What Symptom Frustrates You The Most?

[RussH]

I was sitting here thinking about this and I can think of two:

The one I was thinking about first is the fear of failure, or being seen as a failure. It's almost funny; I can be involved in something that goes wrong, and I have nothing to do with its failure, but I still get anxious that someone will see me as a failure.

The second one in an inability to know if someone, especially in an envioment where circumstances put you together like work, thinks of me as a friend. I just get incredibility frustrated not knowing if others consider me a friend or not.

 

[arfie]

Ironically, mine is fear of success. I was the appointed "family saviour" and still equate success with being used by over-demanding bullies with unrealistic expectations. Adult observations have not dissuaded me much. Obama is o
mycurrent poster child on the subject...

Or is my least favorite symptom the hyper-vigilance that makes trust so hard?
Or the maddening mouth farts which pull me out of dissociation?
Or the compulsive covering of all bases which keep spawning lists like this one?
Or?
Or?
Or?

 

[RussH]

Or is my least favorite symptom the hyper-vigilance that makes trust so hard?

Yep, got that one too.

 

[Annie B]

Oh man, I feel for you both! I am so relieved that I am not alone with this.

Which symptom is the most frustrating for me?

Probably that impending sense of doom that always haunts me. Fear that something bad will happen to me or to my family. It's like I "know" the end is near at any given time and I won't make it to age 40 or even 30 despite the fact that there is no reason to feel that way. Hyper vigilance and anxiety are exhausting.

I also have fibromyalgia which until recently I didn't believe was connected. I don't sleep well. I can't remember the last time I woke up without feeling as if I was hit by a truck!

But my nightmares went away so...win!

 

[RussH]

But my nightmares went away so...win!

I am really glad to hear your nightmares are gone, so sweeeeeet dreams! my friend.

Oh man, I feel for you both! I am so relieved that I am not alone with this.

Annie, I completely agree about being relieved that I am not alone with these feelings and thoughts. I guess if I have to be nuts; it's nice to know I am nuts in such good company.

 

[Madhather]

My inability to trust, I am very cynical. (hypervigilance)

 

[Annie B]

Yea no nightmares anymore, luckily!! Hooray!

But lately I have images of random horrible things happening throughout the day. Yesterday I drove behind a truck with a pipe strapped to it and I immediately saw a flash of the pipe crashing through my windshield into the driver's seat, like I was watching a movie. It was so vivid! I thought about how I might keep my baby in the backseat safe and if I could do it in time. It was horrifying. So I switched lanes. Problem solved, haha. When did I become so paranoid??

Luckily no one other than my husband knows about my death/catastrophe "day-mares." Yea, that is annoying for sure. I'll just ride it out until those go away too. Fingers crossed. :)

 

[RussH]

Annie, I think we have been taught that bad things are going to happen to us, and when they don't we start imagining bad things happening. If this makes sense.

 

[arfie]

And if the disasters don't manifest on their own, the Id has a million ways to stir up a disaster, just to get past all that nerve-wracking wait biz.

 

[Abstract]

Frustrates me? Avoidance as in denial etc as that and trust issues are the main things stopping me from getting better. Very, very frustrating. At least things like intrusions, as horrid as they are, are something that I theoretically believe can improve.

 

[scout86]

Annie B, I do that too. Maybe it's a form of hyper vigilance. In my possibly warped way of looking at things, I take that kind of event as a "good" thing, because I can change lanes before it happens.

This probably isn't reassuring, but there is at least one time when I'm SURE having pictured a particular wreck in advance saved my life, when the event actually happened. I had a plan, executed the plan, it worked, and I'm still here.

My "most frustrating symptom"..... I'm not sure if this is a symptom.... A lot of what I dread about interacting with people is the dread of being told that I've done something "wrong".

Here's an example. I've been emailing with my T about a "homework assignment" he gave me the other day. I had sent him an email. He emailed back, told me, when I had time, I should reread what I had just sent, then go reread something I had sent earlier. He said it would be "a window, or at least a peep-hole into 'feeling like I matter....' " That relates to a conversation we had in his office the other day. Because of the context of the 2 conversations, I don't know if "I" means him or me. But, MY first thought, when I read that, was "Oh NO! What did I do now??" It was really hard to go back and reread the emails. I was sure I had "done something wrong".

I have absolutely no idea what he was talking about. Emailed back to that effect. Got back an email saying that was ok, he prefers a trip in a sail boat to a speed boat because the trip is more interesting....... (That makes more sense if you know him, believe me!) Anyway, obviously I didn't do anything "wrong" and I actually think I know him well enough to be pretty sure he's not going to yell at me or get mad at me..... So, sometimes I get tired of thinking that way and having to try to reason with myself when I AM thinking that way, assuming I NOTICE that I'm thinking that way....

 

[macca]

Hmm, great thread @RussH This has made me think, and I'm still trying to work it out, but there's one that gets' in the way all the time. So, the most frustrating thing for me I think is my reaction to anger - I either crumble or I am ready to fight to the death. I need an in-between response!

I was also glad to hear that others made "plans" to handle bad things happening - I have always done this, in response to situations such as described by Annie B, and thought it was just me, though mine do seem to have an "intruder" or "attacked by a man" focus. Funny thing is, I told my T about it and she just dismissed it, said "everyone" did that. I'm sure that isn't true, nobody else I have known well has done this, to my knowledge. Which has led me to another frustration - I hate being minimised and dismissed or ignored, because it happened to me so constantly as a child.