Relationship What Triggers Have You Learned To Avoid?

[Muted]

Great question...I could make a very long list, but at the top would be yelling.

 

[dulcia]

It took me awhile to realize it was related to his Trauma. He was Cav, and in the Cav you take care of your mount.

Okay so maybe something like in the military you're supposed to have your "partner"s six and in marriage you're supposed to have your partner's six and she didn't? So like ultimate betrayal? I always assumed it was more of a timing thing....such as shitty ex-spouse situation happened during/in between deployments coupled with the unexpected loved one.

Obviously I can understand that there may not be any real point in trying to pinpoint a cause, but I do wonder.

 

[dulcia]

**********unexpected death of a loved one.

Although unexpected loved one might also work for PTSD partners LOL

 

[dulcia]

@Friday, sexually identify as an attack helicopter is the best thing I have heard all week!

Why don't you consider those things triggers? Because it's not full on response enough to be considered a trigger?

 

[Friday]

It's interesting to see how things that don't seem like they're related to combat (or whatever your sufferer's trauma may be) in actuality DO have everything to do with it.

Cha. Boredom is huge for me. Eveyone wants all the Rambo stories. No one wants to talk about the times you were so f*cking bored you wanted something to go terribly wrong, just to relieve the waiting for it to. No one talks about all the times that the first moment of peace you had, first breath of relaxing, is when shit hit the fan, and everything got f*cked sideways. Stay busy. Keep moving. Be ready. Always. Because BOHICA. I get edgy as f*ck at the first sign of boredom.

That one tangles in really badly with DV stuff. It existed perfectly fine all on it's own before the shitty spouse, but the shitty spouse certainly put a polish on it. That periods of calm are not to be trusted. If things have been good for too long? Watchout! It's about to get gnarly! :wtf: But -apparently- because the foundation was laid back when? Everything reverts to that list of normal. Means I read wrong, for DV. Tangled bunch of grrrrrrrrr.

Why don't you consider those things triggers? Because it's not full on response enough to be considered a trigger?

LOL. Technically, some are definitely triggers, others are stressors, and either way I'm responding... But on the nose! It's not "my" idea of what triggered feels like. It's not the Boom! It's subtle. Things that feel as natural/normal as breathing. But while the shit that guts me may be a thunderstorm, these are still rain. We're still getting wet. Just not as dramatically. My insisting that it ain't raining? Ha. Is about as effective as standing out in the real thing, insisting it's a sunny day.

It's also ego. I lock my other shit down so hard & so fast, that the idea that there are things I'm leaking out that I'm not even aware of? Dammit! :facepalm: I am? Aren't I? Well shit. Sigh. Okay. Adding to my list of things to sort. Noted. Maybe not high up on the list (but even if a thing doesn't bother me -aka the placement of things on my list are in direct proportion to how much they piss me off / interfere with my life), but if they're impacting others? Higher than they would be, otherwise. And if they're reeeeeally impacting others? XYZ is a big problem for them? Then I have to decide where to place it / how much it matters to me how much they are affected by it in comparison to how much I am affected to other things on my list. It's grief, sometimes, when there's an item that will spell the end of a friendship/relationship if I DONT sort XYZ ASAP... But I've got so many other things going on I CAN'T place it high enough to save the friendship/relationship.

Cough. This is one of those the-more-I-care-the-more-stress things, by the by. And part of why talking about problems can be instant-overwhelm. If someone is bringing something to me? That means I'm about to have to shuffle my list of priorities. No problem, sometimes. Other times? Big f*cking problem. If I don't care about someone they can have a list of things a mile long, and I don't give a damn. But someone I love deeply, can have just one teensy tiny little thing, and everything else on my list is suddenly taking a back seat. (Or shouting about why it CANNOT take a back seat). Or, maybe worst, I prioritize it high-high-high, but forget. Not because i don't love them, or it's not important, but because something else hits me in the gut. I hate that. Hate. It. So many things. I just can't keep track of them all. >>> I didn't realize normal-folk don't do this complicated dance sort of thing until fairly recently... So I hope what I'm writing makes any kind of sense, it may not. But It's helped, realizing this isn't what other people do naturally &/or expect me to be doing in my head. Not all problems are stop-the-world. So it means I can ask them exactly how high-priority XYZ is to them. Instead of automatically thunking down my A-W list for them to see, or shoving over my A-W list. I can negotiate, with them (how big is this? how stop the world? how capable will you be of reminding me *before* you get mad about it, etc.) ...& with myself... Instead of the black and white needs must.