Why? Why? What Did I Do Wrong?!

[Deleted member 28403]

Parents yelling around and everything :cry:.

Mom's speaking of bad stuff again, how they will punish me, and how I'm an awful ungrateful child and that I'm wicked and twisted and crazy :cry: :banghead:.

She is talking how they put more than I deserve into me and that they should do the dog training, shoving nose into piss kind when the dog pisses on the floor. She says that anything else is a waste of money. They call me lazy no matter how much I work. I hate them. They are mad at me for everything. Some money was lost in the house and they yell at me and keep accusing me, that I'm financing someone or taking drugs and similar. I hate them. I know they are crazy, but I can't do anything. They threathen me. They say they will call the police and have them beat the shit out of me till I give them money, describing how there will be blood on the walls and everything. :cry: :depressed: :sick: :mad: :banghead:. I want to be away from this. I want to be safe. I hate this. I want to be safe. I hate them. They keep yelling. Mom yells at me about everything and they constantly tell my little brother how awful I am and everything. They keep yelling at me. I hate them. :cry:.

I want to be away from this. They keep telling me how I'm an awful person and just revenging to them for something they did to me as a kid. I hate them. They keep telling me how they will send me to Social Care and have my brain burned with medicines. They keep threathening me. They say that I'm awful and that I should be kept on short leash, and that I'm bad and lazy and that I do nothing all day and that I will fail in life and that I'm twisted and that everyone will abandon me and that I deserve the bullying. I hate them. I want to kill them. My father is proud when he manages to visibly hurt me and brags about it. I hate him. They just tell me how I will fail and how awful I am. They tell me how they do everything for me and that I'm awful and that I have nothing to ask for from them more, because they 'gave me everything they could'. I hate them. I want to be away from this :cry: :mad:.

I want to get away from this f*cking shit, I hate them. :mad:
They call me disabled and dumb and yell at me for everything, they do everything to make me feel bad. I hate them.

I want to be away from this. From this town. From them, but I have no way of achieving that. They won't let me. They won't let me get away. They say that I should be kept on short leash and that I should be trained like a dog, having my nose shoved into piss. They are crazy, I know it but I can't get away from them. If I leave their line of sight they get mad at me. They constantly talk about how they will find new ways to punish me and make me listen to them. I want to be away from this. I hate them. I'm scared. They are walking around. :cry:

I hate them. I don't know what to do. Why is there noone to help me. I can barely write due to tears. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

I'm shaking and crying. I'm weak, I can't stand up aganist them. I hate them. I just sit and look with blabk eyes. I want to be away from them. They keep making fun of me and yelling at me. I hate them. I want them to go away. They tell me how I'm lazy. I WANT TO BE AWAY FROM THIS. :cry:.

I hate this. I want to be away from this. I hate myself. They keep telling me how I'm guilty for everything, how everything is my fault and that I'm awful. They keep telling me of punishing me. I hate them.

I hate them. They keep telling me how I deserve to feel guilty. I hate them. I hate this. :cry:

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

 

[Ice_Fire]

Not liking because I 'like' it in any way, shape or form. Just to let you know I've read everything you wrote here. I'm so sorry.

You say that they won't let you leave, but if you worked towards finding a way to leave, then they can't stop you. Honestly, you need to get out of there, it's escalated and become more serious verbal abuse and threats of physical since we last 'spoke' on here. You do not need to feel guilty, from what you've said and what I've read here, I can tell you that you are intelligent, articulate and have an awful lot going for you. Nothing you ever do for them will be good enough, you could put a person on Mars and it wouldn't be good enough in their eyes.

If I may ask, how old are you? Is there somewhere you can stay until you get yourself sorted financially? If not, then I would consider going to social services. I mean, it's far from ideal but you're not a young child and it can't be any worse. The threats about what being in care would be like is a load of bullsh*t to stop you running away.

You can't live like this. You need to get out, get an education and get free of them. PM me if you want to chat.

 

[Changing4Best]

He's 14 @Ice_Fire and so it will be hard for him to get away, but I agree, not impossible. The police won't beat you bloody, @otakujome , they would not be aloud to do so. They are "Officers of the Peace" and are bound by rules. They would not beat a 14 year old young man for any reason as far as I know. Your parents are insane, from what you tell us, this is agreed. You would be better off staying in a facility, but be forewarned, they probably won't have internet service or any other extras there. They will make you do chores there, like cooking, cleaning things or doing the dishes, etc. Still, it would be better than the oppression you are dealing with now with your parents. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It is so unfair! You are a wise, articulate, educated young man. From what you have told us, you study hard and long. You seem to be doing the best you can! And yet it is not good enough for them.

My parents yelled a lot at me too. I'm in my 60s now, but I still remember it. It was not easy to deal with, so I feel for you.

Please find a way to get out of there!!!!!

 

[joeylittle]

Link Removed - social services for domestic violence
https://www.facebook.com/zivim.zivot.bez.nasilja/timeline - the same organization's Facebook page.
http://www.mspm.hr/djelokrug_aktivnosti/podrska_obitelji - gov't. site for department of children and families.
Link Removed - directory of social welfare services
http://www.mspm.hr/djelokrug_aktivnosti/zastita_djece/cesta_pitanja_i_odgovori - information on handling bullying in schools.

For all I know, @otakujome, you've already been through all these - but just in case you haven't, this is the beginning of a resource list.

You are definitely a child by definition of Croatian law until you are 18; and there seems to be a process you can go through to have guardianship removed from your parents and re-assigned to a social worker. From there, you are either placed in foster care or a group home; you still go to school, etc. You've got access to the welfare system until you are 21.

You are a very smart guy - and even though I am sure there are a million reasons why it is risky to try and leave your home, I think you have a million and one reasons to give it a shot. These social services are not connected in any way with psychiatric services (which (I just learned), in croatia, are still a major concern of the world health organization and centre for human rights) - and I better understand now why psychiatric care is really difficult to get.

But getting out of your home might be doable.

Thinking of you.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I can try to live on a campus for high school, but they probably won't give permission... I don't know what to do. I will try to talk to the other horn player tommorow about where to live and I could try to find a way to get out of my home for high school. And after February I will basically be done with 8th Grade and I can.get a job and work on getting away from them.

And yep, you are basically right. In Croatia there is barely any psychiatric care system, and all there is is based on 'writing it off' and tons of Vallium. I will make sure I have means to live by when I'm 18 and that I can earn sufficient amount of money. There are a lot of thought processes going on at the same time in my head atm, so I will try to sort some stuff out, but my parents seem to be gone to sleep now. I'm sorry for mess I make on chat and I will try to sort out the weekends so I don't rest on chat on weekends, as they are the worst part of the week. During the week I did my best to be helpful, but on weekends I'm crashing. I'm sorry, and I wrote on a thread from before a bit on it.

I noticed that my parents have some crazy ways of thinking, they are actually proud if they develop an Echo Personality Disorder in someone... I just noticed how much I'm brainstorming... I read a few stories about similar situations, sad :cry:.

If only I could get over the complexes that I have... Guilt complex over everything... Feeling unworthy of anyone caring about me as soon as I see someone with bigger problems exists... Complete feeling of worthlessnes as soon as someone (no matter how much older they are) is better at something than me. Ugh. I hate myself... Why can't I be simpler.

Well, my mind is tortured by it's own amount and conplexity of thoughts. And I have no trust towards this system in Croatia...

 

[Philippa]

Thinking of you otakujome. That sounds really rough and a hard situation to get out of. You deserve much better, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. It's only the terrible messages these people are putting in your head that is making you feel so bad...but they aren't true. They are lies. Just try and hold onto that. They are projections of how your parents feel and how they were probably treated as kids as well. It has nothing to do with you. It's all old tapes playing in their heads and being regurgitated onto you, sadly.

I hope you can find some way to escape this situation soon. Sending you strength.

 

[ShadowSolace]

Youre not doing anything wrong, Jome. I'm not trying to demonize your parents, but they seem to be somewhat at fault here. They don't seem to know or understand how to treat their own child. They could use serious improvement. Being a parent is much, much more than "putting a roof over your head".. It's supporting,loving, and caring for their children. You need to get help somehow. Look up seven cups of tea, maybe that will help for the time being. Its a site where you could talk to people.

 

[Anrish]

I'm really sorry to hear that you have such a rough time. I'm totally with you in this matter.

I don't want to protect your parents but maye they are overchallenged because you don't fit in what they know as "normal". That doesn't defend their behaviour. I'm so sorry that you don't get any understanding.

Is there maybe a teacher or some other aduld you can talk to so they could help you to find a way to get away from your family?

Don't apologize about writing what's on your mind. I think you're really strong but even the strongest has his or her limits.