When You Feel Yourself Dissociating

[BlackbirdSinging]

Today during therapy I could feel myself dissociating. At least I think that's what it was. My head felt really weird. Then my head felt really light and kind of like it was floating. I was staring off into nowhere. I felt like I couldn't look my therapist in the eye. I kept staring out the window or at the floor. Wherever I looked I was just staring. Not blinking.

When I tried to blink and look around I felt like I was being pulled. You know that feeling when you're falling asleep and you're aware of it? It kind of felt like that. My therapist would ask me questions to help ground me and I felt like I didn't want to speak to answer her. At one point she asked me "Blackbird are you here?" and I reached up and touched my hair and face not even looking at her and said "I don't know I don't think so".

Has anyone ever felt that before? Is that typical of dissociating?

 

[Pixielicious]

Today during therapy I could feel myself dissociating. At least I think that's what it was. My...

When I disassociate, it's kind of like 'an outer body experience'
I feel like a robot, numb, emotionless, can't focus, am watching myself from the 'outside' like I'm on some kind of 'auto pilot' mode...

 

[EveHarrington]

I think we experience dissociation in different ways, but from what you describe it sounds like you experienced a dissociative episode.

:hug:

 

[Abstract]

I certainly have had experiences very close to what you describe. And hundreds of other variations. Yes, I think that you dissociated. Its good when you start being more aware.

 

[Missycat]

Ive experienced exactly the same and when in therapy. My T will ask me questions and then work on grounding and deep breathing with me.
She has told me she can now recognise when this starts as i start to stare or transfix on one thing and dont respond or look at her, she will then try to re focus me and ground me. She gave me a cushion to hold and touch and squeeze and i do this which does sometimes help me stay present. She also has beads or other objects to hold and play with that can also help to focus.
Maybe speak to your T re anything you can do to help keep you present.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

It was pretty intense and it took me awhile to feel present again. When I got home I made some tea and wound up falling asleep. I've dissociated before it's just today it felt hard to fight my way back to the present. That feeling of being pulled. It felt easier to sit there silently and stare. It was confusing too. My therapist was carefully trying to challenge some of the distorted abusive things I'd been told in the past that have been affecting me for years.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Has anyone ever felt that before? Is that typical of dissociating?

Yes. Sounds like you you were experiencing a form of dissociation called 'derealization'.

When that happened to me in therapy, it meant I was emotionally overwhelmed and just needed some emotional distance.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

@BuckarooBanzai I was definitely overwhelmed too. I felt really confused. One of the things that still sticks with me was the feeling of being pulled. And it sounds weird but, it almost felt easier to sit there and just stare and be silent than to try to talk. It really took a lot of effort and I had to keep trying to not just keep staring. When I left and I was driving away I'd get to red lights and just stare. I kept having to remind myself to stay present and focused.

 

[Sideways]

My therapist was carefully trying to challenge some of the distorted abusive things I'd been told in the past that have been affecting me for years.

And the consequence was probably dissociation. Your brain saying "Too much, too confronting, too likely to cause me pain". It's clever that our brains can do that. Like reflex pulling our hand away from a hotplate, your brain wass pulling away from the painful conversation.

For me, working on the grounding, and being gentle with myself when this happens is really helpful. It does mean that the process of confronting and dealing with the really hard stuff, but it's my brain's way of letting me know that I need to slow down the pace I'm running back to a jog or a walk. Eventually, each time little bits get through, and despite continuing to dissociate at some point, you are still making progress.

Listen to your mind and your body in hard conversations like these. It can mean the difference between going home and having a complete meltdown because it was way too much, and going home and being okay because your mind told you to slow down and you did:)

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

And it sounds weird but, it almost felt easier to sit there and just stare and be silent than to try to talk. It really took a lot of effort and I had to keep trying to not just keep staring.

Actually, it doesn't sound weird at all. When overwhelmed like that, it's a lot easier and more comfortable to sit there in a dissociated state. You just gave yourself a time-out from the stress.