What Is That Low Voltage Sensation?

[Wounded Scribe]

I was diagnosed with delayed onset last year. In the last two years I've noticed a low voltage running through my central nervous system. I've been living with PTSD all of my life. So I've had it for 40 years. Started with child abuse and surviving a self-inflicted gun-shot at 16. Sometimes the grounding sensation leads to a body jolt and yesterday the ground beneath my feet spun and I thought I was going to pass out.

Can a life time of PTSD degrade the physiology of the nerves? Is there science, studies on this? My short term memory is starting to go, and my wife and I have noticed it's an effort to complete complex sentences and conversations. If I have to mediate a squabble between our 3 kids, I am exhausted and it hurts my brain.

 

[arfie]

When you get it figured out, @WoundedScribe, let me know. I would love a verified explanation I can trust. I have my theories, but zero confirmation. I believe I experience more than one flavor of them, but I believe the ones that mess with my short-term memory and cognitive functions are a result of my repressed memories. Capacitor overload??? Habitual repression of high voltage emotional charges?

Whatever that body of whatevers, hope you find a functional solution. Welcome to the forum.

 

[greenleaf]

@Wounded Scribe -- are you working on your issues in a new way, recently? It seems likely, if you were only just diagnosed with delayed onset last year... maybe you are getting more connected with some old stuff; does anything correlate with these electrical jolt sensations, like sorta feelings almost, or other things that are hard to define like that?

 

[Wounded Scribe]

I believe the ones that mess with my short-term memory and cognitive functions are a result of my repressed memories. Capacitor overload??? Habitual repression of high voltage emotional charges?

Whatever that body of whatevers, hope you find a functional solution. Welcome to the forum.

Thank You. I like, "Habitual repression of high voltage emotional charges.." I have a followup appointment with my nurse practitioner on Thursday. I'm so grateful for her. Our first appointment was two weeks ago. My counselor referred me to her, (in house) and at our first appointment she listened to what brought about the PTSD, my hit-miss with therapy over the last two years. She agreed at any time if I felt I needed a specialist in trauma therapy she would, "look high and low" until we found one we were comfortable with. And I made a comitment to stick with her just because of her desire to help me and her honesty. She started me out on a low dose of Neurontin (Gabapentin) with the explanation it would start coating the nerves and this is what started me on this search. If Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is rooted in our nerves being altered, damaged, surely this low voltage sensation is related and I've noticed that this sensation seems to trigger the more vibrant flashbacks.

...and thank you for the welcome :) I am so grateful for this forum, and I find everyone's stories so inspirational, educational, and I feel at home in the shared experiences in one degree, or another.

 

[Wounded Scribe]

@greenleaf I was forced to repress the issues that brought on PTSD at the age of 17, one year after the shooting. The child abuse, which led to the suicide, stopped while I was recovering in the ICU. At the age of 17 my father, led me into the woods or the scene of the shooting and yelled at me. He said it was my fault. And as far as he was concerned, it was in the past. I had a year to get over it and it was time to move on. He yanked me from therapy that week. At that time in my life I was experiencing: flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance, tactile sensations, guilt (1 student and a teacher had died from self-inflicted gun-shots and I felt guilt over their deaths. I wasn't permitted to tell anyone that my shooting was intentional so I had to tell people I nearly died in a hunting accident and this was a story I carried with me until 2 years ago.) I started accepting these as my normal...

Life went on. Within 10 years of the shooting, and childhood: I was homeless, divorced, severely depressed, unemployed, and I failed out of college. I hibernated for 2 years. I found a place to live. Worked odd jobs and I started feeling better. I met my 2nd wife, renewed my healthcare credentials and reentered the workforce. I became an overnight dad to a 3 year old. Life started happening. My wife and I bought houses, had our own kids etc...life got busy and started piling up on me.

In 2011 I went to counseling because my marriage was starting to hurt and I didn't want to lose a 2nd marriage. Marriage counselor brought up the notion of PTSD. I disagreed with her and I told her the suicide and events surrounding the childhood: abandonment, neglect, and abuse were way in the paste and I was over it. In fact, I remember the moment my father made me touch that tree at the scene of the event.

In 2005, I lost my license to practice nursing, turns out nursing wasn't a good fit for me. Again, I didn't know I had PTSD. My life started decompensating in 2005. I entered sales in 2006.

In 2012 to make extra money I turned to writing. My wife was aware of the circumstances in my life 25+ years ago, and she suggested I enter a short story, based on that time in my life. I wrote a brief story, someone read it, and suggested I write a longer book detailing my childhood. Seemed like a good idea, despite my anxiety, I should have listened to my instinct.

It took 6 months to write that book and by the time I was finished my wife found me lying at the bottom of the stares nearly incoherent. She rushed me to the hospital and I got my first diagnosis of delayed onset. I tried to pick myself up and shrug it off. Over the last two years: 5 trips to the ER, 1 lengthy hospitalization, 5 jobs, lost most of my friends, nearly lost the my most treasured joy in life...my family. It's been hard on them but my wife is sticking with me.

In April, I tried again to go back to work. In 1 month a few years ago, I sold 99 cars (I used to sell cars)...In the 4 months I sold cars this year, I averaged 1 car a month. I felt broken inside and I also felt I had aged 40 years. I felt like a dog...1 year of human life equal 7 years. I feel this is what PTSD does, that moment/moments we had to overcome to survive ages us.
I couldn't handle the sales managers screaming at me, customers beating on me, the wicked long hours. The flashbacks were terrible and I finally raised the white flag. I went back into therapy and asked the counselor to please help me.

 

[Anarchy]

Can a life time of PTSD degrade the physiology of the nerves? Is there science, studies on this? My short term memory is starting to go, and my wife and I have noticed it's an effort to complete complex sentences and conversations.

Yes.

If I have to mediate a squabble between our 3 kids, I am exhausted and it hurts my brain.

this makes sense too.

The stress hormone cortisol, is essential in small quantities, but in stress response conditions like PTSD, and I'll count depression as a chronic stress response too - cortisol levels are elevated and it affects memory formation, retention and access, as well as damaging the part of the brain which controls memory by reducing the number of connections and even killing nerve cells.

@greenleaf I felt like a dog...1 year of human life equal 7 years. I feel this is what PTSD does, that moment/moments we had to overcome to survive ages us.

You are actually about right with the aging seven years in one. The stress hormones which are circulating continuously during high levels of chronic stress, evolved to save our lives at any cost, over periods of seconds or minutes - enough to get us away from a leopard or a charging buffalo. When they are circulating long term the changes they bring about include damaging our hearts and immune systems and even degrading the ends of our DNA strands in our cells. Estimates of the damage to DNA made in highly stressed individuals (eg mums caring full time for profoundly handicapped children) put it at about five to seven times normal rates of aging.

Check out the PBS documentary featuring Robert Sapolsky for an accessible intro to the science. it's up on youtube. there are some interesting flaws in the documentary, for example the British civil service - an institution based on the assumption that some can impose a rigid coercive structure over others is inherrently going to cause traumatic responses - PBS (as a simillar institution, and as expected) just does not make that connection. and sapolsky's solution of giving rigid heirarchies (the cause of the problem) even more coercive control over our lives - yeah that's really going to make things better, Dunning-Kruger, Prof Sapolsky, Dunning fecking Kruger [/rant]

actually getting together with safe people and relaxing - can ease and reverse that process of damage.
if you can't do that in meat space - doing it here instead is good.

Your book, triggered you - have you still got the draughts for it? with a trauma T it could form the basis of integrating and accepting the traumatic memories, and removing their ability to hurt you. I'm only just starting to learn the theory of this, that the blocking and dissociation from those traumatic memories, although a coping strategy, apparently prevents full recovery. There are others here with far more knowledge and experience in that area than I've got, who might like to elaborate on it.

Big hug if you'll have it.

 

[Wounded Scribe]

@Anarchy , absolutely I will accept that hug, and thank you so much for the input. You've given me a starting point with your information. Yes, the book triggered me. I wish I had never written it, but the healing for me has started.

I haven't been up for very long, had a decent night's sleep but I can already feel that low voltage sensation.

This Sunday, I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish. As we set out, my wife wanted to make the list more efficient. I also wanted to have some film develop for our scrap books. I used to enjoy building my families scrap book but I allowed that to slip and I find it relaxing. My technology savy is just above cave art and I was struggling with sending files to the store where the film was to get developed, and my wife took over my day.

I was starting to panic over something, so unreasonable to the rational mind. I was forgetting things and while I sat in the store at one point the ground beneath my feet spun. Never happened before like that.

I went out and invested $2.00 in a notebook. I have started a journal to help me remember, structure the day, and I can hand the list to my wife, and she can change the list with as needed but I will have advanced warning. I hope this minimizes the panic.

All of this seems to go back to this degrading/altering of the anatomy of the nerves. I've been looking for data on this so I can better understand, and help my spouse likewise know what's happening.

 

[Anarchy]

@ scribe, if you have a little time, search youtube for "audiobook; the mindful way through depression" the full version is up, you can listen in little sections (don't worry that the whole thing is 5 hours).

the exercises are really good, and deal with allowing us to accept otherwise negative and hurtful thoughts without them damaging us. It's not specific to depression, and one of the authors (Kabat-Zinn) has previously had clinicly proven success in teaching mindfulnes techniques to reduce the effects of living with chronic pain.

It's is worth getting checked out medically too, although PTSD can account for what you are experiencing, it would be wise to eliminate any purely organic causes.

 

[Wounded Scribe]

@Anarchy indeed, yes it would be wise. Also, I appreciate the resources you've mentioned.

I believe, I posted that this low volt sensation often seems to precede the more vivid flashbacks. Indeed I had one moments ago, pouring coffee of all things. I wrote it down in the journal. I've been using scents to ground me during these moments, candles in particular. As I've come to understand how PTSD has controlled my life over these past 2 decades my wife pointed out to me how much I appreciate walking down the detergent and fabric softener aisle in the store. The triggers, the ones I fear the most have always been smells. My therapist last week suggested I carry something I could touch and keep in my pockets and reach for when I have those moments when reality seems to fade into the past, or when those generalized anxiety issues arise. So, I placed 4 small scented wax cubes (used to make candles) in a zip lock bag and carry the bag around in my pocket.

I say that because the candle scent did nothing to prevent the flashback, and the sense of being zapped by what felt like hidden dog fence or 9 volt battery has been strongly felt for the last 24 hours. The sense of electrical current, has also decreased sense the flashback.

 

[Anarchy]

Smells and sounds like notes and music seem to be able to go straight in and elicit memories. It's strange, some tunes and some smells flash me straight back to good and even to neutral memories.

:hug:

 

[Anarchy]

@Wounded Scribe I'm just having a great big Homer Simpson d'oh! moment. The feeling you are getting might be a "body memory", a flash back which has only bodily sensations.

 

[Chava]

When hyped up, sometimes it feels like my whole body is buzzing on the inside. That's really unsettling. Other times it feels like an adrenaline gush, like I'm really flooded in energy, and I would be so happy if I could tip my car over by myself, just to release some of that energy. Sometimes I've felt a more positive sort of sensation, like a much slower vibration in my core or chest (as a musician it feels like lower tones to me)...has happened a couple times in somatic-focused trauma therapy.

Yes, lots of links to the nervous system. It helps me to think of trauma and my symptoms as primarily a disorganization of my nervous system. The sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems aren't balancing each other out well, but always overshooting (so from like hyper or wanting to kick a hole in a wall or buzzing, to spaced out or in a lot of pain). You might research more on trauma and the autonomic nervous system, the vagus nerve, and/or somatic experiencing or the background thinking behind other somatic or body-based trauma therapies as a way of learning more about the connection to the body. Writing and stuff on the trauma-ANS/body connection...look up stuff by Bessel Van der Kolk, Peter Levine, Babette Rothschild (not sure if I spelled these all right...haven't read a load myself, but the connection to the body and neuro-endocrine stuff is convincing in my life anyway, some of this just validates I'm not totally nuts)

When really panicked, my blood pressure can go from low to too high, and I also have a benign arrhythmia that shows up (had it checked out a couple times). So even if stress-induced, good to have any troubling symptoms checked over by a doc. Sometimes the arrhythmia accompanies my buzzing feeling, but not always...both attributed to stress or like sympathetic over-drive (hyperarousal, adrenaline gush, whatever).