Why Are People So Hard To Understand?

[LongStoryShort]

HI! I have some good news, I passed all my exams.After this semester of highs and lows. I'm happy, but still find people too tricky to deal with. It makes me sad. I know I'm not liked, and wish I was. Convetsations fall short, I run out of stuff to say or people just don't respond very well to what I do say. Makes me wonder why. And I don't know how to fix it. I feel it is easier not dealing with people, but then...when I see them with their friends I can't help but feel like I am missing out on something great. I feel sad but I know if I get too close I'll end up feeling more depressed for things people say or do. .. taking it personally etc.
:-( just kind of a sigh.
Lss

 

[Alic3]

Sounds like I wrote that.

Sometimes someone will ask me something, like at work, so I'll answer, and they'll just give me response like 'okay..' like shut up already and they'll start walking away while I'm still talking, answering their question or explaining something to them.

I have a pleasant tone and I'm not rude or anything. I think maybe I just talk too fast for them and it makes them think I'm weird? I don't know, but it's hurtful.

 

[LongStoryShort]

I'm sorry to hear that Alic3 :-( But also it is comforting to hear there are other people who know what I'm talking about. Cause me too I try to be polite and diplomatic helpful etc... But still I'm just the odd one out.

I am sorry to whine about this again. And I want to thank the people here again who helped me previously cause it was really helpful just to be able to chat.

 

[quic]

I know I'm not liked,

This idea can only be perpetuated by one person, YOU. An idea like that can never be true and absolute. There are billions of people on this planet, it is not possible for all of them to dislike one person, except perhaps my 7th grade english teacher, nobody liked her.

People do not typically dislike other people. We tend to dislike how we feel inside when we are around that person, we dislike how that person makes us feel. If people seem like they don't like you, you can only assume they feel uncomfortable when they are around you.

What you are experiencing is people being pushed away by the ideas you carry with you all the time, they dont actually dislike you. You believe they dislike you, and they can sense that. Nothing pushes people away more than lack of self-esteem, and self-loathing. You have to like yourself first, then others will see that and respond positively to a positive idea.

People can also sense if you like them, versus need them to like you. The two attitudes come across differently. When you genuinely like someone in a non-needy fashion, it will attract someone. If the primary feeling you carry is one of neediness it will push people away. Try to like people without needing them to like you. It is kind of like giving without expecting anything in return

There will always be people out there who wont like you, and that is OK. Keep in mind, billions of others do like you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

How do you know you're not liked? I often think the same but then when the PTSD fog lifts a bit I realize it's not the truth.

Conversation is an art form to say the least! I HATE talking about myself so I'm getting good at turning the conversation around and asking about the other person. If I am asked something personal I just give a generic reply.

My advice is to just practice! It can be something as small as just saying hi to people you cross paths with. This can actually change how approachable you appear to others. I get chatty with check out clerks and such. It's a way to work on being social, and if they think I'm weird, then so what? They don't know me and chances are I'll never see them again.

I think CBT skills may help you with taking things too personally.

 

[JadedGhost13]

I have always had a hard time communicating with humans as my result I became very closed in. For years I would cry, and get depressed because no one liked me or understood me. I still struggle with closing myself in and just being alone. I am in one of these ruts currently. Several years ago I adopted a pet and he became my entire world because it felt like he was the only one who could understand me and tolerate me. He loved me unconditionally, and was my constant companion. He helped me communicate with humans in a positive way.a few months ago he became very ill and he passed away and ever since then I have reverted to my old ways of being reclusive because I fear failed contact with humans.

I hope that you find a way to breach the line to positive contact with others as I have in the past.i really understand how you feel, you are not alone and I suspect that many of us who suffer have the same social issues. Before the internet, before places like this I thought I was so alone, like I was the only one in the world who who was dealing with this issue and that issue, thank goodness there is now such a place to come to so that we know that what we are experiencing is a common feeling among those who suffer as we do. Keep your chin up, and I will be thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way.

 

[Alic3]

@JadedGhost13 , I'm so sorry to hear your pet. My pets are the same way for me, and for the longest time, they were the ONLY thing keeping me alive. I can't bear the thought of no one taking care of them.

 

[LongStoryShort]

Jaded ghost, I'm so sorry you lost your pet:-(

I too struggle with communication. But I find writing an easier way to communicate, which is why I send genrrally a lot of text messages and e mails, which I have noticed people do not like and it often leads to misunderstandings, unfortunately.

Idon't think I have a selfish motive I never pretend to like people ever. I genuinely like a lot of people even if they occasionally get on my nerves. But I'll confess people do easily annoy me in a way or another :-/ I know I can only change myself but it's like: if I befriend a person then one of us or both will end up hurt (I mean not physically) because although I wish them all the happiness in the world I know it will end up badly unless the friend has" thick skin" and can take me with a pinch of salt at times. Awful isn't it. I have one friend I have had for years, understandably she takes me in small doses. But even if I am not always a perfect friend she has still remaind a friend. I have her and am grateful, she knows my full story though and has a lot of patience.but we don't talk a lot anymore...

It is the general social setting. I struggle with like what do I say ... am I just going to ruin this again...

 

[JadedGhost13]

I used to write, not so much anymore as I cannot keep with much of anything long enough to complete it. I am not sure if it is the ADD or the meds I take for PTSD, PTSD itself, or a combo of the list. I also have physical limitations as well that prevents me from being able to write either physically or digitally these days. I do wish I were able to write again however. It really does help to get it out there. I always felt a positive release when I wrote. A dear sweet friend of mine has Bi-Polar disorder and she writes and draws,sometimes for days on end. A lot of her work is really creative. She swears by using writing and drawing to help her.

I miss my pet so much! He was a dog who did not know he was a dog. His spirit is still on the farm though and I have affirmation of this as my nephew told me there was a dog on my bed with me. My nephew is a very special little guy with brain damage so he does not know to make things like that up. I am giving myself time to grieve the loss of my best friend then I have plans to once again try a pet pal. (Actually a couple) My husband and I have always talked of adopting some exotics, a couple of weeks ago he talked to me about this prospect again and I actually got excited about it. Having something to plan on and look forward to also helps a lot. The responsibility of a dependent pet for me helps a lot in keeping me moving and motivated to get out of the bed.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

HI! I have some good news, I passed all my exams.

Allright!! High five :tup:

As for the rest of your post. For me this is a double -edged sword. On the one hand, I have had (and expect will have again) periods in my life where I was popular, sailed through life like it was nothing, went to parties, had adventures that would actually make some people envious.

On the other hand, when things get rough, I "enter a world of pain" (I'm in the mood to quote The Lebowski). It's nasty, I get anxiety, severe grief, exhaustion, rage issues, and when it gets really bad even mild psychotic episodes. When I'm in this phase, mantaining the social life that I had in "happy mode" becomes impossible.

People are less threathened by a happy state of mind. I think at times you can view PTSD as a heavy, black cloak hanging around our shoulders and as has been said above, people can feel that. They don't know what to do about it, they'd rather encourage you to "get over it already" but you can't and then they feel powerless (that's my impression).

Also, when in the bad phase, my brain is so occupied with processing trauma that there is no space left for anything social. I forget everything. I completely lose interest in all the "mundane" things people go through, their world just doesn't appeal to me anymore because it doesn't seem important. All that is important for me is to survive, while they're busy chatting about clothes.

I know it can be lonely. But I'm pretty sure it's just a phase, it'll pass some time. It can also help to build a circle of close friends but I know that's much easier said than done. It took me eight years of living here, but now I have some people whom I have told about the PTSD and with whom I can still communicate quite allright even if I feel messed up.

 

[LongStoryShort]

Oh JadedG. I'm sorry you are finding it hard to write. Wish you the best! Hope you are ok.

Radise. Itotally get where you are coming from especially with the being consumed by your trauma. I have tried really hard the past years not to go there myself which unfortunately makes me a bit "on the surface" to other people cause I feel if they break under my surface then all they will get is trauma. And then for all I know I might be accused of depressing them or wanting to get attention or something.

 

[JadedGhost13]

LongStoryShort, I am ok and writing will come back eventually or another outlet will present itself for me to express and release whats inside. I really think right now the blockage I am experiencing is caused mostly by my medications.

Do you have anyone that you are close to at all? Someone that knows your story and yet accepts you as you are? I suppose for myself I've been living this way for so long that I can take or leave human interaction which really is not a good thing because we all deep down have a natural instinct to communicate, befriend, care and nurture other people.