Why are they all laughing at me

[IamFree]

I am still triggered up to the eyeballs today over something what happened last night. I dragged myself out of isolation to go out for dinner with my AA home group. How I feel today just reinforces why i like to isolate. I said something to some people across the table. Was not trying to be funny but they laughed...and this is the thing if anyone laughs at me or near me I find I just cant bear it ...I feel so ridiculous and humiliated..My rational mind is telling me that its very out of proportion ..but you know how trauma is..your rational mind is a very quiet voice and your trauma is a bloody very loud voice....Whats goig on am i taking my self way to seriously..are they evil horrible wicked people...why do people laugh why do i care how can i stop caring..all this emotional pain for a dinner out its just way to much.

 

[The Albatross]

You could have a conversation with your sponsor, or a trusted member who attended the dinner and was there for some perspective. To quell the voice that is reactive and telling you just to go back to isolation, it may be better to bring it up and have the conversation?

I think I'd re-examine, "all this emotional pain for a dinner out its just way to much" because it wasn't just a dinner, it was fellowship with your group members as well, right?

 

[IamFree]

I do not plan to go back into isolation because i know now that I have to learn how to face up to why I feel this way and I do know this is all to do with whats going on in my own head...a chat with my sponsor is a good port of call..he was not there but he also has a traumatic background so perhaps he could help me learn about why this sort of thing triggers me so much.

 

[hodge]

I second Alb's idea about getting feedback from someone else who was there, but I also understand your pain. Sending :hug:s.

 

[The Albatross]

Hope you do make the call and that you feel calmed and get some support and perspective IamFree!

 

[ladee]

Hope you get good feedback from someone who was there.
The fellowship is such an important part of building a new foundation.
You have great insight! That is going to be very helpful on your healing journey.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I am still triggered up to the eyeballs today over something what happened last night. I dragged myself...

Well, sometimes it takes a couple of days to figure it out. Give yourself time, but there are other times when people are indeed being abusive too. I used to be friends with some co workers and after turning in a fellow that stalked me in that work place they began to abuse me and I was so ill with PTSD I did not even know what they were doing. They took words that I had said in total innocence and turned them into sexual phrases. I was all red in the face after that and at that time did not know that they were intentionally doing that to me. These so called friends are still attempting to punish me for turning in an abuser....... to this day they will use others to turn things I said into the most unbelievable and sexually abusive stories I have ever heard..... to call them insane is major understatement.

 

[IamFree]

yes indeed it makes more sense on reflection..I think hypervigillance is a factor..sort of unconsciously scanning the environment looking for perceived or real threats...also perfectionism..to be honest I think generally the dinner went good enough but I was foucusing on this negative detail.