Poll What Traits Do You Gravitate Towards In Others?

[nursenurse]

The Ex Boy was stable. He had the emotions of cemented rebar. I suppose we need healthy doses of all good qualities, the proportions would be what differs for the success of our individual relationships.

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

The fact is No one is perfect and we all shut down a little when frustrating disagreements occur

 

[WillowMarie]

The fact is No one is perfect and we all shut down a little when frustrating disagreements occur

That is very true, but there is also a difference in being able to discuss what happened after both people calm down. I most definitely shut down during arguments. I know that I have had to tell someone, I need some time to calm down, then we can talk about it. And there have been times where I feel like I don't want to move or can't talk/think because my body feels heavy from dissociating while having a disagreement/argument. But I always try to go back to it when I am able to discuss things.

I need people that can communicate in a healthy way. I think part of the vulnerability goes along with this because you show some vulnerability when stating your needs and boundaries.

And I agree partly with Solara on stability/PTSD friends. I guess it would depend on if my friend was working on getting healthy and had good communication. But I guess I haven't really tried it firsthand, so it might be more stressful/triggering than I imagine.

 

[The Albatross]

I actually have two ongoing friendships with friends who have PTSD - by phone but I got to visit one this summer face to face. I think it is a bit of a stretch that people with PTSD can't be "stable". The thing that I appreciate in both relationships is that we pick up each other's stress cues and adjust accordingly seemingly automatically. There is a base of nonverbal understanding that I have not found in other relationships. Hopefully both of the other women can say the same.

We are though on common ground process and progress wise and have some ideological similarities. I think that is key. We can say things to each other we wouldn't ever say to anyone in our other relationships, receive and give information in a non-judgmental way. There is an understanding and level of honesty about the struggles that is really valuable... with PTSDers who are "really" committed to recovery in as much as we are able and who are determined to get to our highest level of functioning cognitively.

Just throwing that in there because it has been my direct personal experience.

 

[Changing4Best]

Empathy is one I like and it makes me feel good. Also a good listener, which I'm told I am to.