Relationship What's Your Average Day Look Like? Feel Like?

[Fickleme]

I'm just curious for other carers out there what your average day can look like with your sufferer? More so the " bad" days as I know that when PTSD isn't in the picture we are all floating on cloud 9. I'm just curious what types of situations you find yourself in? How you feel ? How you handle things? Do you feel anxious never knowing what's going to come next?

 

[Panda Bear]

Do you want to know what my family life looks from my perspective, as the person with PTSD and how it affects my spouse?

 

[Sweetpea76]

A bad day can be anything from total isolation and not seeing hide nor hair of him, to lashing out... snark, mean comments, blame game, what have you. He doesn't rage as much as he used to, in fact I'd say he never rages anymore, but I don't want to jinx it.

I've gotten way less stressed about it over time. Most of the time I just let it roll off my back. Of course I worry about him. He doesn't act like that if he is feeling well. But I think I've gotten to the point where I can accept that is just part of loving somebody with this particular set of symptoms. In fact, it makes me feel guilty as hell, but when he isolates I use it to do fun shit he never wants to do. I mean, if he doesn't want anything to do with me that day, I'm taking my kids to the amusement park and getting some coaster time in. I'm going shopping with my daughter or girlfriends. I'm going to see girly movies or getting my pedi on. I have my phone on me if he wants me.

There are some things that I still have a hard time with. A few random shitty comments when he's lashing out, meh, I can deal with it. When it is piled on in massive amounts it gets to me. Even if I know he is lashing out, having my intelligence questioned all day long or being told I'm ruining somebody's life over and over wears on me. I also don't handle his deep depressions or suicidal ideations well. I would rather him yell in my face than feel that worthless. It breaks my heart to see him feeling that horrible.

 

[Crow]

Oh to have someone to take care of things on the bad days. What a dream world.

 

[Nikie]

Wake up at 5
Back then: i love to watch the sun come up with my cofffiee put the washing in the machine.. To be out before I woke the others for coffee
now: I walk to the kitchen as fast as I can make coffee try and be mindful but its to slow I get bored.. Trough the clothes in with no feeling about it

Back then cleaned everyting in the kitchen
Now: Stand around stress about all the work to be done.. Make breakfast its to much so i keep just stressing about it.. Getting more and more each day

Back then : cleaned the house and love the smell of cleaning chemicals
Now Clean after breakfast go to my room thinking why the hell did i do that it will be a mess in 30 min

Back then . start a new project in homeschool play with the kids swim back to school stuff..
Now: to prevent a big desaster from happening I either sleep or just do noting.. Just don't communication with the kids. They don't deserve it..at 10 start to stress about lunsh cos there is not a lot to do about it. Like now his farming equipment broke down stressing about the amoun of yelling. Why would we even try schooling he is only going to think out work for us expert schoolwork..

Back then : we incorporated making lunch in schooling teaching measurements and improve vocabulary. Wow we played so much every school project was a game
Now: By 12 I get out... unsure and paralized by what ever and make lunsh .. Then start to stress about what hubby will say cos its not much.

Back then : take a break till 2 and do some landscaping :joyful: either drawing or playing in the garden.
Now : After lunch hiding in the room. I just do not want to see what's going on around me... The animals will just ruen every project we do so why tf bother

Back then swim again or do some hobby's yeyyyy.. Glass cutting .. Mosaic... Needlework.... Restored old stuff:playful: any creatiff thing is. Wahoooo :singing:
Now: who tf am I kidding ....go to bed

Back then : making dinner alone planing the next day
Now just get this tasteless dinner over ..

Just another day in Paradise:D

How do I feel? Guilty

How you handle things? Stay out of the way why bother. You are always in the dog box

Do you feel anxious never knowing what's going to come next?
Yeah kind of but I know what's next just never know when the next will be...

 

[catlover26]

My Average day? Well good for both of us we are not married and live apart. Both have been divorced. It helps for us to have a few days apart from each other after we're together. When I first met him he was different and I thought there would be a chance at marriage but although he told me about his Alcoholism (he's been sober 30 yrs) I didn't know the extent of the ptsd and the mood swings.

Driving over to his place I still get negative thoughts in my head. What kind of mood will he be in, what will he be obsessing about, terrorists, the election, illegal immigrants.... His negative thoughts couldn't help but effect me. He criticizes the way people look when we used to go out to eat or anywhere. He doesn't feel like going anywhere anymore. Then I found myself noticing someone thinking some of those same thoughts and it upset me. So I would keep repeating.... "Those are his thoughts, not mine..." I think he does that because he has such low self esteem.

Conversations that weren't really arguments but he would exaggerate them because I brought up something would keep playing in my head like racing thoughts. If you ever have that problem listen to music that will get stuck in your head. Songs that you can sing to etc. That is the only way I could cope with that.

We have our good times when he can be so funny but he dwells now a lot on health problems. As soon as I walk in he can say he's had a rough day, look at this new bruise on his leg, he didn't sleep well.....

Thankfully he doesn't really criticize me directly but has pulled back on the closeness of our relationship in several ways. He won't talk on the phone anymore, the affection is minimal and it comes and goes.

But I started Al Anon and am learning and trying to practice the only person I can control and fix is me. And that is what I have to keep reminding myself daily and usually every minute I am with him so I don't react to his comments. If this relationship will work I have to accept him the way he is and realize he will not change.

 

[catlover26]

I'm just curious for other carers out there what your average day can look like with your sufferer? Mor...

And yes I feel anxious and nervous all the time not knowing what is going to happen. I know I have it a lot easier than many on here. But his mood swings feel like a roller coaster ride. A few weeks ago something upset him about the news or something and he threw something across the room. He's gotten angry but never really yelled at me but I have been in the truck with him yelling at other people and getting angry with someone over the phone. So it can't help but make you wonder if and when it is going to happen to me.