When other people move on

[willhealeventually]

I’ve been in treatment for ptsd. Whatever got brought up put me in a deep depression to the point where I haven’t been able to get out of bed.
My younger son stopped by - his dad with the new girlfriend outside - to pick up sneakers for a hike. It was like being hit with a sledgehammer. My ex has moved on completely and I am stuck aline with my depression during a long weekend. I can’t even get out of bed.
I feel devastated and abandoned...

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey there @willhealeventually - I read you post earlier in the week and I really felt for you. I'm sorry you are feeling so down.

I’ve been in treatment for ptsd.

^So this is good to hear.

Whatever got brought up put me in a deep depression

^Sometimes treatment can raise unexpected issues that lead us off into areas we didn't expect. I don't think treatment for ptsd tends to be completely lineal.

If you find this depression doesn't shift after a few sessions with your T or psydoc maybe let them know how badly you are feeling. It depends how debilitating your depression is and how you are coping. There are alternatives to withdrawing from the world.... meds... etc.. Something for you to discuss with your health carers if necessary.

his dad with the new girlfriend outside - to pick u

^That sounds awkward. But I guess he is moving on and isn't being sensitive to how you would feel.

It was like being hit with a sledgehammer.

^I don't know anything about you or this relationship that is now over but it is hard. One day it won't feel like that. Give yourself time to recover.

My ex has moved on completely and I am stuck aline with my depression during a long weekend.

Yep ex's are capable and willing to please themselves - there is nothing wrong with that no matter how much it hurts you.

You are feeling really down right now and it's tempting to feel you are stuck and alone with this depression and facing a long weekend with it is hard too. But reach out to people that you care about and move onwards too.

I feel devastated and abandoned...

^It seems to me that you have not put a lot of distance between your ex and yourself and how you feel. Again, I know nothing about the break-up and your particular circumstances but I can tell you are very hurt and down.

I want to give you words of comfort... that feeling this way will not last forever and it's ok to feel like you do. But also remember if you want to dig yourself out of this hole that you are floundering in... you will need to make the effort too.

Depression is a absolute bastard of an illness and along with ptsd it can seem impossible to overcome. Many ppl here on this forum will attest to the way depression can devastate all of the best efforts you can make. You are not alone... keep trying... we know what this feels like too. :hug:

 

[ChildofGod]

All I can say is that you and your ex are completely different people. It's easy but unfair to look at others, and to be want what they have, or it's easy to compare ourselves. I hope you focus on you, so that you can relax or unwind or maybe try medication. Medication helps me a lot.

 

[willhealeventually]

All I can say is that you and your ex are completely different people. It's easy but unfair to look at others, and to be want what they have, or it's easy to compare ourselves. I hope you focus on you, so that you can relax or unwind or maybe try medication. Medication helps me a lot.

@Zencat perhaps... i think I am grieving 15 years of marriage. That’s not a small thing. I am also grieving that I took care of my family financially and gave my heart and soul, but was so disposable when my ptsd symptoms made me function poorly. I am also grieving the fact that I have ptsd, which limits my options significantly in the kind of life I hoped to have and worked toward all my life.
I am on medication and have been for years. My ptsd became unmanageable recently and I had a 2nd nervous breakdown. I guess I hoped in sickness and in health meant something, but it didn’t. I’m starting to move on, but it took a lot of professional help and a med leave from work to get me to a place where I can even start to rethink my life.

 

[shimmerz]

That’s not a small thing. I am also grieving that I took care of my family financially and gave my heart and soul, but was so disposable when my ptsd symptoms made me function poorly.

Yeah, I can relate to this strongly. To me it is like a betrayal. And there is no question that it feels like (to me) being left for dead.

It is super hard not to get caught up in the vortex of those feelings. Being mindful that they are a trap is important. The most helpful thing at this time is to focus on things that help you take care of yourself. Most of us with PTSD are shitty at that but honestly, it is the way out. Put together a self care routine that has you taking care of your physical needs (brushing teeth, showering, eating healthy foods, preparing those foods). Keep moving. Freezing and being unable to move is just a reminder that we need to focus on movement even if that means just moving fingers and toes.

I am very sorry this has happened to you. There is a life out there for you again. It may not seem like you can ever be happy again but that is all smoke and mirrors. Keep focused on moving and self care. Much respect. I know this is so painful.

 

[ladee]

You ARE making progress! Just since your 'lonely weekend' post.

I understand that feeling of absolute abandonment. It hit me so hard because it was a life long experience for me. I had been 'abandoned' so many times by so many people.

And like you, the grief was overwhelming. I didn't think I would ever take another breath without feeling that pain. And it was paralyzing at times.

Thinking of you. Sitting quietly with you with understanding and support. Take your time. It's complicated. You DO have support here. Gentle hugs if accept. :hug:

 

[ChildofGod]

I sound so callous, I am so sorry. I am not trying to minimize your pain. My deepest apologies if I came across that way. I am sorry. That is a lot to digest.

 

[willhealeventually]

I sound so callous, I am so sorry. I am not trying to minimize your pain. My deepest apologies if I came across that way. I am sorry. That is a lot to digest.

I can understand why you said what you said - I didn’t really give enough context :) i can see that you are kind and caring - thank you again...

 

[ChildofGod]

You're welcome. No worries, I hope things improve for you soon. For me, too.

 

[willhealeventually]

The most helpful thing at this time is to focus on things that help you take care of yourself. Most of us with PTSD are shitty at that but honestly, it is the way out. Put together a self care routine that has you taking care of your physical needs (brushing teeth, showering, eating healthy foods, preparing those foods). Keep moving. Freezing and being unable to move is just a reminder that we need to focus on movement even if that means just moving fingers and toes.

I totally agree that this is so important. Self care is the first to go for me when I feel bad. I’ve been really trying that lately and they kept stressing it in my day therapy program. I’ve also been learming ways to self soothe with guided meditation when I can’t fall asleep or wake up from nightmares.

 

[shimmerz]

I am super happy to hear that hospital programs are advocating for wellness routines rather than focusing on illness. I wish I had been told a decade or so ago to look into the wellness model because I wasted a ton of time thinking about how f*cked up I was. Which meant a whole whack of having to retrain my brain to focus on what was GOOD about me. *heavy sigh* Self care is the antidote. Learn how to incorporate that and self soothing into your being and life improves immensely. All the best in your recovery.

 

[Vox]

Whenever I'm in a really bad state I keep telling myself that it won't last forever, I just have to soldier on through the tougher times.