Childhood When It Interferes

[Stills]

Over time my outbursts heightened and I've had to suffer the consequences of my behaviour. I didn't think it was that bad, but now I'm getting a harsh reality check. I still don't really want to admit as I don't feel ready to improve myself. I'm way too jumpy and quick to anger. I don't see myself relaxing, if I am, it's my way. It's weird for me to have this mentality, but I just get overwhelmed easily, and I think I'm being fair on every level even when I am so not. It's like the inner child in me is reclaiming my control in the most immature way possible. I'm not proud when I see what I've done. I lost a friend recently. I got mad and cussed them out. And I apologized of course but now they don't want to be my friend anymore and said how they don't need that stress right now. I respect their feelings, but of course I feel kind of sad. I'm questioning how much my behaviour has shaped my current relationships. I'm thinking it's my fault. This just isn't fair.

 

[BlueOrange]

I can relate to this, quite strongly. Therapy is really important for helping the inner child to mature and to slow down, to connect to a broader perspective.

 

[Stills]

I can relate to this, quite strongly. Therapy is really important for helping the inner child to mat...

I f*cked up so bad recently. I haven't called my T. I think it's too late now...

 

[purpleswirled]

Stills, you have described the feelings and experiences I battle with daily. I find it so strange to think someone else feels like me. i thought it wa sjust me

 

[purpleswirled]

Stills, I ended up in hospital due to the kind of thing yyou describe last week. had a PTSD/BPD episode at church. now i will be kickjed out. out ogf my only family

 

[purpleswirled]

Over time my outbursts heightened and I've had to suffer the consequences of my behaviour. I didn't thin...

Stills, i wish i had some advice for you. I can only tell you I know where you are coming from and it sucks. I wish you hope and peace. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone???

 

[ladee]

Many times when I thought I was "protecting" little ladee, all I was doing was scaring her.
She is all I have of BEFORE and that ended at age three or four.
Learn..unlearn. Learn...unlearn.
My rage protected all the things I was scared of. Being vulnerable..being shamed out of existence.
I would go from upset to rage. I had to learn what the in bewteen feelings were. And I had to learn how to express them.
I had a wonderful T that showed me how to self regulate.
PTSD was not mainstream when I started my healing journey.
Some things absolutely didn't touch core issues back then.
But am so grateful she showed me I had feelings beside rage.
It helped when I was able to do more intensive therapy down the line.
Can't remember the last time I raged. I do know it makes me feel pysically sick. The adrenalin dump ,my body can not handle it.
And to think that is how I survived until I learned another way.
Rage served me well, until it didn't.

 

[purpleswirled]

Many times when I thought I was "protecting" little ladee, all I was doing was scaring her.
She is all I...

Ladee, yes, me too. rage seemed safer growing up. i didnt feel my house was safe. yet when my rage began to cauise me to hurt myself and others and cause me paranoia and psychosis needing treatment with nasty drugs i realised it had turned against me. i want to break the cycle

 

[BlueOrange]

I f*cked up so bad recently. I haven't called my T. I think it's too late now...

I'm sad to hear that. It might be too late to get you the things you want. But you're still breathing, so it's not too late to make improvements.

 

[purpleswirled]

Stills, please talk to your therapist. I say that as someone who neeeds to call community MH team and won't take her own advice. Stills YOU are worth it

 

[ladee]

Its never too late. Whether you are talking clock time or life time.
You're here sharing. Doesn't sound like it's too late.

 

[purpleswirled]

Its never too late. Whether you are talking clock time or life time.
You're here sharing. Doesn't sound l...

yup Ladee is correct on that one.