What Makes You Feel Loved?

[sonicwhite]

Like I keep thinking if I just had a gal that would lift me up because I can't seem to find the positive traits in me, I would be so much better off. But since I'm so hard on myself it's hard for any woman to find the good in me because I shroud it in dark thoughts about my flaws.

The therapist is trying to get me to love myself again. I started hating myself after I started medication and when I was told I'm this and that. I lost a lot of my self worth because I had a Pure O OCD theme that revolved around children. I fear I was going to touch a child so I went to the Pastor and told them and all they said was you need to tell the devil to get away from you.

It took a psychiatrist to tell me I had OCD and there's a big difference between liking thoughts and thoughts that make you anxious. Pedophiles don't worry their going to molest children. But my self worth after all that was gone. And I have never been able to get it back. I truly know deep down I'm a good person. That I am loved and someone one day will be blessed to have me. I just want to see it and believe it so I can attract that one to be with.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

That's a hard one. Dr Phil's famous line is you teach people how to treat you. I still dont get that fully.

I touched a 10 month old at 14 for 5 mins before putting him down & going to throw up and then one more fleeing thought a little bit later, still 14, about my then 4 yr old nephew. I labeled myself a pedophile though i never had a thought since and punished myself for years and years for it. It wasnt until i talked in depth about it with my therapist did I realize that pedophiles dont go to throw up, feel guilty, and punish themselves for years etc.

Im single, my ex was an abuser, since Ive been single. How to get others to care about me let alone love me is beyond me but i feel loved when i truely know someone cares about me. About how i am, wants to help if they can etc. Love is shown is many ways.

So thats my answer going off the thread title. :)

 

[sonicwhite]

I'm sorry that it happened that way. I don't judge you by that. You're honest and know right from wrong. That is what matters. I hope life starts to pave a way for you like for me where we are blessed instead of hated.

 

[Lifetraveller]

I'm sorry that it happened that way. I don't judge you by that. You're honest and know right from wr...

Hey Sonic White,

I think it's a fact that we can't always, 24/365, have someone physically present to make us feel loved.

In that case, I think we need to find a way to remember the love of others in a way that makes us feel loved, or feel our own love for ourselves in those moments when this is missing and we need it.

 

[Kintsugi]

Sonic, a girl could love you, but it will not lift you out of where you are.

Only you can do that for yourself. Nothing else will ever be enough until you yourself decide that you have value.

I really feel you have been looking in all the wrong places for your road to recovery. And I feel for you. You always seem to be spinning in circles, chasing your tail trying to find yourself within your problems and history. I wish you could design the Sonic you want to be and chase that, instead.

 

[Changing4Best]

I felt loved when my husband listened to me, or paid attention to me, rather than going to turn the TV on and ignore me while watching it. I felt loved when he took me out to dinner and when he took me out for drives in the car, just for the fun of being out and about. We would go sight seeing. He never bought me flowers, which I wish he had, but I never spoke up and said I would have liked that, so that was my bad, not his!

I think, now, looking back on it, that I would have felt a lot more loved if I told him what I needed and asked him for things, like to sit and play board games with me. I asked him to do that once, and he refused, but I wish I had persisted, maybe brought one out and asked him to try it with me. I loved board games when I was a kid, but he probably had never played them, because he had come from a poor family. These days, I suppose, it would be a computer or video game that would be the thing, but playing a game with someone is something I think that would be fun and make me feel loved.

Really, the most important thing in feeling loved is that someone is paying attention to you, listening to you, giving you eye contact, asking interested questions and in general caring about your welfare.

One thing that is a killer in any relationship is one partner working a lot of overtime at work or being a workaholic. You have to spend time with someone for love to develop and if you are at work all the time or they are, it really kills love fast. Because the workaholic is exhausted when they get home and has no energy or anything left to give to their mate.

I hope all this gives you some ideas. We were married for 23 years until the day he died. We did love one another, in spite of all this and basically we did have a good marriage, but I wanted to warn you about the possible pitfalls too as well as the good stuff.

 

[sonicwhite]

I do believe they're women who pity a man that has pain inside of them. Only they can see it when they hide it.

The woman turns to them, makes them feel wanted makes them proud they have that person. My last relationship fell apart because I was psychotic and didn't pay attention to my ex for months. I didn't even know we where still together thru those moments.

It's when she broke up with me is when I snapped out of the psychosis. So it may of been a God doing us a favor and giving us life instead of living in a whacked relationship.

I don't know. All I know is that I have to block her on Facebook or she becomes a stumbling block - and I feel so much regret when I see her.

Oh how life can be hard sometimes.

 

[sonicwhite]

One thing-my ex knows she is beautiful, but one thing. She will never be able to capture a heart like mine ever again. She really doesn't know what she lost. Maybe that saves her grief. Maybe not. But God was clearly working on me while she was out fooling around with other men.

Thank you Father for vindicating me. While I was in the most darkest points in life you where there. And you always said vengeance is the Lords.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you should focus on being the best you that you can be. Make your healing and your health a priority. Try to form quality friendships-----friendships based on true care and concern for one another, common interests, etc----not sex. IME the best relationships start out as friendships anyway.

 

[Fadeaway]

@sonicwhite It seems to me you want a co-dependant relationship. That is not healthy, that will eventually wear down and destroy any woman. There is a huge difference between someone who is supportive, and someone who is there to fix you.

What happens when the rush of falling in love is over, which happens in all relationships? What happens when you slink back into depression? Will you blame her?

We all want to be loved. Nothing wrong with wanting a relationship and someone to be supportive, but wanting a woman to fix you is unhealthy and will destroy a relationship.

You have to find the good in yourself first. You need to bring an equal amount of positivity to the relationship. Finding the good in yourself, well there we can help.

Some things that I see.
You don't give up, you fall down and get up and try again
While I agree with Simon that you are going about it wrong, you are still trying to improve yourself.
You are passionate about your beliefs.
You have goals.

Something else... You can't bring the baggage of a past relationship into a new relationship. There is a reason rebounds don't work. You must be over the past relationship to move forward. That doesn't mean you don't take the lessons from the past relationship, just the bad emotions. The bad feelings must be left behind.

Another thing, you can never ever compare one woman to another or try to judge one woman against another. That will only cause a women to resent you.

 

[sonicwhite]

I asked my roommates daughter what she thought about me. No text so I told her that I'm prolly not good looking and I'm trying to ask for a honest opinion.

She text back. Daniel I see that you're always down on yourself. You need to see the positive I. You. You have to see it.

So there where more texts but everyone is saying the same thing so I wrote on my Facebook.

I'm glad God gave me green eyes. Not many ppl have them and they change colors depending on my mood.

I'm glad God gave me the compassion I have for cats. I love them soooo much.

I thank God that He gave me a youthful face.

So in turn I started to name off all the positive things about me. She said once I start seeing the positive, others will see it too and that will make you attractive.

 

[Fadeaway]

I really like what you just posted! That was great stuff. :hug: