What Would You Do?

[Healing Survivor]

Just an update: I had a hard therapy session yesterday. I realized I am a doormat and am only there for others, not for myself. I've been taking care of my husband instead of myself. She suggested we separate. It's a scary thing, yet I think it might be a good idea. It's not making a rash decision but it's getting some time to myself to think. Opinions??

 

[bluecat]

Hi HealingSurvivor,

I am so sorry, this must had been an unbelievable shock. I don't have much to add to all the sensible advice people wrote above, but wanted to express my sympathy with your situation. Its very hard to find out that someone you love is not who you thought he was. You have all the right to feel hurt and angry. Now you have to be strong and fight to protect yourself and not have your husband's crimes destroy your life even more, but later, you might have to grive all that you lost when you learned this horrible news. I am really sorry, you have my wholehearted support.

Good luck,
Bluecat

 

[Jestadud]

You need a lot of time to yourself and rest assured that you have the support of the majority here, if you need to separate then it's because you feel there is truth in what you are being told. If so then you need to look after yourself first and foremost.

 

[PNW_Trees]

I gave you a pretty strong opinion earlier and I stand by it. Hovever, the only opinion that really matters here is yours. It is your live and you need to make the best decisions you can with all the wisdom you have earned up to now.

 

[AdamAnt]

Okay...I'm gonna point at the big ol' elephant in the room....you haven't consumated your marriage to this man and no children are involved. Have you considered an annulment to the marriage? I'm sure you both have your own personal reasons for the arrangement of your relationship, but luckily I believe the law allows for an easy way out for you in this case if you feel it's the right thing to do.

 

[Iam]

Hi HS,
This is the first that I have seen this thread. I just wanted to tlet you know how sorry I am for what you are going thru. It is truly awful and must be so shocking. Getting away is probably a good idea. Give you time to think and sort things out. I am glad that you have a good support system, you are very lucky on that point. The fact that he doesn't have a support system is not your problem. The statistics against rehabilitation of pedophiles is staggering, but PNW is right, it is your life and you are the only one who can decide what you are willing to live with. It sounds like you have a good T that can help you figure this out. Right now you need to take care of you. (((HUGS))) if you will accept them.

 

[Healing Survivor]

Thanks to everyone for your kind words! Right now I am very confused bc people are suggesting my husband is a pathological liar. I don't see him this way, but maybe I'm blind to it? I hate this....

 

[Abrasky]

Sorry about your situation. As a child of a family with a person like this, who cut ties with this web of lies 10 years ago, I agree with other people about all their wonderful advice here.You are very brave to come on here. And obviously stepping in the right direction with the councelling.

 

[Healing Survivor]

Just an update...I have been in bad form for a few weeks. I just can't believe this is happening. But in my heart of hearts I don't think we are going to make it through this. And what's sad is I feel bad for HIM! This is so hard...

 

[just me here]

Thanks for checking back in, I have wondered what happened with your situation. What I posted before is still my best advice, but since I gave it I have pulled back a little, staying out of the advice business. I doubt I would offer up opinions on such a deep personal battle now. But I did and I stand by it, please don't disappear I want to know how you get through this. Good thoughts to you.

 

[shadowchaser]

Your T knows you and your situation better then any of us here. Work with them to find what is right for you. And always know that we are here for you when ever you kneed support.

 

[Healing Survivor]

We've decided to divorce. The problem is he wants to wait until all his therapy is done, he has a new job, etc. So he can stay on my benefits. This could take years! What do I do?!