Who Do You Tell That You Have Ptsd?

[Emilie]

I've come to learn on a personal level that I can't be afraid of who I am anymore, and those who do not like it and cannot handle it are not worth investing time into. It keeps me from having a lot of close relationships

My best friends a few years ago got inquisitive with me after I got home from a hospital and I was put on Prozac. I was with them all day every day, so I really couldn't get anything past them. I trusted them, and told them that I had PTSD. They didn't ask much else. My BFF asked me a week or so later what caused it, and I opened up about my trauma to her. Immediately following that they all cut me off entirely. I hurt me so badly, that I had confided my deepest darkest and lost my friends. Word of mouth got out fast and my whole town shut me out. I was a victim of Incest, so it was taboo and looked at with a lot of skepticism, especially because everyone knew my older brother and was curious as to why he had disappeared from my family. Anytime someone would I ask I'd have to come up with a new lie about how he went to jail. I haven't had a BFF since, and not even a single acquaintance. The one person who accepted me, my husband, has been the only helpful person in my life thus far, and the only person who hasn't ditched me because of my baggage.


At this point in my life though, I've grown callouses on my heart and I've got nothing else to lose by exposing myself to let try to let go of my trauma. I don't care if the whole world knows what happened. It happened. I had zero control over the situation. Get over it. I can't f*cking change that. I can only change what is here and now.

But for your sake, and anybody else here,
If certain things can be kept contained, I would try to keep it that way to avoid a lot of hell. It hurt me for a very long time. It did make me stronger as a person, but I probably didn't need all that hurt to move forward in life. Don't jeopardize your mental health; many people are ignorant about PTSD and can be harmful to your current status. If a relationship starts to get serious, that's an exception I would definitely make. If your partner doesn't know about PTSD it's going to be realllllly hard for you and him to adjust.

 

[Bosco2153]

Emilie thanks so much for your openness and advice...and what a gem of a husband you have. Mine is a keeper too! :tup:

 

[Tinyflame]

I wouldn't tell anyone, personally.

 

[Emma Zoe]

I told no one. That's why I'm here. :-)
That said, I haven't been officially diagnosed, only by a hypnotherapist. She deals with a lot of PTSD sufferers, mostly soldiers though, and I'm not that. :p
I went to her because who I went to see because my issues were becoming hard to manage, and I knew her already, and because she also gives dieting advice I told my partner I went to see her for that. Of course my partner knows I have (had) mental health issues, but I never told him everything. I don't want to tell my doctor either; I don't want it to be on my record and become a problem if I ever need employment (I'm self employed atm).

 

[Mercy]

For me it isn't the stigma so much as just what people understand. People understand anxiety disorder...PTSD they think of what has been shown on TV with vets. It shares a lot about my history and opens that door for them to ask or wonder what the "trauma" was. PTSD is still an anxiety disorder so it is absolutely honest.

Great response! Thank you. It is a short sentence that doesn't invite loads of questions. It keeps the tone light enough so I and others won't trigger ourselves. Thanks!!!!

I had the misguided habit of testing new potential friends with some of my story. The test was to see if they would still want to be friends knowing I was broken. I wanted to be honest with them. It was very poor choice on my part.

People in general were sympathetic but put off. It took a friend to tell me what the effects of telling were on other people. Since then I am much more careful. I still don't have good boundaries. Asked a direct question I will always tell the truth as far as I know it. This pattern of brainwashing was carefully, intentionally and forcefully ingrained by my abusers. I lose track of myself and answer without being able to skirt the question or think up an alternate story. That makes me sad. Part of my will is still missing or never formed.

 

[Kb3]

Unfortunately people can be spiteful, small and even stupid when learning about traumatic events. Most people are optimists and their first instinct upon hearing about very traumatic events can be to deny them or minimize them. It helps THEM feel safe. It's the same with blaming the victim, or just just shutting down and not allowing the traumatized person to tell their story because they can't handle the emotions that come up for them. This happens with professionals as well as regular people.

I have found that the best, most nonjudgemental listeners are other people who have been traumatized and have come to a level of acceptance with what happened to them. Once you have experienced the worst that humanity can offer up and realized that you have survived it, it is possible to believe and empathize with others who have had experiences on a similar level. There's no wall of resistance, just a desire to help another human being get through their suffering. This is a beautiful thing, and certainly one of the gifts of PTSD.

 

[Tiger Kitten]

I pretty much tell anyone that comes into contact with me for any length of time. If they ask how I got it... I just say I grew up. Then I generally start in on a lecture of what PTSD is like to deal with. If I lose them as a friend or acquaintance, I feel it is their problem. At least they will have learned a little bit about PTSD in the process. I also let them know that if they have questions about it I would be glad to answer them.

I don't just go up and announce it to them. It usually happens after I freak out and they notice it. I guess my eyes are very expressive, and I go all "big eyed" and it's rather noticeable.

I've been diagnosed since 1993 or so now I think. I pretty much live in a time warp so knowing exactly when it was is pretty much guess work. I hid it for a long time. I'm sick and tired of hiding. If a person cannot accept me for who I am (damage and all) they do not need to be in my life. Anyone who sees me duck under things when it thunders or there is a loud noise figures something is wrong with me anyway. I may as well just explain it to them. I figure if it teaches them a little bit about PTSD and makes it easier for another person to survive this crap by spreading knowledge it's worth whatever reaction I get. It does hurt sometimes that people think I'm totally insane or something, but I really don't need that type of person in my life anyway.

Tiger

 

[jeeps for now]

For me it isn't the stigma so much as just what people understand. People understand anxiety disorder...PTSD they think of what has been shown on TV with vets. It shares a lot about my history and opens that door for them to ask or wonder what the "trauma" was. PTSD is still an anxiety disorder so it is absolutely honest.

It's funny, but noone ever asks 'what did you get your cancer from?" Who understands cancer? I don't think the cause of PTSD is nearly as important, as is the phenomina of other people's misunderstanding rekindling it. I agree, we should just be able to say we have PTSD.

 

[OKRADLAK]

This is so hard for me. Recently I struggled with this. I did tell, and the predators came to the top and it did not good to those who didn't care anyway. Those who did care, never mention it again, so I am back in my isolation.

It just got to be a huge struggle. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't!!

The pressure was intense. When I first got this job, it's low key part time, etc. So at first it was a fresh start. New people etc.....I made lots of friends by being a friend. But the PTSD burden go too high.

I started to walk out of meetings, or I would say I would eat with a friend and then could not. I began that same pattern of leaving group settings, not being able to follow through with minor commitments ( I keep big ones!), and the like.

I felt I had to tell because it was getting to be too much!!! They wonder why I do those things. Am I mad at them etc?

So I did tell a few here and there..........and boom...it all derailed. A guy began to prey on it, see a need, etc......Other relationships fell apart because he was so aggressive the other people began to see I was not stable.

So now I am back to having no friends at work, I come in late and leave early, I eat in my car again..........and no one asks why now. Now I am alone, shamed, and embarassed and no one cares. It's OK that they do not care. I do not need them to care, but I would rather have had them not care without knowing than not care and know!!! :(

When my time at this job is over (it's just a short summer gig), I am out. Not re-upping.

Next time, I am not telling anyone. WHen I get stressed and they start to think I am weird, I will come on here and ask for advise. Not telling anyone else.

 

[missd84]

I am so sorry that that happened to you OKRADLAK! I can definitely understand your frustration with telling people and then they don't care. Many of my so-called friends are this way. I had a friend at my old workplace that at first was very understanding, then she threw all my symptoms in my face. She even made the comment that I was choosing to behave a certain way, as if I can control my PTSD, 100% of the time. After that, it was never the same and I just preferred to never actually have a deep conversation with her. We are no longer friends. Some of my other friends haven't thrown things in my face but when I say I need them, they aren't there. I really believe that the best people who understand are those who live with PTSD everyday.

 

[OKRADLAK]

........ at first was very understanding, then she threw all my symptoms in my face. She even made the comment that I was choosing to behave a certain way, as if I can control my PTSD, 100% of the time....

That is completely UNACCEPTABLE! Grrrr. that makes me so angry. I agree, if they do not have PTSD they do not understand. How can they? The very thing that causes PTSD is that it is beyond the scope of normal. The untraumatized brain cannot comprehend. It's a safety measure. Before I had PTSD I felt sure nothing would mess with my faith. Boy was I wrong. It was so much worse than anything I could imagine.

 

[Complicated]

Okradlak and miss84, I am really sorry to hear that you are or have had to through this. I am in exactly the same position. Some people used it against me, some people just walked away and ignored me, one stayed around and pretended to understand and then threw it back in my face when I was least expecting it. It really hurts becuase then you have to deal with that on top of all the other daily stress you have to endure.

Sending you both hugs!