Why don’t I cry when talking about my SA?

[Brownie3]

So I’m in be started to talk about my childhood SA with my T. But I never cry. I should cry, but I don’t. I’ve cried when I talked about other things in the past, but when I talk about the biggest, most shameful, scary secret of my life, there isn’t much outward emotion. I feel sadness and fear… but no tears or crying. Anyone else? Any thoughts? I feel like I should be a crying mess…

 

[Survivor3]

Hiya @Brownie3. I can really relate to that. I find it incredibly difficult to cry. I think it's a combination of medication and the effect stress and trauma has had on my brain and it's neural pathways. I used to drink a bottle of vodka just so I'd start crying. I'm not advising that!!! Don't have any advice just to say I understand.

 

[Mach123]

I know I’m very sad or I have a very sad part but it is repressed or something. I tear up and stuff easy but it stops right away. I know I’ve never processed my grief. Idk if I ever will now? I think it’s too much, like I can’t face it. I feel it though I know it’s there .

 

[internal]

it may be dissociation. i typically don't cry when i talk about things that happened with me either. but it does come out. especially as the more that you begin to process it and not just name it. the meaning of things. the impact of things. how it effects your current life. your family. that type of thing. how ever the idea of that you should be feeling or reacting in any way is a fallacy. as long as you are not hurting others or your self your reactions are just fine. and you will come to the feelings in your own way. on your own time.

 

[Movingforward10]

Totally relate! I have only learnt to cry in the last year or so. I'm about to turn 43.
For me: it's learnt behaviour.
No point showing emotion as a child: it got laughed at or ignore. So crying is shameful.
I can cry for other people. I can cry watching a film. But to cry about what happened to me? That is very new indeed. I need reminding tears are ok.
I think it also has a lot to do with disassociation. Can't cry about what you can't remember . Or can't associate a feeling too.
Initially when I started to talk about my trauma: no emotional connection at all. I then imagined it was another person's story and that helped to bring compassion for me, because I could show empathy for some other random person: just not me. And slowly, chipping away at the layers of self blame, denial, disassociation, shame etc: the tears come.

 

[PTSDisaster]

I've got this the other way around. I cry but I don't feel anything. I don't even know why I'm crying, it feels really weird actually

 

[Skywatcher]

I cried about mine indirectly last week and I think it set off a disaster of emotions, but I wasn’t crying about the abuse. I was reading about what childhood sexual abuse does to the neural pathways in the brain and how it disconnects the communication between the right and left brain and why. I tend to go back to denial since the biggest part of my trauma came out as a repressed memory. I’m reading this book that explains what happens to people that experience childhood trauma and I can literally check every box. That is what sets me off. Also, I cried to my therapist about it and she says that even though she can’t tell me what happened she suspects something happened based on our years of therapy. Then I oddly stopped crying and we moved on.

 

[PTSDisaster]

I cried about mine indirectly last week and I think it set off a disaster of emotions, but I wasn’t crying about the abuse. I was reading about what childhood sexual abuse does to the neural pathways in the brain and how it disconnects the communication between the right and left brain and why. I tend to go back to denial since the biggest part of my trauma came out as a repressed memory. I’m reading this book that explains what happens to people that experience childhood trauma and I can literally check every box. That is what sets me off. Also, I cried to my therapist about it and she says that even though she can’t tell me what happened she suspects something happened based on our years of therapy. Then I oddly stopped crying and we moved on.

Can I ask you what the book's called?:)

 

[Friday]

But I never cry. I should cry, but I don’t. I’ve cried when I talked about other things in the past, but when I talk about the biggest, most shameful, scary secret of my life, there isn’t much outward emotion. I feel sadness and fear… but no tears or crying.

It’s strange as hell when you’re USED to a certain response, and it’s just not there where you expect it to be, amirite???

Pretty sure that, regardless on where people fall on the crying spectrum, most of us can relate to the WTF moments of
- what we feel vs what we express
- what we expect vs what actually happens.

O_o

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG this is so true:

Pretty sure that, regardless on where people fall on the crying spectrum, most of us can relate to the WTF moments of
- what we feel vs what we express
- what we expect vs what actually happens.

I don't cry relating anything but I don't think I'm dissociated at all. More often I lose my voice or start coughing. I can find tears well up at inopportune (isn't it always?) unexpected times, if I feel badly for someone, something on the news, esp if I have to repeat or read it out loud, or a movie, even Disney. Or esp Disney. I have felt tears asking for help when panicked (serious), I can choke back. I sometimes cry at night but usually I feel too sad at those times. Once in a blue moon I wake up crying. I never cry in public that anyone could tell. Sometimes a song or fact will cause it on the spot. Kind of weird.

 

[Skywatcher]

@PTSDisaster the book is called: “Life, Reinvented” by Erin Carpenter, LCSW

 

[Sues]

I can't cry. It wasn't safe to cry, not because it was 'weak'. It was because it made him more mad and I got hurt more. So now I don't cry. I fight it because it doesn't feel safe. I fight it and my voice gets hoarse and I hate it.

I often worry that not being able to let out the emotions through crying will make things worse because I'm bottling them up. It's hard to talk about this stuff too, so I struggle to say the words about the abuse and I don't cry, so I feel like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do.