Dom Violence Why am i so terrified to leave?

[SameBoat]

So my dad called and offered me a job to go work for him for 6 months (atleast) I’m really tempted to accept but it’s scary.. also he works overseas in the Middle East as a contractor so that would be a HUGE move. But also it would get me far away from this situation.. far far away.
I haven’t told my dad all that has gone on but I think he has an idea. Its kind of overwhelming to think about but also I feel this tiny glimmer of hope. The three days we had without him here were so nice and peaceful

 

[Gs172003]

So my dad called and offered me a job to go work for him for 6 months (atleast) I’m really tempted t...

Go! If for nothing else to get your head on straight.

 

[blackemerald1]

@SameBoat - you know what...I'd put that stuff into storage if it's worth it and email your father and take the next flight out of there and never look back. Once you are on the ground and safe I'd call the mother of this young boy and describe the home environment that you left him behind in.

I do not think you should try to remove the child physically before you leave:-
1) You are not the legal guardian/parent and you may face some sort of legal sanction for taking him;
a) against his will (even though he is still a child) regardless of your fears for this child's safety and,

b) The mother needs to be aware of any potential for push-back by the child bc he may be as hopelessly wound up in the emotional push/pull of an abusive parent as you are as a partner and,

c) If this woman harbours any anger/resentment against you for any reason and your sole aim is the child's safety she needs to know you have left this abusive man so she can say to a lawyer/court/whomever it is no longer acceptable that he have sole care of this young boy. She has to figure this out. It might well be that you are the only reason she is allowing him to stay in the house with his father. Idk.

Also if the young boy see's that you have gone and all the comfort's you provide are no longer available he might be much faster in exiting the house and relationship with his father than if you remained.

Ultimately you are powerless over the child's involvement with his father bc you have no legal rights regarding the child? Idk. Morally, you can tell his mother and anyone else that has some authority over this child what is actually going on in this home and that you have left.

That course of action blows the abuse situation open wide and you will be safely away from the abuser in the Middle East. And he will not follow you there - would he?

I would be calling my father and moving quickly and quietly. What do you think?:hug::)

 

[EveHarrington]

Go for it!

 

[ILoveLife]

Yes, great plan!

 

[Boo Izzy]

Hi everyone,

I've been following this forum for a while and finally decided to make an account so I...

You are so afraid to leave him because he probably tells you that you can’t make on your own. Also because you haven’t known anything else for years. Be strong and remember that you are stronger than you think. Find an agency that will help you and protect you

 

[LuckiLee]

The Middle East? You may want to put some thought into this. It's not a very safe place and I'd hate for you to suffer more trauma.

 

[shimmerz]

It's not a very safe place and I'd hate for you to suffer more trauma.

Agreed. Depends on the kind of relationship you have with your father as well. Plus, you have been through a lot. There isn't some place that you have support that is closer to home?

I feel like the less stress you put on yourself right now the better. Having a counselor would be an excellent idea as well to help you through the transition.

 

[littleoc]

What country in the Middle East? (If you don't mind us asking... Some are safe enough, unless you had to live in a bad neighborhood or something)

I would be concerned about moving too far away, just because I'd be afraid of getting trapped and not knowing how to get out. But I understand where it could be a good option as well...

 

[SameBoat]

It’s in Oman, so a pretty peaceful country I visited there in 2009 right when I first met my guy and it’s nice enough. I have lived abroad for a lot of my childhood since I come from a military family and my dad is an amazing supportive man (who would probably send navy seals to dispatch my dude if he knew the whole truth.. and that only half a joke ;) but you guys are right it’s very very far and not exactly where I want to be long term.. I’m still mulling it over, he is on business for the next week and said we’d talk more details when he gets back.
Meanwhile today was a halfway decent day that still ended up in fighting, not physical but basically him going on and on about how my new job is taking time from helping him with his job
Anyways. I try so hard to keep the fog clear and not get sucked in but in the moment it’s sooo hard! I end up trying to explain unexplainable things to a full grown adult.. like how to have a normal conversation. Then later kick myself for allowing myself to get drawn in to the back and forth.
Gotta fake sleep now, don’t wanna get another monologue

 

[littleoc]

It’s in Oman, so a pretty peaceful country I visited there in 2009 right when I first met my guy and it’s nice enough.

I've never been to Oman, but I've hoped to go for a while... mainly to see wild frankensence :P or an Arabian jaguar... but anyway. That's definitely beside the point right now.

if you are comfortable with going that far? I think you could really feel safe, somewhere else in the world. It'd certainly make you hard to track.

If you aren't? Then that's okay too -- there are still ways to get out of this situation otherwise.

Wishing you luck and good rest

 

[SameBoat]

Hey guys

So I left/ was told to leave (then asked why I was leaving)
I slept in my car last night super close to the house and now I’m at Denny’s waiting for my friend and her husband to come jumpstart my car
I sort of have a plan, go to my brothers then go to my dads, I have no money right now but I could get some by Monday. I’m going to my friends, the one who is coming, today is her baby shower so we were supposed to spend it together any way she’s pretty much my only friend here that’s not connected to him and I recently told her what’s been going on.. yesterday I went with her to the women’s shelter ywca here in town to drop off some clothes from a garage sale.. and it was so beautiful inside and a really nice building outside and i think it made an impression on me that people do care? I don’t know.. also he did his whole tirade in front of both the kids (first time we had the little one back since he went to his moms ) and something in me just snapped I can’t be with someone who talks to me like that in front of the kids. Kind of sad that after everything he’s done to me i still didn’t really do it for me but whatever it takes I guess? I love those kids more than anything and anyone but I saw yesterday that me being there was hurting more than helping.

Anyways not sure what I wanted from this.. advice on what I should do maybe haha
I’m carrying my gun loaded, I usually don’t keep one in the chamber but it makes me feel better.. I don’t think he’ll do anything but you never know. I’ve always felt like he’s part of that 1-5% exception they talk about where they say normally such and such isn’t the case but in a few very disturbed individuals it has been known to happen.

I’m sad to leave my new job. I absolutely love it and it makes me happy every time I’m there and I’m really good at it! But it has caused a lot of tension and jealousy so I’ve always known it wouldn’t last.
Also some good news, I got 2nd place in my competition