What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Why can't you just make up your frigging mind? (on the way to a family reunion when the husband I were trying to figure out breakfast - this would be why I said - I don't care whatever you want!!! I'm already to disassociated to give a flip what we eat).
You and your brother always were trouble weren't you? (said at the family reunion - this side of our family just likes to point out all the mistakes we made - they don't have any idea how we grew up).

 

[sticks-and-stones]

From the other side of the room after I'd just burst out crying hysterically at something he knew was a trigger on TV:
"Are you ok Emsie?"
(he never normally calls me Emsie so I found it particularly patronising)

What the _ do you think?????

 

[AmberEyes]

These are things I heard within the week after my exSO tried to kill me:

"You should have..."
"You shouldn't have...."
"You're being a drama queen."
"Didn't you see the signs?"
"I hate to say I told you so..."
When I cry my mom makes this weird sound like if you are trying to control an animal (ehhhh!!!!) and she tells me to stop crying.

One particular thing I said to a friend: "I am so f****** up right now." Her response "You said it, not me."

 

[Ananda]

An ex-boyfriend actually said this to me. This may have been before I was diagnosed - but he was well aware of my trauma. "That's the difference between you and I, I'm a doer and you're a quitter" I was so angry, I could have strangled him. We were at a friends house so I settled for casting some pretty unhappy glares in his direction. Unfortunately I didn't pick up on the red flag and leave him right then - it took several more years of this type of damage before it ended.

 

[intothelight]

Its all in the past........not for us it isn't.

 

[Grace11]

Any comment that minimizes what I'm experiencing (there are so many and a lot have already been expressed here).

All-knowing remarks made by people who haven't been there.

Jokes about me sitting around eating bon-bons all day since I've been unemployed. Are you F-ing kidding me??

 

[Grace11]

Still reading and thought of something....my first "out of the house" experience seeing many friends and acquaintances was about one month after my accident. Almost everyone I spoke to either hugged me compulsively and looked at me with pity written all over their faces or totally avoided me. I NEED YOU TO TREAT ME LIKE I AM STILL ME. Someone has to! It makes it so much worse.

 

[just me here]

A person I trust (rare in this world) that has always shown concern and been a decent source of help and good advice and offered me an objective view of my behavior when I needed it recently made me rethink my opinion when he told me about someone his wife knew that came home from Iraq with PTSD and attempted a murder and then killed himself.

I can forgive it, but it reminds me of a time when I was having trouble with an irregular heartbeat, and had to wear a monitor for 24 hours including time at work. My boss told me the fantastically enlightening story of someone he knew that wore a monitor for a heart problem and then passed out at the wheel and killed his daughter in a horrible car accident.

Just couldn't thank him enough for sharing that one with me.

 

[AdamAnt]

" Hey, while you're at Wal-mart will ya pick me up some kitchen knives and a hockey mask?"

 

[Jawn]

AdamAnt I'm laughing so hard I about wet myself! ROFL!

 

[snugglepuss]

It is soooooo good to read this thread, and see that I am not the only one who is surrounded by people who couldn't get a clue even if it was handed to them.

I have been on disability for about 5 years now. My therapist diagnosed me cPTSD, the psychiatrist said BPD (to help me get on benefits). I recently posted about some of my trauma in another forum which is geared towards mental health, and had asked a general question about what people think when they hear someone use their diagnosis as an excuse for behaving poorly (when I say poorly behaved, I mean a person I know posted an incredibly bigoted hateful statement, and then when I called her on it, she said she had done it because of her BPD). I was not meaning the kind of thing like, bursting into tears at random times, or having an anger outburst and being afraid of that out-of-control feeling kind of behaviour.

One of the people in the group tore me a new one, told me that I am a disgusting person for being on disability because she has been diagnosed with dysthymia and she refused to go on disability.

Really?

I don't quite get that whole "my-diagnosis-is-worse-than-yours-so-ha-ha-ha" thing.

I have had a friend who was working in the mental health field with men who have dual diagnosis mental health and addiction issues (many of them had PTSD) tell me that the guys were so lazy, all they wanted to do was stay at home and watch tv or sleep, no wonder they were all so fat...oh, and all of them were on Seroquel or Lithium. She is a hardcore fitness freak, and has never dealt with any kind of mental health issue herself. I felt bad for her clients...

 

[Deleted member 5760]

What never to say to a PTSD sufferer :

'In these here parts I never leave home without my hunting knife... and the rifle's in the boot just in case.... can I give you a lift?'

:D