Why Do I Do These Things To Myself?

[safenow]

When I was in my early 30's I got so angry with one therapist, I stood up, picked up my chair and tossed it out the window. Security came running. I was standing there laughing at his facial expression. I used the window rather than his head, and he knew it. I was referred to an anger management course. The good thing is, I learned a lot from them. A lot more than I got from that idiot.

Now I am not recommending you hurt him, but you need a new therapist, for sure. I am glad you young people have more hope than we did in years past. My first therapy was in the days of frontal labotomy, ECT (no meds), permanent mental hospital being chained to the floor, or turned into the walking dead. Now there are laws to protect those of us with mental illnesses. And believe me, I know them all. I use them as well. I recommend you look up the laws for your country/state/parish/county whatever.

safenow

 

[Sailorgal]

Definitely make sure the next T has experience with patients with your background. Question him on his treatments (how he handles these cases), give him a scenario or two.

Some T's just aren't skilled or experience enough to handle "deep" cases. They should be upfront about it and refer you to someone who can better assist.

 

[TLight]

I like your screen name, safenow.

Yes, he is supposed to be a 'trauma' specialist and has dealt with dissociation before. But he just seems so patronizing and uncaring to me. Perhaps it is me, I'm just too negative after decades of this and trying to get help.

I asked him upfront awhile back what the plan was. He said most importantly grounding and practicing being in the present, then if and ever I want to 'process' anything, we can go that route. Well, I told him, I want processing so how do we do it? I think he's trying to get the 'adult' parts of me stronger and more empathetic. I can see his route intellectually, but I don't feel connected, trusting, or even respectful of him. Mostly cause of the chaulkboard and the freakin book, which to me every chapter seems the same and I've been doing it. Make a safe place for my alters, talk to them and soothe them, let them know they are not in trauma time, and generally be nice to all my selves and give them what they need.

There you go. The entire 17 chapter book in one sentence. I hate the freakin book.......I don't know if it is resistance on my part or because I hate that I go in for pyschotherapy where he gets $245 a session from insurance and $50 from me and he picks up a damn book and reads it to me. Makes me furious.

Right now I'm just using him to sign the right papers and help get my meds. Am I way off base here. His 'words of positive wisdom' about how wonderful life is followed by his patronizing nodding smile make me want to puke.

He's making me feel like I'm not trying, I'm just a negative f&ck up, and I don't want to get better. While I'm sitting there trying to express to him how I'm trying to do all the stuff and the suffering I'm going through is horrific. Triggered by freakin people and I'm surrounding by them all the time? Now are we supposed to confront our triggers ALL THE TIME? I've heard gently and lightly, ever so and only within tolerance. So I hide in my room as much as possible.
I want a solution? Do we talk to the alters, hypnosis? try to get to some feelings? I asked him over and over.

His answer. Do the writing exercises at the end of the chapter and show them to him next time. I'm writing about where I put each on and what their safe place is like, etc. etc. How I feel about them, etc. etc. Each chapter seems the same to me.

Someone give me some honest opinions! Is it me or him?

 

[JustBe]

It's him.

 

[Sailorgal]

It doesn't hurt to consult with another T and get some feedback.

Maybe he was helpful to your earlier stages but you need more which he can't provide if you are really ready to progress.

I would consult with a few T's about where you are NOW and then discuss your needs with your T and see which direction is best for you.

 

[Bilby]

It's him. He sounds like a d*ckhead.