General What Is Your Sufferers Greatest Fear.

[amethist]

I was wondering about this after finding out what my husband fear's most, and the reason he has done some of the thing he has over the last few weeks.

His greatest fear is that when I go out, I will not come back. That I will leave him and go stay at my daughters, find someone else and never want to see him again. That he will not see my daughters and their partners again and loose contact with our grandchildren.

He is not bothered about loosing contact with his family, as it is about gone anyway, but loosing contact with mine is really scaring him.

This is why when I have been going to the carers office to help them out twice a week, and sometimes other places, he has been drinking, to try and block out that fear.

He says he trust me not to find someone else and knows that this will not happen, but is still scared that one day it will all get too much for me and off I will go.

As I see it, we have got past the worst times, and can only keep going forward now. Still have the ups and downs of the Roller Coaster ride, and have manages to calm the storm for the most part.

I am hoping that when we go back for the Holistic therapy he can put this right in his head too, along with the other things he wants to deal with.

I try to reassure him as best I can, but until yesterday I did not know his fear was this bad.

He was never like this before his accident, and say's this is all because of his PTSD.

 

[Pale Warrior]

My husband is paralysed with fear when it comes to making decisions, almost any decision that he has to say out loud or take action on.

 

[Beverly G.]

I am most afraid of making my children turn out like me and my mother before me. I wish I could magically become a better mother.

 

[Tinyflame]

Amethist, how wonderful he can recognize that much, and be so honest!

That sounds to me like he's explaining his level of panic to himself, cognitively. (Does that make sense?) I mean, explaining the reason behind how he feels (and that one seems to 'fit').
Fears are not necessarily rational, therefore hard to extinguish.

Not so surprising after the losses he's had, and recognizing all you do for him. And thay he loves you and trusts you. I think we are horribly aware of what we can put others through. :(

 

[amethist]

It makes perfect sense Junebug, thank you.

This is another of the "Things to work on" that will be going on the list.

I know he loves me, because he makes a point of telling me often. He is also aware or what he puts me through when he is having a rough day.

 

[Tinyflame]

You are a wonderful person amethist. :inlove: , xox.

 

[amethist]

Not really Junebug, just a wife of a sufferer.

But thank you.

 

[ProudWife99]

Amethist, my H expresses almost the same fear. Having lost his father at an early age and then friends/brothers while in combat, the fear of losing yet another person he loves often consumes him. Combine that with how aware he is of how much he hurts me and he is overwhelmed.

His fear is so projected onto me, however, that it feels like sometimes he just wishes I would hurry up and leave so he could get it over with. Other times, he holds me so tight that I can't breathe.

Oh, this life.

 

[Toria]

I have no idea - and that makes me feel awful.

But good on Hubby for telling you - perhaps it all starts to make a bit more sense now...

 

[Eleanor]

My H's worst two fears WERE that he was like his parents in that he enjoyed violence, and was not in control of it. And most recently that someone would show up and turn us out of our house. Not sure what it is now - I'll ask tho - it is an excellent question.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear amethist, I respectfully will add, "One heck of a wife, supporter and woman!" :) :inlove:
(Trust me on this one :) , xoxox)

 

[PTSDMama]

For C, I think that we will leave him and/or not love him the way he needs to be loved.