What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[Yumeko-chan]

"Oh, you're just sensitive" -- from my b/f several days ago when I brought up the HOA incident to his grandparents when we were having breakfast together

Sensitive, huh? Oh boy, if only I were able to show the whole world what goes on in my head that I don't express. I'd probably get locked up. There's a lot that he just has no clue of.

 

[Moonshadow]

Here are some lines from an email that a friend sent to me a couple of weeks ago...

You are in pain, because you allow your life to continually be the victim, you won't allow yourself to move past that. I don't know why.

It's called PTSD, and it's not a case of allowing myself to do anything. I was a victim, of many terrible traumas. The very nature of PTSD causes me to relive these awful experiences. If you really cared, you would actually read about the condition instead of pretending you know what you're talking about.


I know that you have had horrible things happen in your life, and that is not fair. But, don't let them continue to control who you are now. You are not that little girl who was abused and taken advantage of.

But I am that little girl, and this is who I am now. It's not a case of "letting them control me"; PTSD is not a choice.


This terrible movie that you keep replaying in your mind is not fair to you. It is not fair to your kids or husband.

You're right, it's not fair. You're assuming I have control over it.


You and you alone are the only one that can change the pain you are in.

That's not true. Having support instead of judgement from your friends goes a long way, too.


Don't let the PTSD become an excuse or answer to all your problems.

An EXCUSE? An ANSWER? Are you frakking kidding me?!


Don't label yourself. Heal yourself.

Is this supposed to be profound? It's not.


All these things that you are having to cut out are all the things that we are told to eat to make our bodies more healthy!!! Something doesn't seem right to me.

It's called Interstitial Cystitis, and it's an affliction of the bladder. I cannot eat anything acidic, or it causes me severe pain. It is a somatic manifestation of PTSD. And also not a choice.


I know it is hard to hold it together. Life is like that; really for most people! Sometimes it is just hard to buck up and keep going.

You're right, life is hard for most people. Try being chained to a monster who keeps punching you in the head, while you try to navigate through life. Now, let's see you "buck up and keep going". An arsenal of coping skills proves no match for "The Beast".

I don't think that we should shy away from problems, but rather confront them head on and deal with them.

How am I "shying away from problems"? I don't know how much more "head on" I could be. I'm taking pain management classes, I've started seeing a new therapist (who actually seems to know what she's talking about), I'm learning a whole new diet (of acid-free foods), I'm setting goals and doing my best to reach them, and I'm learning new coping methods to deal with my issues.

 

[Marlene]

Moonshadow,

Great words back. Why don't you copy this and send your answers back to this person? Or send them the link to the post?

Let them see your answers to their insensitive words.

Lisa

 

[Moonshadow]

I thought about emailing her these remarks, but I'm not sure she could handle it. I did send her a reply, telling her a little bit about PTSD, which she obviously knows nothing about, with links in case she wanted to read more about it.

 

[TLight]

Wow Moonshadow............such painful comments..........

I've just quit telling people. I know its isolating, but it beats the insensitive feedback.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

All these things that you are having to cut out are all the things that we are told to eat to make our bodies more healthy!!! Something doesn't seem right to me.

It's called Interstitial Cystitis, and it's an affliction of the bladder. I cannot eat anything acidic, or it causes me severe pain. It is a somatic manifestation of PTSD. And also not a choice.

Moonshadow -
I don't want to take over this thread by changing the topic - but wanted to let you know I also have IC and it absolutely causes SEVERE pain. I have been diagnosed for 2 1/2 years and see a TOP IC doctor in the US and still constantly battle this. If you need to talk to someone who has been down this particular road for awhile now please feel free to PM me. Yet, another health problem that is often misdiagnosed and not understood.

 

[Ursa]

Moonshadow

If I had received this e-mail the person that send would be demoted from friend to acquaintance.

But yes, I agree that a lot of people assume that we have a choice over PTSD or that people with mental illnesses in general have control over what they have. It just does not make sense to me that somebody would choose to suffer instead of being healthy.

 

[Armychaplain]

I'vd heard ..well, its been six months since the deployment..aren't you over that? Didn't you get a few weeks of counseling?

Try as I might, I cannot just get over it. Each day is a gift and choice to move forward. It is very hard some days to just get up in the morning. I want the world to move on without me. I just want to sleep, but feel like I am always in a hurry.

Family and friends don't have a clue. Heck, sometimes its hard to explain it myself. I feel lost in this great big world. People don't understand the anxiety I feel even when the air conditioner kicks on and I feel the need to get under the table like its a mortar or rocket going to kill me. I look for cement buildings because I feel safer in them.

I hate these feelings..

 

[Jagged Angel]

I have heard many of the ones that people have put up here and hate them all. I have read some excellent responses to the ignorant things people say (I will be using some of them!), but I hate these two the most:

- what doesn't kill us makes us stronger really? then why do I fall in heap every few days and can't get out of bed, don't want to face the world, and physically move away from men who come near me?

- At least you're not dead some days it would be easier to be dead.

Why do people think that because you're still alive that you not only are a stronger person, but that it is an easier and better way than death? I keep living because I have given myself things to live for, and for no other reason.

 

[widowmaker]

"You're blowing this way out of proportion"... Yea, my wife told me that last night. We had a huge fight about me getting pissed about the smallest of things. "You're always so angry", "Why do you just sit there and say nothing, answer me!", as I clench my teeth, afraid of what I am going to say.... I googled "how do I deal with my husband's PTSD" and found this site. I sent her the URL, I hope she reads it. I guess I'm not alone. I go back to Iraq in less than two months, and can't wait. Life is so simple there. Doesn't that sound crazy?

 

[Some1sAngel]

Some people just don't understand. It's easy to judge. That's why it's very important to educate yourself in regards to PTSD. I, myself, am doing this so that I can better understand my soilder and help him. It's hard but I'm trying.

 

[ohthetrauma]

"So, what happened to YOU in the accident?" or "You don't even look like you were in that car"
-Oh yeah because I didn't have stitches in my head I wasn't affected! What about the rest of my body that was injured!?

"Mind over matter"
-a healthy mind would be better equipped to get over the matter and mine is not!

"Just don't think about it"
-easier said than done and there are such things as nightmares

"Quit feeling sorry for yourself"
-GRRRRR! I know I sometimes do, but I just need help not criticism

"You think the world revolves around you"
-When all I want sometimes is to be invisible I'm pretty sure that suggests otherwise, but okay.

This post got my blood-a-pumpin'