When You're The Boss

[Lessthanzero]

I am the boss. For the first time in my life, I am experiencing a very scary episode and am in a very dark place after a series of incidents that were somewhat public. So my team knows what happened to me as it was well-publicized. However, I need to take a leave of absence, and am lucky enough to have a tiny bit of money to do so, and told them this and have tried. But I am still working every day. When I'm gone, I see there's little getting done. I can't let this thing I built die.

I fear I may have demoralized my team. A big part of my trauma revolves around the kind of work I do and subsequently resulted in a massive loss of trust. When I entered this recent very bad place I'm in right now, which got me a PTSD diagnosis, I was having angry outbursts and a lot of trust problems and they were on the receiving end of it. I felt really bad afterwards.. just horrible. Sometimes I wouldn't remember doing it. Anyway, I have tried being frank with them: "these are symptoms of PTSD", "I'm having a crisis and I need time off." Yet they are still asking me to do things. I feel like I'm either going to lose my business or never deal with this PTSD. I'm not in a state where I want to let people go and hire new people. I am finding it difficult to write emails. I'm non-functional. I'm about to start EMDR. I don't know how many more memos or letters I can send them, because nothing is getting through.

 

[Changing4Best]

Maybe your therapist can write them some kind of memo about what is happening to you? When it comes from an official medical professional, maybe it will get through to them? (ie a "doctor's note").