Mile,
I think we all go through this and it's worse when you are closer to the action. I mapped out my anxiety/stress/dpression/anger levels over time as part of therapy. All were highest right after I got out, tapered off for a while (I attribute that to playing soccer on a team). Then when a death in the family occurred, it rose and never went down or up dramatically since. Divorces, deaths, loss of job, they all contribute.
When I compared it to my depression level, anxiety always came first, then depression or a fit of anger that was difficult to get over.
Can't emphasizee more the power of remembering to breath, through the nose, and use your belly. Clear your head. Get the garbage out first. Then put back the good thoughts. It's better than taking drugs. It takes time to realize that too. (I'll need you guys to remind me of my own words.)
Even with hard driving soccer matches and running 4-6 miles three times a week, I never could sleep consistently. I mean sleep really decently where you wake up ready to go. When I took the drugs, I would wake up sleepy and mope around all day. I have a list of them if you need them and sometimes you do. Your call.
I think sleep is at the top of the list of things to conquer, especially when you have PTSD. When those lights go out, the training and experience I had kick in. I still wait for a Ranger Instructor to kick my ass or try to steal my rifle, or hear the sound of footsteps on dry grass. Then the cycle begins again with more memories and then if it gets bad, a flashback or something akin to one. Fear of having one is anxiety itself.
