When The Threat Is Still Real.

[iwillbeme]

I developed ptsd because of a man who held me captive and tried to murder me and hurt me repetitively. The worse part he did some of it infrount my my 8 year old daughter. I have worked harder then I thought possible and with the help of a wonderful therapist I can leave the house again be in the same room as a man, and am returning to work.

However, the man who did this to me had a great lawyer and the sympathy of the court because he is crazy. For all he did to me he got house arrest ( with out an ankle bracelet). To make matters worse he is a 7 min drive from where i live.

A few weeks ago he left the house again and through socia media contact me saying he had waited this long to contact me because he needed to get a 9mm and if I tried to call the cops he would shoot them too. I did call the cops and they did find him with out the gun. He was given 1 month in jail then he will be out.

I am so scared all the time. There is no ends to what he will do to hurt me. I can not move away from town although I have moved houses a few times. I dont know what to do. How can I heal when I can not ever feel safe again.

 

[scout86]

You have every right to be scared! The whole situation is outrageous. I have no idea what part of the country you live in, but I didn't think there was anywhere, these days, where people didn't realize that people like this individual are dangerous.

So, somehow, you need to get yourself as safe as you can. (Forgive me, I'm kind of a "problem solver" by nature. It's kind of the only way I know how to do things. I know it can be annoying and often it misses the real point.)

What is the attitude of the police? Are they taking the situation seriously? I hope so! It's a danger to them as well as you. If they are taking it seriously, you need to talk to them and work with them as best you can. A restraining order, if you don't already have one, seems like a good place to start.

Are there any victims advocacy groups in your area? It seems to me that the whole area you live in needs to be made more aware of the dangers people like your attacker/stalker pose. There's been a lot of national publicity over this kind of thing. Your area must have missed the boat somehow!

Honestly, my own reaction to this situation involves weapons and self defense training. Any chance that works for you? I know you shouldn't have to, but still.......

How can i heal when i cant ever feel safe again.

"Ever" is a long time. I'm hoping there will be ways to deal with this so it doesn't drag on for you much longer and you can get on with your life like you deserve to.

 

[Bookoffee]

Have you tried self defense classess? I know it is small but it may be a start to feeling safe again.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I am shocked he only got house arrest. You are very brave to have come so far. Is there a victims advocate through the police that can help you make a plan to be safe?

I am stalked by an abusive ex. I am always looking over my shoulder. It's a hard thing to carry. What I could do is make my house safe. I have a wireless alarm system with motion detectors. No one can move on any floor of my house without detection. I really feel safe at home. I have an alert dog that is a service dog and goes to work with me. I am saving money for a closed circuit tv in my office as I am often alone in the building. I go out late and he's parked in the lot. I just get in my car, pray it will start, and drive to the police station. They calm me down and if I'm really scared they'll accompany me home. I have not filed a restraining order against him because he told me he'll kill me if I do. The police try to protect me and they try to talk me into getting a restraining order. Too many times that makes things worse.

My house is for sale and I don't know where I will move to. I need a new normal. Wherever I am I will have wireless security system. My first system used the phone line and he cut them.

I have taken up getting reiki treatments to help my PTSD. I have a lifetime of rape, kidnapped, strangled, poisoned, I'm a wreck. I only feel truly safe at home but the house costs too much to heat so I have to downsize. Reiki has made it possible for me to sleep through the night but there's always that heart drop til you know your safe.

You're in my heart I am sending you peace and light. Can you carry a taser? I really want to use that on him. I don't want to get into the gun culture. Document everything he does by reporting it to the police. And do try to get a victims advocate.
Carry a weapon-mace, taser, even pepper spray. I sleep with a large knife under my pillow.

I know that in the states there is money available to help you with security. Don't forget to put in motion detectors. I have motion lights outside that have 100 watt bulbs in them. I wish my house would sell so I can get away from this part of town.

Ask for help and don't feel guilty about being scared. Godspeed you can PM me whenever you want.
Peace to you, KwanYingirl.

 

[iwillbeme]

I live in Canada. I have come aware that the justice system is broken. He needs to be in a mental hospital however is is criminally responsible for what he did so he lives with his parents and receives out patient care.

Although I called the police I was told he contacted me through facebook and there was no way to prove he actually sent the messages to me. They put him away for leaving his house and stealing alcohol. The judge wont even hear he threatened me.

I live in a small town. People do know whats going on. His parents hold a lot of weight as well though. He has a court order to stay away but it is only paper.

 

[iwillbeme]

I have a lady I work with through victim services she cannot believe after the attack he put me through the courts wont even listen after he broke the conditions of his original sentence. They just showed him he has a safe way to threaten me.

I just dont know how to get my safety back.

 

[scout86]

I was told he contacted me through facebook and there was no way to prove he actually sent the messages to me.

I'm not sure that what you were told is literally true. (I'm sure there are people here who know more about this than I do!) I THINK Facebook "knows" where the message came from. What computer it came from, I mean. And, if he was supposed to be under house arrest, his computer access should be limited. If it could be proven that the message came from his house, then, one would suppose, it was sent by someone IN that house..... I rather doubt his parents sent it. Around here, I believe they call that "making terroristic threats" and it's against the law.

Could be the police (small town & all) don't know enough about computers & Facebook to know much about this. At the very least, make sure YOU have a copy of the page, showing the message. It could be deleted down the road and you really should have an actual copy of it.

 

[scout86]

I just did a web search on "making terroristic threats using Facebook". You might want to try that and show the results to the police. There have been LOTS of people successfully prosecuted for doing that. The examples I read were all in the US and Canadian law may be different, but I only read 2 of the first results that came up.

 

[Friday]

Yeah. I hate this shit.

I wish you were alone, but at least down here on this side of the border the courts don't care about "domestic squabbles".

Never mind assault with intent, child abuse, diagnosed psychopathy. If you want to prove cyberstalking, you have to foot the bill yourself. My area is about 400k. Because any 12yo can clone a phone these days, and all you need to have full access to someone's computer is a Keylogger downloaded in any phishing type email, it too "big" of a problem for the police and too "small" of a problem for the Feds. So the only people who get prosecuted for it are people who hack companies with law firms on retainer.

So yours can threaten your life, and mine can send me news reports of a 10yo swept out to sea (4 deaths already this summer, it's a perfect "accident" spot to kill my son and not get arrested but sympathy, motherf*cking cocksucking psychopathic asshole that my ex is), right before my son tells me that's where his dad is taking him on vacation... And 10,000 other ways he threatens my child's life. And we're f*cking powerless to stop it.

In the DV kids support groups down here, it's not how to become strong and put your abusive past behind you... But how to try and keep your abuser happy. Because the courts are giving half custody to anyone who effing wants it.

HATE this shit. And people thing "there must be something you can do"... And it's round 207 of blame the victim... Instead of realizing how f*cked up the whole system is. No one wants to realize. It's too damn scary.

Upside. You're not alone. There are millions of us. And you're not crazy.
Upside. If you weren't married to this prick and have to split custody?
Run.
Move. Change your name. Move again. Change it again. Emigrate, and change it again.
Disappear off the effing planet.
Take your life back.

 

[desiderata310]

I moved 2000 miles away and went through hell to get a restraining order. No, it doesn't do much in reality. He could still come out here and hurt me but it is less likely to happen. I had to listen to him tell the court that I am crazy and making things up.
My therapist helped me through all of that. It made the difference. I wouldn't have gotten the restraining order had he not gone to court WITH me and testified on my behalf. He spoke straight to my abuser and accused him directly in court. Kinda sealed the deal for the court.

You are not crazy but it is maddening.
My restraining order INCLUDES any type of contact- including contacting me through a third party-except when trying to get a divorce an attorney can contact me on his behalf.
All of that includes emails and facebook messages- even if he didn't send them and instead had a "friend" send them.

PM me if you feel like. I just went through this recently.