What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[The ANP]

"Do you think they raped you because you raped them in a past life"

How can you be sure you aren't just imagining?(dissociated memory of rapes)

Well everybody has PTSD...

You're crazy, normal people know that if they act that way everybody will hate them

 

[Rosie04]

The other day someone asked me why i was paying for counselling when i can get it free at uni and it reminded me of when a uni counselor said this to me when I was rather distressed about my ex-boyfriend raping me:

'well he was probably just drunk... he probably wouldn't have done it otherwise'

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The word "episode". I dont know if its just me but it makes me crenge. Any sentence refering to me and anything I do with "episode" in it, lets just say that what I'll say back wont be anything good. It likely would take me from zero to 100 and possibly into an explosion, all due to the word.

But maybe its how its used and maybe its just me, maybe both, I dont know. All I know is I hate that word.

 

[mamachick]

I don't understand why you dwell on this stuff…..let it go

 

[Acro Amazon Warrior]

"You're not even trying to help yourself!"
So stopping drinking,drugs, promiscuous and risky behaviour,...

This one resonates with me very, very strongly. In the past 7 years since coming out of the biggest of my traumas, I have been there, done that, gotten through it with alcohol/drugs, sleeping around, and all sorts of. unhealthy, risky behavior as well. And the extremes of sickening depression and manic dissociation. Through the extremes of isolation and desperately maintaining co-dependent relationships, and have been keeping such a clear "got my shit together" image that now I'm a rock for everyone else- that person they come to lean on when everyone else has given up on them, and let my emotional needs get pushed under the bus and ignored bc I'm just "too young" and "too cute" for anyone to take my suffering seriously... as if a cute face means everything in my life has always been equally cute. And...

Not only have I broken off my addictions, eating disorders, and bizarre co-dependent relationship (although I still struggle with keeping all these demons at bay), my "accomplishments" are never quite good enough for most ppl in my life, namely my family. When I found music as a way to come to a decent sense of peace and acceptance with the dark demons in my mind, parents were disappointed that I chose music as a major yet grudgingly "let" me do it, playing the victim as parents of a child going on the wrong path. When I got into one of the most prestigious arts colleges in The country, and finished a 4-year program in 2.5, they were happy for a couple weeks then went right to "now how do you expect to have a career?" When I started working as a performer/teacher, living on the poverty line for the past year since graduation but still scraping by, they go right to the "your path will doom you to poverty forever, become a financial advisor instead." And I even created my own form of experimental performance art combining hand balancing and electric guitar playing, and they find it cool/interesting but of course get into "that won't make you any money, get a certification in something else." Granted, I have always been very persuasive and can make them see my side, but still, nowhere near fully understanding why this is all important to me, bc here's the kicker: they are hell bent on pretending that "big trauma shit" of 7-10 years ago never happened and that we are all over it. Maybe them, but it is the most offensive thing in the world when someone else can pretty decently forget and not think about/act on it, while I need to relive it over and over and constantly work to maintain my sense of divinity, quelling the dark demon in my mind that tells me to go do bad things to myself, like get extremely drunk and cut my wrists, or run my car at max speed into the freeway divider.

The bystanders who can put it out of their mind cannot see the perspective of those of is who cannot stop thinking about it. Because I actually need to keep thinking about it, to remind myself of what I've learned and stay aware of what I've become. Now, let's just say that it's not enough to have been sobering up, graduating college, staying in excellent shape, creating a new form of performance art, using said art to come to terms with severe emotional pain and the physical pain that has come as a result, learning first hand the ins & outs of using self-respect to avoid soul-crushing heartbreak in an unhealthy relationship, having a solid sense of who I am and how I want my life to go, courageously pursuing the path that is meaningful to my life and inspiring others to do the same...

No f**n' way is all of this good enough. What will ever be enough? Money, that's it. But watch, when I star making $50k/yr the next question will be "why aren't you making $100k?" No, nothing is good enough as a trauma survivor who has chosen an unconventional path...

 

[Lionheart]

Never tell a person with PTSD that they should avoid stress or tell them to just "let it go."

If we could do that we would, but instead, others create more misunderstandings and hard feelings, at least for me..

 

[Rosewater]

"but you're cured aren't you - you haven't had any symptoms for a few weeks"

 

[Ruinedforever]

"Having PTSD doesn't excuse you being an asshole"
-my girlfriend

I...didn't know how to respond.

 

[Whyteferret]

Overheard- not a comment to me

PTSD doesn't exist. They are just weak and can't handle life or want attention.

I almost "went PTSD" all over that ass

 

[mamachick]

Oh who hasnt had bad shit happen to them?,,,,,,,,,
My 45 yr old niece talks about being raped as a teen whenever she drinks too much, maybe that is why she drinks too much, but she would never tell her mother (my sister), who thinks everyone should get over things. Her parents both think she is so strong, and they are in denial about her drug and alcohol abuse since her teen yrs or anger problems. She is probably worse off than me and many of us because she doesnt even know she has a problem.

 

[Bipfroggit]

I hear these all the time from the one closest person in my life who is supposed to be supporting me: "just deal with it" /"it's all in your head"/"you gotta fight it". Every time those things are said to me, i feel a pang of fury flare up that i have to stuff down. I have to fight the urge to snap back. Not cool. Do your loved one with PTSD a favor, and DO NOT EVER say those things. If someone says those things to you, just walk away and go do something that makes you feel better. peace.

 

[katz]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to tell this, but I feel I must--even to just get some confirmation that what I'm feeling is correct.

My husband and I were on our regular evening walk last night. I decided to tell him about some thoughts that I'd been having and just couldn't get rid of. I have been remembering a time from childhood, when I was running home after being R*pd by a group. I remember that as I was running, I thought to myself that (close to exact wording) "this one wasn't so bad". What a horrible thought for a child to have after being R**pd by a "group" !!

He knows that I have several "demons" that I am trying to deal with, all from childhood. He listened to me tell him this and his comment back to me was that this one must have been "better" than the others. When I got upset, and silent, he explained that this was what it had sounded like to him. He thought that I had "enjoyed" this attack! Like it was "better" than the others!! I couldn't believe it! How could anyone think that a child--a child--would actually like being violently attacked by a group?

After that, as we finished our walk in silence, I realized that I was going to be alone dealing with this for the rest of my life. If even my own husband can't understand or at least want to comfort me from all my pain....

I have begun understanding just how much this has made me into who I am. I got home that night, (many years ago), went up to my room to be by myself. Then Mom called me down to set the table for dinner. I just went down and ate with everyone. Then helped clear off the table and went to bed. Then, the next morning, I just went on with my life.

What a terrible story! Even just reading it now brings tears to my eyes. This poor, poor little girl, all alone for years and years, yet surrounded by people.....