Relationship What's Real And What's Not?

[caligirl03]

When your partner tells you they need you and can't live without you, then in essentially the same breath turn around and list all the reasons why you're the worst thing to ever happen to them, which do you regard as reality? If you're truly as awful as they say, why not go away and stay away? Why always come back in rather predictable fashion? This defies all logic I know to draw upon.

 

[boodle]

When your partner tells you they need you and can't live without you, then in essentially the same b...

@caligirl03 I've been trying to work this one out too. I was 'the one' and she regularly told me 'I love you'. Then in the next conversation she was blaming me for everything and making me out to be some monster. The anger and blame was never directed to friends, always to loved ones. This puzzled me.
I have had many thoughts about it. My current thinking is that it is due to the emotional connection as partners. We have acces to emotional areas that partners find painful. Even if the emotion is what we see as a good one, they can fear it. Dependent on what originally caused the PTSD In my SO case it was abuse, so I think it could have been unresolved anger that was originally directed at the person she loved that caused the abuse. It had been locked away for years until that raw area of love is opened again. The last time she had that feeling of wanting to love, she had to protect herself with anger. I feel it is misdirected.
It would be great to hear any more views but that was my thinking. Hope it helps.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Both are true, in the moment they're saying them, the difference is when things calm down which ones are they continuing to say?

I went from being all she wanted for a decade to "not into this" and "I need a friend more than I need or want anything else", now our relationship is being strangled to death by somebody else who controls her ability to communicate. Sad I know.

If your "sufferer" leans more towards the I love you, I need you when they're in a calmer and better place then I'd place more stock in that than the words that come from fear, stress and bad PTSD moments, they may feel very real right there and then but if when they calm down they aren't repeating them I'd be confident it is the "I love yous" that are coming out on top.

 

[dulcia]

In my experience, if the feeling lasts after 24 hours or more, it's real enough.