What Would You Do?

[bellamy]

Hello everyone,

Please I would like to hear your advices because I'm desperate.

Few months ago I started seeing therapist for the first time. It was good at first, she was really nice but the thing we were doing didn't work for me, somatic experiencing, I think it was called. So she proposed that I would go see this other therapist, her friend, who works with different approach. I didn't want to go at first because I was really angry at myself and everything cause I failed first time. But I went anyway and it was even worse. One thing that she was really unsympathetic and the way she spoke was like she was judging me. The other was when she told me I should start taking medication which I don't want to. Or start seeing her regularly but it would be for a long time and I can't afford that. Plus I didn't like her at all. Last 20 minutes she was talking all I could think about was that "I want to leave right now, I'm gonna cry and I need to leave". That was two weeks ago and I'm not doing really well. I don't know what to do! I study at university but I already know I'm going to fail exams because I can't even focus to study.

What do you do when you're all alone? Please any thoughts and tips are appreciated.

 

[billie]

Go straight to the uni councilor and bring your documentation of your diagnosis. They should draw up a plan for you to cater for study with ptsd. Don't be surprised if you end up only doing one or two subjects. This is important because it directly effects your well being, and can lower your anixety greatly. Can you also go back to the original T and ask for another person? I wish you all the best.

 

[Dee Morris]

Billie's plan for school is a good one. You didn't say if you were attending full time but you might consider taking just a few classes at a time. I started with 3 when I went back to school. That was a good fit for me. Now I keep it at 4 a semester.

I understand being resistant to medication but I highly encourage you to reconsider. At least for a period of time until you feel more stable. I don't know what your concern is with the meds but the right one can help. That extra help might help you find some focus until you can find the right therapist to help.

 

[franciemarnie]

I am sorry you have had such a rough start with these T's.

You didn't fail in any way whatsoever. Doing Somatic Therapy with that T was not right for you at that time.

I do not like the next T at all. Any time you want to get up and leave - no matter where you are - please get up and leave. She sounds like such a jerk.

Keep looking. You will find the one. It took me a few tries.

Trust your instincts.

 

[SomersetHG]

Below is a checklist for efffective therapy. Dito to Franciemarie. If you are self funding I would recommend a Human Givens Therapist, as they all specialise in the safe treatment of Trauma symptoms.

An Effective counsellor or psychotherapist:

· understands depression and how to lift it
· helps immediately with anxiety & trauma problems
· is prepared to give information and advice as needed
· will not use jargon or psychobabble
· will not tell you that counselling or psychotherapy has to be 'painful'
· will not unduly dwell on the past
· will be supportive when difficult feelings emerge
· will not encourage people to get emotional
· may assist you to develop your social skills
· will help you draw on your own resources
· will be considerate of the effects of counselling on the people close to you
· may teach you to relax deeply
· will help you think about your problems in new and more empowering ways
· uses a wide range of techniques as appropriate
· may ask you to do things between sessions
· will take as few sessions as possible
· will increase your self confidence and ensure you feel better after each session

* this list was prepared by the ethical committee of ETSI (The European Ethical Studies Institute)

 

[NovemberStar]

I hope you can try with another therapist - it's important you feel you aren't judged by them, and feel heard as well as feel you might be able to trust them.

But please don't stop therapy because you 'felt worse' during therapy - few of us would ever stick at therapy if that were the case.

Also be open minded to what if any of your feelings you are projecting onto the therapist you see. Example would perhaps the T wasn't judging you, but you FELT like they were, because you've been judged in the past and feel very sensitive to feeling that way.

I also recommend you consider meds - I understand your hesitancy; many meds have potential side effects HOWEVER not all meds cause all side effect for all people. Trauma affects how your brain chemicals work - the symptoms of trauma (flashbacks', hyper alertness, anxiety) are all signs that your brain is already altered chemically from what might be considered 'normal'; meds can work to help restore a better biochemical balance in your brain. Much like a diabetic who requires insulin for their body to function at its best.

If, like me you are worried about side effects if starting a new med, make sure you ask the prescribing dr for info on that drug, and ask if you can start at a very low dose and SLOWLY increase it.

Does your Uni have a disability support service for students? When I was at Uni there was one which meant I had extra support when needed - I had someone take notes for me for all lectures - even the ones I missed due to poor health. It was free too. I was also entitled to extra time for essays and assignments', as well as qualified for an extra half hour for exams. Even had the option of sitting the exam in a smaller office rather than the usual huge hall (less anxiety, less people!)

Please don't be afraid to reach out for all the support you can - there is no shame in having a mental health issue; just think of it like any other physical illness - no shame in having diabetes or a broken leg!

 

[NovemberStar]

Ps - failure is not measured on how many therapists you try before finding one that works for you! I've been in some sort of therapy for 20 years and counting and have seen MANY different. Ts with different approaches and skill levels in that time. Please do not blame yourself - put it this way - would you think I'M a failure for having needed therapy for 20 years and seen multiple therapists? Chances are you wouldn't', so why judge yourself more harshly than you'd judge a random stranger? :-)

 

[maryel42]

I second -third? -fourth? don't be afraid to try another therapist. And another after that. Until you find one you can feel comfortable with. Therapists are people too, by which I mean that sometimes? People just don't click. Personality, sense of humor, general attitude... It's okay to not click. It's expected that you won't click with all of them.

When you do find a therapist you can work with, it's great. If you persevere and find one you click with? It's magical.

Sure, the work can be very hard and sometimes you'll feel like absolute crap coming out of session. You'll look forward to your appt and you'll dread your appt, and really it is a whole love-hate relationship marked by some of the most naked trust you'll ever place in another human being.

That's why it's important to keep searching until you're comfortable. Because when you get to that emotional-bearing-all level, how much trust you place in them is how much progress you'll ultimately make -in my experience that is.

 

[Hashi]

Hi Bellamy,

I agree with the other posts.

It's very hard to recover from trauma/PTSD alone. I think it's worth trying therapy again, but approaching it differently. Have you read about the different types of therapy? I'm sorry that you've had a negative experience, but you can use that to help you identify what would be better for you - both type of therapy and the therapist's approach.

I tried several therapists/therapies before I understood what would be right for me. I think that's usual.

In the meantime, you need help with coping. If you search the site on "coping" or "grounding" you'll find a lot of threads with ideas. For example:

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-is-the-goal-of-grounding.23699/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/grounding.19978/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/grounding-101.12459/
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-types-of-grounding-techniques-do-you-do.39486/

Please consider ringing a helpline if you need to. I don't know what country you're in, but usually there are helplines for how you're feeling (for example depression, anxiety) and helplines for particular types of trauma/issues (for example alcohol and drug use, assault). If there's any confidential counselling available at your university, that would also be good.

 

[bellamy]

Thank you everyone for your advices and nice words! I definitely will think about finding new therapist.

Also, thanks NovemberStar for your explanation about medication. I never thought about it that way. I guess I should reconsider it.
And thanks for the links, Hashi!