes in the night.in
OMG @brat17 , wonder you didn't have to repair the ceiling after you hit it!! 😳😩 I did the same with just an empty cardboard box! But I am glad for your shopping and deal! I think it takes small steps to get on a new track.

After another hour on the phone at work, I am at a loss with work, overwhelmed and over-scheduled with physical demands, while on top of it my coworkers sit around, eat, go on exercise equipment, take off early, watch movies, on top of it. But apart from them, it's an unsustainable schedule , wherein I feel like I could drop. If I don't eat 1000's of extra calories, I lose 3 or so lbs/ day. I could cry, I really could if it would only help, and I wasn't so tired. 😢😭
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I addressed long ago a SA pblm at work, & got no help, no change. Today the person wants me to do something, not a big deal, but that reduces when I might have a break, and I am exhausted, and they know that, and in general it makes my life more difficult. (And it's literally about a tv pgm for them). Despite that, I know it's 99.5% likely I cannot/ will not say no, and Idk why it's impossible. Except to say, if I make up my mind just to do it I don't have to deal with them & I don't have to think about it again, not toss it back & forth in my mind. Or fear of doing it is less than fear of not. Idk. Anyone would say it's crazy or dumb when already experiencing what I am. Idk. Amongst other things it feels stupid, and hopeless.

I am glad I made the edit, I think I will flip it & do it out of ~love (not like), & less selfishness, if I am able.
 
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Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I was thinking too, hope something I gave back goes to someone, as it is precious, for many. I miss when I had the energy or where-with-all or hope to feel that way.

I think also covid has left many in survival mode, most anything else are 'frills' and not on the radar. I suppose that's also why it's an unfortunate loss, or unfortunate time for loss. But then again, one's losses or healing or struggles or coping are private and personal, not the realm or responsibility or concern of others. That is true also.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
Oye, missed the edit.

I also realize I am oddly grateful, because for all the times I wondered or agonized if I 'should' go, or worried I should go for other's sakes, or didn't belong, now I'm told to go. And I don't need to expend mental energy on it, which I have to conserve just to juggle the balls that will come my way, today and each day.
 

goblin

New Here
Looking forward to taking a walk at noon. Thinking I'll make my destination the good grocer so I can have a perfect apple before I turn around and head home.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I saw something that irked me, or saddened me, I can't tell which? They so do not understand, that caregivers and recipients are like having different cells in the same prison. I heard it said- advocacy is the same as showing up- it is not, IMHO. It's important, but not the same. In need, there is only the 'now', and it's more than just limited time (though that is true). It's also finite energy, and health, and physical (dis)ability. Of being placed in the role of family, because there isn't one present. Not to mention, when say, a typical person grieves say 5 deaths, you grieve-how many? TNTC. Yet, you do. Nothing replaces real family, yet you end up knowing more about them than they share with most of their family, likely because- they aren't there.

But what gets me is that, people should know that? If a person is diagnosed with cancer, for eg, it's common to feel, the world should stop. If you've ever been through a natural disaster, in the aftermath most people feel, where is the help? Where are the bodies to help? Etc. One shouldn't have to pay their grandchild to visit, and call that 'ok'. Someone said to Mother Teresa 'I wouldn't do this for a million dollars'. She said , "I don't blame you. Neither would I". And Idk how many family I've heard say, "I don't have the nose for it"- who does?? If a new mom said that, people would laugh/ have little sympathy. But it's different if someone is old, ill, disabled, not capable or incompetent. How can anything change, if no one changes? Nothing will change this way. No one much really wants it to change- not so much as to have to 'accompany'.

I think when it comes to stuff like that, or MAID, etc, people should speak to it that are in the trenches, not from afar, just because of what is lived, not what is 'thought'.

Oh well, 'ranty'. 🙄 Which is useless, too. Just 'gets' me. What works on paper, is so little scratching the surface of what is required irl.

ETA, I suppose the similarity is this, or rather better to look for similarities: many people can choose to do either role out of love (and some people that won't apply as a concept at all- though not like people are in it for the stunning benefits). But pre-supposing it does, and justice: they gave an example of an incessant question about an event was not answered, because of lack of time. I would agree to answer. I would also suspect a) dementia b) the question will continue to be asked with an answer- and should be answered each time, for dignity and trust c) when the event arrived there would be little understanding of actually in that moment the person wanting to attend it , and d) if only the question was answered, activities of daily living like eating, medication, bathing, dressing and special needs would be avoided by the person themself, who e) would then end up underweight, and most likely with an infection. That is how a day, each day, goes. The balance between what we want, and therefore think they want, vs the realities. That is what I mean. And to equally recognize, family who are doing it, need help. Lots of it.
 
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