I hope this doesn't turn into a rant, or worse, something that can be construed as a manifesto type raving of a deranged mind- but f*ck it- I'm pissed off and angry and this appears to be the thread to vent in about it...
SO after reading another thread on here about some f*cking witch-doctor claiming to be able to cure one of our members in four treatments and posting a reply that makes me sound like a frakking nut-job-
Ya wanna know what really pisses me off? Psychologists and psychiatrists. Psychopharmacopia. Pseudo-science. Bullshit.
I am filled with feelings of unmeasurable rage by these assholes that prey on those of us that both want and need help from our fellow human beings. Many of us reject even the vaguest notions of help for just these reasons. Just a few months back I realized that hoping for a "cure" or searching to be "normal" is a complete waste of time. I do not want to be normal. All I want is to be ME. As I have stated before on here, or at least hinted at, I am sick and f*cking tired of playing the game. I have gotten metric shit-tonnes of "help" from so-called mental health professionals. All I ever end up seeing is a bunch of spineless list-readers that in most cases need a hefty dose of their own medicine.
I am angry because I am sick and f*cking tired of the all too common belief that one needs to be "normal". f*ck that. I am who I am now because that is just the way things are. I can't change the past. I sure as shit do not seem to be able to do anything about the present. But I know for sure, due to experience, that I CAN change the future.
I don't want to be paid off by some bureaucratic government program. I don't want a brown paper sack of pills and an empty promise things will get better. I don't want my extreme loathing of the general populace to go away.
And I definitively DO NOT want to be forced into some imagined factory mold so I can be like everyone else. I like being different. I like being known as both "that crazy asshole" and "that really geeky science guy". I like my alone time in the basement man cave with my gadgets and my dogs and a case of Mountain Dew. I like the look I get from some ignorant mouthbreather when, in conversation, I point out rather bluntly they don't know what the f*ck they are talking about and that their opinions are based on bad information and therefor moot. I like being THAT guy.
I like learning about why my emotions can be volatile and unstable. I like keeping the Beast on a chain and making it my extremely useful, whimpering slave. I know I cannot get rid of the beast, but there is no reason I cannot turn the f*cker into a tool.
All those brain pickers want to try and get rid of the immovable object that is the beast with the unstoppable force that is the human mind. We all know what happens when such a force meets such and object- If we didn't. we wouldn't be members of these forums.
Who really gives a shit if I jump out of my skin during a thunderstorm, or can't stand going to a crowded place? Who does it hurt? It doesn't hurt me. Reading a book with a flashlight under a blanket in a pug-pile of snorting fur while the sky tears itself apart is actually a really nice way to spend an afternoon. And hell, how many normal people actually like being crammed into a shopping mall during the holidays or sardined into a theatre packed with blissfully ignorant and impolite assholes?
I guess what I am saying is, f*ck them and their poorly chosen, statistically insignificant research samples. Most of those f*cktards don't know what the f*ck they are doing anyway. Their entire education is based off completely unscientific research, opinion, and the outdated views of a literal mother-f*cking obsessed heroin addict and a completely insane alcoholic with a penchant for obscenely biological reproductive practices on underage girls.
And that, is what makes me angry today. Tomorrow, I am headed back to class after the holidays and continue doing what works for me- study and learn. Channel all the rage and frustration and fear and loneliness into observing, objectifying and analyzing the world around me and then spitting it back out into terms myself and others can comprehend or even into useful stuff other than academia. I guess I was going somewhere with this, but unchanneled rage has a habit of making my thoughts randomize a bit too much. I'm still learning on how to use that feeling and emotion to stay on task a bit better when I try to communicate with others. (It all makes sense in my mind, just don't know how to put it in words others can understand...)
