What To Do - Ptsd, 49, Male And Expecting???

[Enaila]

I refuse to let PTSD run my life. Yes, much is out of my control and probably will be, but I made sure my boys had other positive people in their lives during the times I wasn't coping as well. They had direction and a role model from positive boy scout leaders, I made sure I knew how they were doing in school, and there were others in my family I sometimes asked for help from.

@Friday children are most impressionable when they are young. I bet he remembers the good times and his loving mother.

 

[EveHarrington]

I refuse to let PTSD run my life. Yes, much is out of my control and probably will be, but I made sure...

Not everyone has the choice of being able to say "screw you PTSD, I'm going to do what I want".

 

[Rumors]

My kid was the perfect reason to get my shit together. I am and have. Without him I likely would be living a completely meaningless life. There is always a reason for everything so use this as a reason to work on being a great dad and person. Good luck.

 

[rosey]

The very fact that you are head swirling with so many questions and worries seems like a sign of a great dad to me. You are already putting the little one first so be proud of yourself. Parenting is hard but wonderful. I have a feeling you are going to be fine. trust yourself.

 

[shimmerz]

I am talking about messing the kid up and adding to a messed up world. I am weighing more than myself in this decision.

I am just going to suggest that once you commit to a decision, make it stick. If you decide you want the child - want it every moment of its life. Nobody has to be perfect to be a parent. A child just truly needs to know that he/she is wanted by their parents - no matter how shitty the world is.

If you decide you can't go through with it - for whatever reasons - be aware that guilt can wreak havoc as well. I have seen many a good person go down due to guilt in making this type of decision.

Either choice is yours to make.... but let go of the conflict, to move forward in a healthy manner imho.

 

[JTH]

I am just going to suggest that once you commit to a decision, make it stick. If you decide you want...

Thanks - guilt is already here. Previous partner miscarried. I was 35. Another ex aborted twice without my knowledge. And my current partner lost one early on in our relationship.
Appeciate the concern.

 

[Powder]

If the world were only full of people like you worried about not being a good enough parent and messing up unintentionally. Instead, most do not worry/care and DO mess up their kids for that very reason.

Questions I would have to look at the real issues:

1. Can you work and/or financially afford a child?

2. Do you live or are you able to live someplace child friendly?

3. Are you sober or able to remain so during times of change and stress?

4. Can you handle short-term (2 weeks to 2 years) of less than ideal sleep patterns?

5. Is your relationship open, safe and honest with the woman/mother-to-be?

If so, then this is what I consider the basic type of questions to discuss with her and a counselor.

PTSD is not a great thing to have as a parent. But if you have been able to fake it till you make it so far, with ups and downs and life stress, then in normal circumstances it could be fine, and perhaps, better for you, to have a reason and your life to be more than just for you.

 

[henamedmeowl]

I was told a long time ago by a therapist that you have to have reasons to live for yourself. You can't live for your kids, for your family, or for anyone other than yourself. No parent is perfect. We all have problems. At the same time though your life will change exponentially permanently and you will have to do everything for your child no matter your mood, symptom, or desire which for me has propelled me forward and forced me to live and find reasons for myself to do so. *hugs*