I saw something that irked me, or saddened me, I can't tell which? They so do not understand, that caregivers and recipients are like having different cells in the same prison. I heard it said- advocacy is the same as showing up- it is not, IMHO. It's important, but not the same. In need, there is only the 'now', and it's more than just limited time (though that is true). It's also finite energy, and health, and physical (dis)ability. Of being placed in the role of family, because there isn't one present. Not to mention, when say, a typical person grieves say 5 deaths, you grieve-how many? TNTC. Yet, you do. Nothing replaces real family, yet you end up knowing more about them than they share with most of their family, likely because- they aren't there.
But what gets me is that, people should know that? If a person is diagnosed with cancer, for eg, it's common to feel, the world should stop. If you've ever been through a natural disaster, in the aftermath most people feel, where is the help? Where are the bodies to help? Etc. One shouldn't have to pay their grandchild to visit, and call that 'ok'. Someone said to Mother Teresa 'I wouldn't do this for a million dollars'. She said , "I don't blame you. Neither would I". And Idk how many family I've heard say, "I don't have the nose for it"- who does?? If a new mom said that, people would laugh/ have little sympathy. But it's different if someone is old, ill, disabled, not capable or incompetent. How can anything change, if no one changes? Nothing will change this way. No one much really wants it to change- not so much as to have to 'accompany'.
I think when it comes to stuff like that, or MAID, etc, people should speak to it that are in the trenches, not from afar, just because of what is lived, not what is 'thought'.
Oh well, 'ranty'.
Which is useless, too. Just 'gets' me. What works on paper, is so little scratching the surface of what is required irl.
ETA, I suppose the similarity is this, or rather better to look for similarities: many people can choose to do either role out of love (and some people that won't apply as a concept at all- though not like people are in it for the stunning benefits). But pre-supposing it does, and justice: they gave an example of an incessant question about an event was not answered, because of lack of time. I would agree to answer. I would also suspect a) dementia b) the question will continue to be asked with an answer- and should be answered each time, for dignity and trust c) when the event arrived there would be little understanding of actually in that moment the person wanting to attend it , and d) if only the question was answered, activities of daily living like eating, medication, bathing, dressing and special needs would be avoided by the person themself, who e) would then end up underweight, and most likely with an infection. That is how a day, each day, goes. The balance between what we want, and therefore think they want, vs the realities. That is what I mean. And to equally recognize, family who are doing it, need help. Lots of it.
I did the same with just an empty cardboard box! But I am glad for your shopping and deal! I think it takes small steps to get on a new track.
What a mess.
