I've had post-trauma my entire 58 years, but this past 2 years it has gotten out of control and developed into full-on PTSD. Who should I tell this to? I mean...is it healthy to tell people you're dealing with it so that they better understand you? Is there any theraputic benefit to it...like when you tell people openly that you were a victim of child sexual abuse? Or...is it something to keep private?
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Who Do You Tell That You Have Ptsd?
- Post starter Bosco2153
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Trust is a big issue for me so I only have told my family (because they wondered wth was wrong with me) and a few close friends. I have regretted telling even some of those friends because they tended to make me feel worse about it. Most people just don't understand so I say keep it private to most but if you feel you need to tell someone close to you, then it may be good for you.
Lionheart
Not Active
There are people I regret telling because they either didn't understand or they had a negative reaction because of their own issues. A lot of people do not have a file in their brain to help them separate what is sexual from what is sexually abusive and they respond less than kindly to bringing up what is either a painful or touchy personal subject for them.
I think talking with other survivors of trauma and/or sexual abuse, a trusted therapist, or family member(s) is generally a healthy thing to do, but even they can have negative reactions, so I would suggest bracing yourself for rejection just in case.
As Missd84 said, trust is a big issue and it is difficult to know how people are going to react. I have had people tell me to never mention it to them again, tell me to get over it, suggest that it wasn't that bad etc. etc. and I have had those who understood or wanted to understand so that they could be supportive of me.
The sister site to this forum is the SSA forum and there you can communicate with others who were also sexually abused. Regardless of who decide to tell, I thank you for trusting us enough to share and wish you the best!
J
just me here
I had a horrible experience with sharing health information.
When I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C I fealt I should share the diagnosis with my employer, due to the type of work I was doing and because I planned to take the treatment and would be missing some work due to it.
Our HR department was headed up by a man that was on the board of directors of our local hospital, and he called them to get information about the disease (ease of transfer, prognosis, precautions etc.). He was referred to an ER doctor. He fealt compelled to share the fact that he had been asked very specific questions about hep C at my workplace with an ER nurse whos husband was my coworker and good friend.
She went home and warned her husband to be careful about blood spill if he encountered it, especially in the department I work in. He came to work the next day and shared his wifes warnings with me.
Within 24 hours of telling the first people in total confidence that they would not broadcast the information, I had a friend telling me that there was Hep C in my department.
I was never named, but it was a lesson learned and I never told anyone else outside my family after that. Even that was a mistake, within 6 months I was getting calls from cousins and other distant relatives that really had no reason to know.
Hep C is transferred in many ways, but the 2 that most people think are the only way to get it ( anal sex and needle sharing) are the only 2 common ways I can totally rule out. The first people ever diagnosed with it were war heroes that received blood transfusions with tainted blood. Until 1983 there was no way to screen for it in donated blood and that is a very likely source for my contact with the virus, that or my work as an EMT for ten years. I had to explain that to so many people I was thinking of printing a form letter and did create an email draft letter.
Similarly, most people think that PTSD is the result of either combat or rape/sexual abuse. If you were in the military, they will assume that was the source, if not, they will think you were raped or abused. Do you want to have to explain that event to everyone that asks about it? would you be comfortable explaining your chilhood abuse to people that really don't need to know about it? Would telling the story trigger you every time you had to recall it?
I havent told anyone but family and close friends about my PTSD, and I probably wouldn't have told anyone if it was a result of things I didn't feel comfortable talking about. I can easily just say "I lost a parent at 11" or "I saw alot while doing my EMT work", or "I was nearly killed by a drunk driver" (all true). I don't know if it would be as easy to share even general info about abuse or rape.
I would recommend keeping it to yourself, telling only people that need to know or are legally bound to keep your secret. And even then, prepare yourself for how fast the news spreads, and for explaining the reason you have been diagnosed.
Welcome, Deedlerock. This is a great place to ask questions like that, someone here has been through it if it is a part of being diagnosed with PTSD. I am so glad I found this place, so many helpful people here.
When I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C I fealt I should share the diagnosis with my employer, due to the type of work I was doing and because I planned to take the treatment and would be missing some work due to it.
Our HR department was headed up by a man that was on the board of directors of our local hospital, and he called them to get information about the disease (ease of transfer, prognosis, precautions etc.). He was referred to an ER doctor. He fealt compelled to share the fact that he had been asked very specific questions about hep C at my workplace with an ER nurse whos husband was my coworker and good friend.
She went home and warned her husband to be careful about blood spill if he encountered it, especially in the department I work in. He came to work the next day and shared his wifes warnings with me.
Within 24 hours of telling the first people in total confidence that they would not broadcast the information, I had a friend telling me that there was Hep C in my department.
I was never named, but it was a lesson learned and I never told anyone else outside my family after that. Even that was a mistake, within 6 months I was getting calls from cousins and other distant relatives that really had no reason to know.
Hep C is transferred in many ways, but the 2 that most people think are the only way to get it ( anal sex and needle sharing) are the only 2 common ways I can totally rule out. The first people ever diagnosed with it were war heroes that received blood transfusions with tainted blood. Until 1983 there was no way to screen for it in donated blood and that is a very likely source for my contact with the virus, that or my work as an EMT for ten years. I had to explain that to so many people I was thinking of printing a form letter and did create an email draft letter.
Similarly, most people think that PTSD is the result of either combat or rape/sexual abuse. If you were in the military, they will assume that was the source, if not, they will think you were raped or abused. Do you want to have to explain that event to everyone that asks about it? would you be comfortable explaining your chilhood abuse to people that really don't need to know about it? Would telling the story trigger you every time you had to recall it?
I havent told anyone but family and close friends about my PTSD, and I probably wouldn't have told anyone if it was a result of things I didn't feel comfortable talking about. I can easily just say "I lost a parent at 11" or "I saw alot while doing my EMT work", or "I was nearly killed by a drunk driver" (all true). I don't know if it would be as easy to share even general info about abuse or rape.
I would recommend keeping it to yourself, telling only people that need to know or are legally bound to keep your secret. And even then, prepare yourself for how fast the news spreads, and for explaining the reason you have been diagnosed.
Welcome, Deedlerock. This is a great place to ask questions like that, someone here has been through it if it is a part of being diagnosed with PTSD. I am so glad I found this place, so many helpful people here.
- Post starter
- #5
The first T I ever had (by far the lousiest) insisted that I tell my spouse even though our marriage was seriously troubled. Thankfully I hadn't really told her anything--just one sentence. I took her advice and told my narcissistic, porn-addicted, idiot of a spouse (again thankfully next to nothing). His response was to smile real big and say......"I always KNEW all of our problems were all your fault!!"--you were messed up all along, 'damaged goods' and you KEPT it from me so you are deceitful too!!---YOU are the reason I am an addict and have all of these problems!" He felt vindicated!
From that moment on my PTSD symptoms spiraled out of control. He blamed me for every problem we ever had, he ever had and for any and all problems of our teenage sons. I had to go to therapy (with a different T!) and he would taunt me about it, call me crazy and every single day for years he would give me the running total of how much of "his" money I had spent on therapy. In front of me and my children (and behind my back) he would tell anyone and everyone what a great guy he was for putting up with my mental problems and how much he had sacrificed because he was such a great guy--oh, and of course he would always have to share the exact amount that he had spent thus far.
My current T, who is very good, has made it a point to tell me many times how abusive his behavior was (at first I didn't see it as abusive--I still sometimes don't and I felt like I deserved it). She says how much more trauma suffering HE cost ME. I have been humiliated and re-traumatized by telling him basically nothing. I am not sure if I will ever trust anyone enough to tell them the whole story. I have been seeing this T for almost 3 years and she knows about half of everything. My symptoms just keep getting worse and I think she realizes that she doesn't have it all.
Like the others, I advocate only telling other survivors (if you trust them and choose to share) and a good T or your doctor.
From that moment on my PTSD symptoms spiraled out of control. He blamed me for every problem we ever had, he ever had and for any and all problems of our teenage sons. I had to go to therapy (with a different T!) and he would taunt me about it, call me crazy and every single day for years he would give me the running total of how much of "his" money I had spent on therapy. In front of me and my children (and behind my back) he would tell anyone and everyone what a great guy he was for putting up with my mental problems and how much he had sacrificed because he was such a great guy--oh, and of course he would always have to share the exact amount that he had spent thus far.
My current T, who is very good, has made it a point to tell me many times how abusive his behavior was (at first I didn't see it as abusive--I still sometimes don't and I felt like I deserved it). She says how much more trauma suffering HE cost ME. I have been humiliated and re-traumatized by telling him basically nothing. I am not sure if I will ever trust anyone enough to tell them the whole story. I have been seeing this T for almost 3 years and she knows about half of everything. My symptoms just keep getting worse and I think she realizes that she doesn't have it all.
Like the others, I advocate only telling other survivors (if you trust them and choose to share) and a good T or your doctor.
Martin Taylor
Silver Member
"Who should I tell this to? "
I tell my wife and my children, in varying amounts of detail as they need. I definitely tell my siblings because they grew up in the same mess I did and may have the same problems. I tell no one at work. And I talk to all of you on this web site. No sexual abuse her, but other things. Anyone who says it is mind over emotions doesn't get it and no longer gets my trust. And, yes, I talk to myself a little too much.
I tell my wife and my children, in varying amounts of detail as they need. I definitely tell my siblings because they grew up in the same mess I did and may have the same problems. I tell no one at work. And I talk to all of you on this web site. No sexual abuse her, but other things. Anyone who says it is mind over emotions doesn't get it and no longer gets my trust. And, yes, I talk to myself a little too much.
S
shell
I have only told my brother, about a month ago, he also has it.- I asked him not to tell my parents, even though they are responsible for most of it. In my distorted thinking, I almost think that would give them satisfaction, so I don't want them to know, they have no rights to the private parts of my life. I haven't even told my husband, when I first started having problems last year, he told me to stop dwelling on the past and move on. He has already told me he doesn't want to discuss what happened to me in the past.
Since being told I have PTSD I decided that there are some things he doesn't need to know, he just thinks I have depression, and I'm moody, irrational and stressed out. I think I was so naive that I thought this was just going to go away in a few months, but in the last few months I have come to accept that that really isn't the case. I haven't told anyone else that I was abused or raped as a child, after a life time of secrets I'm not about to change now.
Since being told I have PTSD I decided that there are some things he doesn't need to know, he just thinks I have depression, and I'm moody, irrational and stressed out. I think I was so naive that I thought this was just going to go away in a few months, but in the last few months I have come to accept that that really isn't the case. I haven't told anyone else that I was abused or raped as a child, after a life time of secrets I'm not about to change now.
- Post starter
- #10
D
Deleted member 487
Trust is a huge issue. How much do you trust others and how far do you trust them?
Who should know that you have PTSD? Honestly? Fewer the better. Too many people are too ignorant on what PTSD is, with exception for their graduate school-quality education via Hollywood (chuckle). They see Hollywood and these people that lash out murdering people because of their PTSD. And they think it always happens with PTSD victims. Whatever. So much for an education. Hmmph.
No one needs to know, except for your spouse & your doctor. Again, only IMO.
Only of this is, again, in my opinion only.
Who should know that you have PTSD? Honestly? Fewer the better. Too many people are too ignorant on what PTSD is, with exception for their graduate school-quality education via Hollywood (chuckle). They see Hollywood and these people that lash out murdering people because of their PTSD. And they think it always happens with PTSD victims. Whatever. So much for an education. Hmmph.
No one needs to know, except for your spouse & your doctor. Again, only IMO.
From my experience, I found the best way to ask for information is NOT calling the local hospital. They don't understand what privacy is until you hold a patient status. Center for Disease Control or the Mayo Clinic are the ideal sources. If anyone asks and they have no right to know, tell them the truth as YOU know it- you're considering taking an EMT course and want to know the ins and outs of the contagions you might encounter. That is it. Then I'd call the people you asked and give them a heads up on your "true intent" and their disregard for your trust in them as professionals and as a reliable source.
Only of this is, again, in my opinion only.
LeavingItBehind
New Here
IMHO,
Best not to tell anyone, except maybe a therapist... even then, some won't believe you & blame you for it... even if it is from sexual assault by a family member. Others in a dysfunctional family are likely to use it against you when they are going through their own crap... e.g. - If you'd just left, died, etc. maybe dear ole' dad wouldn't have done this to an of us... If you weren't such in such way as a kid, then he wouldn't have abused any of us...
If the perp is a family member, NOT a good idea to tell any family members, as people take sides in dysfunctional families... Many doctors don't get it either & any other health problems they tend to throw everything at the psychological crap... One doctor darn near killed me because he thought that, as he disregarded what was really going on & belonging to an HMO didn't help... I *should* have be seeing a specialist & he refused to send me to anyone but a therapist & give me meds he had NO idea how to manage for a physical problem he had ignored.
I think best to deal with close friends & if you are going to share with ANY doctor, be sure you have an idea of what their background is & get to really know him or her BEFORE you share.
If you have some close friends, then I'd start there. If you have damage that can be observed, then even if you don't tell, then if a doc does a pelvic or rectal exam, they'll see it. Messed up, so choose your doctor(s) carefully!
Also realize that if there is ANY legal mess going on, including divorce or other mess, ANY records can be subpoenaed (or manipulated or hacked out of just about ANY medical system), so all this federal HIPAA act stuff doesn't apply if someone really wants to get into your records, they can. Not supposed to really be that way, but even therapists' offices often will talk if someone says they are from an attorney's or other official office, including any social workers, which can lead to further victimization.
I'd stick to a few really good friends to avoid further victimization.
Best not to tell anyone, except maybe a therapist... even then, some won't believe you & blame you for it... even if it is from sexual assault by a family member. Others in a dysfunctional family are likely to use it against you when they are going through their own crap... e.g. - If you'd just left, died, etc. maybe dear ole' dad wouldn't have done this to an of us... If you weren't such in such way as a kid, then he wouldn't have abused any of us...
If the perp is a family member, NOT a good idea to tell any family members, as people take sides in dysfunctional families... Many doctors don't get it either & any other health problems they tend to throw everything at the psychological crap... One doctor darn near killed me because he thought that, as he disregarded what was really going on & belonging to an HMO didn't help... I *should* have be seeing a specialist & he refused to send me to anyone but a therapist & give me meds he had NO idea how to manage for a physical problem he had ignored.
I think best to deal with close friends & if you are going to share with ANY doctor, be sure you have an idea of what their background is & get to really know him or her BEFORE you share.
If you have some close friends, then I'd start there. If you have damage that can be observed, then even if you don't tell, then if a doc does a pelvic or rectal exam, they'll see it. Messed up, so choose your doctor(s) carefully!
Also realize that if there is ANY legal mess going on, including divorce or other mess, ANY records can be subpoenaed (or manipulated or hacked out of just about ANY medical system), so all this federal HIPAA act stuff doesn't apply if someone really wants to get into your records, they can. Not supposed to really be that way, but even therapists' offices often will talk if someone says they are from an attorney's or other official office, including any social workers, which can lead to further victimization.
I'd stick to a few really good friends to avoid further victimization.
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