When Did You First Seek Help And What Symptoms Did You Have?

[Abstract]

What do your blackouts look like?

 

[CrazyHorse]

I got help at the rape crisis center a few days after my rape. I owe that to my wonderful sister. I had a breakdown in front of her while telling her about what had happend. I could hardly breathe and was crying and shaking so hard and she convinced me to go to the center. I would not have gone there on my own. I did not even percieve what had happend as rape because I was passed out when it happend, and back then rape in my mind was only valid if you had been jumped or threathend in some way (boy, am I wiser now) and I feared I would be wasting their time. But of course they took me very seriously.

 

[jjh29]

I blacked out after I had already calmed down and climbed into bed for sleep. In fact I thought I fell asleep, until next morning I looked at my feet and they were black. That's why I think I blacked out. Do they typically occur that way? And crazy horse that's exactly my trauma all over, I think that's why I'm so paranoid over the blacking out because I was taken advantage of when I blacked out from drinking. Since then I don't drink.

 

[Abstract]

Ah. I remember you discussing that. [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/blackouts-dissociation.34190/[/DLMURL]

Personally from what you describe I think it could either have been a flashback or dissociation. Either could look like that. Both can vary enormously.

think that's why I'm so paranoid

It might be worthwhile discussing this more with your t.

 

[Raj]

I was forced into poor quality therapy and not diagnosed years ago, so my abusers could find out "why I was making up things". You see they blamed me for what they or other abusers they saw as my victims were doing. Then about fourteen years ago my wife after seeing me in the fetal position and talking like a trapped child started begging me to get the help I needed, that didn't even work, for me it came after a suicide attempt.

Then I found out I was a"real victim". I have no memory of the suicide attempt only of damage caused by it. I still lose time and sometimes don't know what day it is.

 

[jjh29]

Thank you abstract, I just started with her and I didn't tell her last time I seen her. (It was my first session) I am going to try to talk to her this week. Raj I am glad you replied to my thread. For some reason it makes me feel better to hear from other people with ptsd and hear their experiences.

 

[Lucycat]

One day, out of the blue, memories of being abused as a child came back to me. I was in shock, I went through my days on auto-pilot, because I couldn't think, and I couldn't sleep.

This was a bit like me, only the 'out of the blue' was caused by the police telephoning me to say they had arrested my father for historical child abuse - was there anything I should tell them? This was over 30 years after the abuse ended. I had hidden the memories until then.

I too could not sleep or think, nor eat. Auto pilot is a good description. It was total meltdown with intrusive memories, flashbacks and nightmares. My self confidence hit rock bottom.

I was very lucky that within a week of this starting I found my fabulous T who helped me back to recovery. I was off work for 4 months but it was much longer before I was really better. That is now 3 years ago. I still have infrequent contact with T whenever I feel I need it.

 

[jjh29]

So what is the difference between blacking out and dissociation?

I think everything is just new and confusing to me right now. I hate it. I feel like I'm crazy.

 

[Leah123]

I began therapy first when I was 14. I was feeling a frightening loss of emotional control, after being highly dissociated for a long time, though I certainly didn't recognize it as a symptom of anything at the time. I had three incredibly rewarding months of therapy with the school counselor at that time, just basic, groundbreaking, emotion-recognition/release work, then. It almost wasn't like therapy... it was just having the permission to be upset and have someone care about me without reprisal for the first time that was so healing.

I continued therapy a few years after that and attended support groups for a while, but always with no results, poor results, or mixed at best, and gave it up at about 18 or 19. I just began therapy again three months ago to deal with anger at my daughter, mostly glad I did. ;)

 

[Abstract]

Be patient with yourself jjh. Its a lot to take in. I am still struggling 3 years later.

I think when people say blackout it is just a general description of not being aware. That could be whole periods of childhood, a few minutes or anything inbetween. And it could be because of all sorts of dissociation. For example dissociative trance, dissociative amnesia, fugue, flashbacks etc. Personally I tend to call them blanks rather than blackouts.

Is there something you are worrying about to do with this other than feeling out of control?

Dissociation isn't crazy and is rather a method of self protection. This thread may help you: [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/dissociation-explained.13879/[/DLMURL]

 

[Anna]

I didn't seek help. I was referred by a doctor when they examined me after the trauma and saw all the cuts and burns on my arm. They then sent me to see a psycho sexual therapist who was specialised in trauma.

I did the therapy for the year, to be honest, it didn't help. It made me realise a few things about myself, but it did not help me cope in anyway.

 

[jjh29]

Abstract I was raped while I wasn't in control. I blacked out from alcohol and was raped. I still live in the same apartments. If I'm blanking out and I'm not in control then that scares me. It almost feels like I'm retraumatizing myself. It's sad that I have to continue to suffer

It really saddens me that everyone who had suffered trauma has to keep suffering. It's not fair