Why do you choose to stay alive?

[Tinyflame]

I too am not one to kill a bug, if possible to avoid. Not even plants, really.

It was pointed out and came to me last weekend, that it is probably a harder temptation 'not to', because it isn't to anyone else's benefit not to. And temptations that could harm others are either very easy or not a big deal to not do (for me). I can easily see the value in others but not myself or life/ existence.

I think also as people we have to learn how we are affected individually; for example, the Christmas season, some seek out belonging some it's painful reminders. Same with dogs, etc. For example too, I work in health care/ with the elderly, it's very depressing internally (and exhausting) because it's all about families, amongst other things. It becomes making people who have 100x the connections have a great time. Which I try, I do not resent, but it is what it is, there is no reprieve or such and it's depressing Christmas, if I'm honest. (As I suspect the temptation is for those with loss, and also with financial struggle- not being able to provide for themselves AND others- as that's a huge part of 'Christmas' feeling like Christmas = being able to give, and unknown futures, too- but being surrounded by what is projected as affluence, +/or family, etc etc.)

Didn't mean to ramble on, just really to say sometimes it takes a lot of faith and trust to believe it's better for one's self, or even others to be and stay here.

That's what a friend said here to me- stop blowing out the candle- accept affirmations from others, keep trying, try to fight. Focus on the flame (only), not the darkness, despite what you think or believe or feel about yourself.

(ETA, And recognize others trying to light the flame- as he was, stay close to what does. Because it's fragile to extinguish, but sometimes we can extinguish it ourselves.)

Hugs to you xox. :hug:

 

[Chiqui]

Because I have someone to care for. The sad side It is I searched for someone who needed me. I can't let him down. So I made my own "security área" on purpouse. If not...well...I am not much interested on "me".

 

[Changing4Best]

My niece and nephew would be heart broken if I were to take my life. Same with my sister. They would somehow feel that they had not done enough or something. That would be the same for some of my closest friends and folks who care very much about me, as well as my pastor. I don't want to hurt any of their feelings. I don't want to make them feel as if it were somehow their fault.

Then there are my pets. No one can really communicate with them as I do. When I was hospitalized recently, my guinea pig especially could not get used to who cared for him. He is used to me and likes me. He tolerates others only because he needs the food they give to him.

I would not want to hurt God either. He gave me life. I should not snuff out that gift!

 

[pclf2127]

I don't know.. I see some responses that make me want to vomit about family and friends compelling them to live. Thats all exterior stuff. I hate life. But you need to want to live for yourself to really make it...Not sure thats going to be me...

 

[shatter eyes]

I found a big spider on bed and caught it..released it outside earlier. I dont hurt insects. Live and let live.

Battle is the right word because i battle the thoughts of death often. Theres no fkn point talkn about it docs. Its like crying wolf for them.

Fkn sick of these battles but yet i still fight to live. I got people that depend on my recovery and sanity.

If it werent for them or the community i would have taken the plunge long ago. Peaceful gamble that i maybe free from mind and body. I would be soul 100% spirit.

No more short circuit storms.
No more pain. No more doctors. No more trying to get help for something i cannot explain.

I feel like a coward but i remember someone said suicide is a cowards way out.

Suicide is seductive because i dont know whats on the otherside and i feel so trapped everyday living on this side.

Nobody will take me serious until it is too late. I will take myself serious until it is too late.

Hopeful for others but hopeless for myself. Lil big spider live on.

I dont want my mom to be sad. She is all i have left. So i stay...

 

[Fiadh]

To give back to people and pay for the mistakes that I have made. To hopefully learn to become a better person and killing myself would be disrespectful to those who did die, those who I didn't save and those who if the tables were turned or If I had reacted differently they may be living a happy life right now.

 

[Chiqui]

@pcfl2127 But you need to want to live for yourself to really make it..
I agree with you on this here, but for me, It is not happennig, at the moment. So I need a plan B "to keep myself alive" until the need to want to live for myself happens...if it happens..

 

[freebird]

We are a voice for each other and a voice for the ones who come here anonymously looking for help.
That's another reason...and a very major one I think.

 

[anonymous]

Because I don't have a choice...

 

[Multitudes]

Because I have someone to care for. The sad side It is I searched for someone who needed me.
...I am not much interested on "me".

Your reply made me think - you have purposely formed a relationship based on 'Neediness', a situation normally shunned.. yet there is no reason to think that it cannot work just because it is not 'Normal' - I'd love to see a definition of that horrid term!

I, personally, like to imagine that a mutual companionship, respect, love, can arise from 'broken parts' (please forgive my use of words).

I applaud you and wish you both a lifetime of happiness.

 

[Chiqui]

I like your definition of "broken parts". When I was fully aware of how serious and complex my situation was, I decided that he should have certain features, like he should understand my mental crash and be able to help me to live with It and move on, too.

Basically someone who were also studing ptsd and fighting against, too. Also with ptsd. With this on my mind, I started to date people for a year or so. And we meet. He was looking for someone like me, Who could understand his difficulties with ptsd. We are living together for the last 7 years and a half. We have supported each other and It hasn't been easy. He is suffering from chronic pain, too.
But for me, honestly and definitely, I am alive because of him. Thanks I was very honest to myself and I knew me well enough them. So, yes. Thanks for your post. I know the diference between the ideal and the reality within. And I respected my needs and my reality them.
So glad I did @Multitudes
And yes, we love and respect each other.

 

[Changing4Best]

I think I just thought of another reason. I need to stay alive because I fight for myself and others like myself. Not everyone can do that. Not everyone has the gumption to do that. I do and I will.