When my t cancels

[Punky143]

For unavoidable reasons, my T cancelled getting the email early before work. So before I even got to work I was already dysregulated not wanting to be around anyone. Everything today has been a struggle. I have DID and borderline amoungst other stuff. I one thing I hate is change of any kind and the abandonment felt so deeply. It's not as if anyone would understand or be sympathetic. So, it's kept inside although it eats at me all day. It's a domino effect and I've been this way my whole life. Some of my parts understand things happen and it's not as if I can't make it until next week. But the other parts deal with it in their own ways to include anger, frustration, rebellion, sad, and overall miserable. Does anyone else feel this way? Fyi: yes I took dbt- twice actually. Yes some use skills, and we repeat the same thing every time this feeling happens, validate etc.

 

[Friday]

Some of my parts understand things happen and it's not as if I can't make it until next week. But the other parts deal with it in their own ways to include anger, frustration, rebellion, sad, and overall miserable

One of the things that helped me the most... in life, period... was raising my son. Because I had to break adult concepts (like emotional monitoring and regulation) down into childsized bites.

For example, we used a marble jar for a couple few years.

In the beginning the day was broken into maybe a dozen segments. Waking to breakfast. (Including showering, brushing teeth, etc.). Breakfast to midmorning (we had a break scheduled then, whether we were out and active and settling down, or settled and getting up to go run the wiggles out, midmorning there was a stop what we’re doing and do the opposite for 20 minutes). Midmorning to lunch. Et cetera. >>> As time went by, that became 6 segments. Then 3. Then the whole durn day. Each time the marble jar was filled, we adjusted the timing. the first jar? Took the longest to fill. Even though it flat out had the most opportunities for marbles. Because he was learning.

The rule was, if he got through the entire segment without any meltdowns, he got 2 marbles. If he started to melt down, but got himself in hand, he got 1 marble. Meltdown? 0 marbles this segment, but hey! Next segment is a whole new chance :D Fill up the jar? BIG prize. Of his choosing. And he didn’t have to choose until the end, so he got to continuously come up with cool things he reeeeally wanted to do. Sky the limit. Literally. One of his jars involved a trip on an airplane.

Watching/teaching him start to pay attention to his own warning signs, calming himself down, and start fresh (multiple times a day) is what really taught ME to do the same durn thing. On purpose, instead of as an accumulation of lessons sort of slapdashed together. Because I had to break down what I KNEW -as an adult- into somehing a 3yo could understand and accomplish. By the time he was 8? Both of us were total rock stars at it, and the marble jar was retired. It could have been retired when he was 5, but prizes rock :sneaky: And I’m super big on training /ie/ once you’re solid in it? Keep doing it, until it’s knee-jerk, then keep doing it some more until you can do it in your sleep.

I don’t have a physical marble jar, these days. But I use the same concepts when I’m symptomatic, to a tee. Right down to restarting the whole “day” over, sometimes a dozen times. In my adult mind, I’ll often wash a whole day. f*ck it. Today is scrapped. But when I’m doing badly enough that I remember to section the day? Break it down for me the same way I did for my 3yo, 4yo, 5yo, etc.? So what this morning sucked? I’ve GOT this.

The MarbleJar was just one of dozens of things we used over his childhood.

So you’ve got DBT down in some ways, but not in others? How would you teach a kid the same skills? How would you make it fun for them? And fun for you?