BPD Why are people with borderline personality seen as bad people?

[Lotis]

When I was a teen i was misdiagnosed as Borderline. I don't think people who are Borderline are labeled as bad people I have heard them labeled as "difficult". I think neither is true since I do know a few people who are Borderline. :)
~L

 

[The Albatross]

Thanks Morphius, I was a fretting a bit about my response as it is sort of 50/50 as to how something will be received.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

BPD who is in recovery versus ones resistant or non compliant or never have been inclined to seek treatment of any sort.

I cant imagine a borderline that wants to stay inside of storm of the most intense emotions ever. Its a horrid feeling. Not saying there arent any, just that managing it is a personal by yourself with therapist process so those on the outside may not realize a borderline is indeed, trying to get better and doing the best they can.

And "working on it" can take a very long time. That was seen here with me. Im not arguing, thats your preference and right, im just advising in general to write off a borderline too soon could be a mistake. They may not realize they can be helped. Like I advised above, I didnt know DBT was a doable thing, thought it was a group thing. I desperatly wanted help but didnt know how to get it for years.

ETA: And was terrified of therapists due to 4 horrible experiences with "counselors" so I thought all were that way. I had to be forced into therapy and even then was terrified to tell him anything and didnt for a year.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[The Albatross]

Sadly I don't have to imagine, there are any number of dysfunctions in our two family systems for which none except me and my own mister have received diagnosis/some treatment or even endeavored to recover.

 

[The Albatross]

You have not been written off Lost and there are others, however you here on the forum are in recovery and own your diagnosis... do not misrepresent or fail to seek treatment. Just sayin.

K don't want to hijack the thread. Back to the topic?

 

[joeylittle]

I cant imagine a borderline that wants to stay inside of storm of the most intense emotions ever. Its a horrid feeling

I do.

When it's all you know, when it's the norm - why would you ever even think there's another way to be? So yeah, it's shitty, but when it's just the way you are, you don't really believe there's an alternative.

So, pre-diagnosis, it's not uncommon for people with BPD to believe their perception of reality is not anything other than accurate.

The negative behaviors in BPD are somewhat reinforced, simply because it's hard for other people to not react to someone with BPD when they are lashing (out or in).

It's a tough cycle to beat.

Accepting the diagnosis is the right first step. Then, there's the road to recovery. But re-habituating is, as you say, extremely hard.

The borderline people I know struggle with falling off the wagon, very similar to the early phases of addiction recovery.

I don't really know how it's done outside of the more traditional full DBT structure. (Not saying you aren't working on it, @lostforgottensoul - just that the full DBT structure is really thorough, and it seems to me that not having that level of coaching would be hard. I also don't know how well that structure interacts with comorbidity).

 

[lostforgottensoul]

When it's all you know

Ok, I get that and was in that until I came here and I was, I dont know, "different", though I will say, the world and how people interact with each other showed me there was something "wrong" with me (for lack of a better word) which sent me researching which made me self doagnose...or at least strongly believe i may have BPD. This was years before therapy.

the full DBT structure is really thorough, and it seems to me that not having that level of coaching would be hard. I also don't know how well that structure interacts with comorbidity

You mean outside of a group structure? Its doable for sure. My coaching is my therapist but ive been able to gain, understand, and use DBT tools and techniques that work without a group. Cormobilty doesnt change it any. Many symptoms cross and my therapist and i work on symptoms so most times i dont know which disorder im working on unless obvious.

Not sure if that answered it at all.

 

[scout86]

I do.
When it's all you know, when it's the norm -

I think I do too, or did. There's no way to know for sure, but I kind of suspect that my mother had at least a combination of Narcissistic Pd and Borderline going on. My T has commented several times that it seems to him that she would experience intense, unpleasant emotions, not know what to do with them, then more or less throw them around expecting other people (me) to 'fix' things. Trying to deal that as an infant/toddler/ etc was complicated and I never did it very well. Over the past couple of years, I've come to see that I have a hard time dealing with people who are in that kind of place. They scare the heck out of me.To be honest, I've used this forum as kind of 'exposure therapy'. I can engage and then disappear, if I need to, when things get scary. Something I couldn't do as a kid. It's given me a good chance to understand that all the chaos is not my fault and that my life doesn't depend on 'fixing' someone else's chaos. But, if you're not safe from it and you don't understand it, that level of chaos can be hard to deal with from the outside too.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

expecting other people (me) to 'fix' things.

That I dont do. I do throw emotions I suppose, though I try not to and try like hell to hold them in and that then leads to cutting, punishment, etc. But when I do explode in an anxiety driven instense emotional "rage" (its not anger, its a mix of emotions) i dont expect anyone to fix it. I dont really expect anything other than maybe to let me vent. My dad fights it, and argues with me. My step mom is learning to just let me let it out and once i do, i can calm down and have a normal calm discussion. And i really dont expect that. Its just what helps.

I do crave understanding though. For others to understand.

Over the past couple of years, I've come to see that I have a hard time dealing with people who are in that kind of place. They scare the heck out of me.To be honest, I've used this forum as kind of 'exposure therapy'. I can engage and then disappear, if I need to, when things get scary.

You did wonderful with me when I first joined. Unless you just didnt show me that part. ;)

 

[scout86]

Actually lost, you were a big help to me. On the one hand, all the unpredictable (to me) emotions really freaked me out. On the other hand, you seemed so obviously to be trying, it was different enough that it felt safe to at least try to engage with you. Like I said, I think my mother had a combination of problems. My T has flat out said he thinks she had NPD. Piecing together other things he's said with things I know now, I'm guessing borderline too. He never met her, she would never in a million years have considered therapy, there's no way to know. And it doesn't really matter. When you first joined.... LOL... I was pretty conflicted. Partly because I was worried about you, partly because of all the old scripts running in my head telling me I was inevitably going to do something horribly wrong and there'd be a huge price to pay. (No idea what that would have been. It exists in my head in a "now you're gonna die" kind of a way that makes no rational sense. "Exposure Therapy" LOL

 

[lostforgottensoul]

On the other hand, you seemed so obviously to be trying

Very hard! My therapist says that a lot. That its obvious im really trying very hard.

"now you're gonna die" kind of a way

Lol, I know that thinking well.

My T has flat out said he thinks she had NPD. Piecing together other things he's said with things I know now, I'm guessing borderline too. He never met her, she would never in a million years have considered therapy, there's no way to know. And it doesn't really matter.

Yeah, my therapist talked about my mom too.

 

[Sandstone]

@scout86 I'd really like to discuss some of what you say further, but it goes way off topic, so I'm going to start a thread in Childhood - "How parents model emotional regulation"