Recognized-out of the blue, I needn't be aware any more of, or the needs of, those people who didn't/ don't care about mine; that said volumes and was/ is hurtful to me, when I remember it.
If I hear the word how 'beloved' we all are referenced again I'm going to throw up. Cringe-worthy. Love is another 4-letter word, like snow, or dead. At least for me.
No one needs religion to be a decent person in their thoughts or actions. And God-knows it doesn't make any of us who practice it one. If people need it explained or a reason why they shouldn't be as*holes, or why they should treat human beings like human beings, well I give up.
Well, I finally cracked the code I think and figured out why part of church always escaped me: apparently people (supposedly) have some connotation to going there to pray for themselves, +/or chock up ~heavenly points (sorry, can't find words today). Well, can't recall asking for myself for over 30 years (other thsan prayers of desperation), and of course far as I'm concerned it 'is' for myself if I want something for someone else, which I think is accurate to say (much like tears of grief are selfish). Far as points go, never thought of it that way. Not because I'm particularly virtuous, more the hopeless- helpless fact; not asking for something impossible. Like forgiveness: I'm not particularly forgiving, I just have a bad memory and limited energy. Like my sister told my mom, she didn't go because it was full of hypocrites. My mom said there's always room for one more. Not to mention, I don't want eternal 'life', quite satisfied if it ends here, horrible thought it doesn't. And so-called 'virtues' seem to be basic humane treatment of others. So really, I've never strived for, been properly thankful for, nor want or view it like these people do. And I don't belong.
Thanks to an online prompt by a friend, I'm now thinking of how bees don't waste time trying to explain to flies that honey is better than shit. Hmmmm...
I'm anxious to receive my stimulus, my friends are getting theirs. Maybe it is because I have credit union account. Anyhow, not the end of the world! Lol!