Relationship When hubbie called earlier i relaised i am answering in a "victim" mode.

[Sunshine71]

Hi there guys

When hubbie called earlier I relaised I am answering in a "victim" mode... a weak "Hello" as though I am scared... worried and frightened... he said he had had a terrible night and was (I feel) aggressive in his response. And of course who wouldn't be after another terrible night.

He called back an hour later as something was going on and he had to tell me and I thought I would answer with a more happier "hello" - not too much but speaking as I really am....
And his response was more positive too - even though it was sad news he was telling me about.

Not sure if this could help anyone here or me just thinking out aloud... I am going to do my best not to be the victim or at least not act/ speak like this.

Sunshine x

 

[Kintsugi]

Why do you think your instinct is to answer in a weak or frightened tone?

I've noticed communication in relationships tends to flow more freely and smoothly when both parties do their best to greet one another in an upbeat manner--"Well hey there, sweetheart! What's up?" seems to get the communication juices flowing better than "Hey."

 

[Sunshine71]

I love your message Simply Simon..... and this is how I am .... usually.... I am very bubbly and I am a radio and TV presenter too ... it has been a very tough time with my hubbie and we have had to call the emergency support people... been to see the psychiatrist and the mental health unit yesterday and he is saying he wants to die.... it is an un bearable time.... so I really am frightened to see him and talk with him.... he says our marriage is over BUT he doesn't want it to be... so it is so tough at the moment.... however I don't want to respond as a victim as perhaps he is sensing this and even playing on it... even subconsciously...

Thank you again Sunshine x

 

[LuckiLee]

It sounds like a form of "walking on eggshells". We don't know how to react /respond if we don't know what type of mood our sufferers are in.

If my guy leaves the house in a pissy mood chances are he will still be in that mood if he calls. I may not answer in a "victim" mode but I will answer in a calm voice.

I think you are just worried about him and you may jump to the conclusion that it's not just a friendly call but something worse.

Sometimes I will text a little message just so I can gauge his mood by his reply.

Try not to let his mood effect yours. Ha. I know easier said than done!!

Good luck!