Why? Why?

[EvenStrongerNow]

Why do I dissociate at the grocery store and shopping mall when it is my turn to shop for myself? Suddenly I feel like I don't know how to do that and I get overwhelmed. And then I go somewhere and it takes a lot not to just put stuff back on shelves and racks and say forget it. I end up picking stuff I'm unsure if I like just to leave sooner :/

It's so annoying and I want it to stop. I can't figure out where it comes from?

 

[Abstract]

Stronger, I too seem to find shopping a bad one for this. I am not sure what it is. I have started accepting that at present I need to do online shopping as much as possible as I am usually so dissociated I loose what I have bought on my way back. No point in that!

If you just let yourself do a little brainstorming then what do you think this is about?

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I don't really know. It's possible that I was triggered but can't put my finger on it. I know what my triggers are mostly so I guess they are out there when I go. Things like aviator sunglasses, names, a certain hat, doped up people, hyper people, shady acting people, sales people....well lots of things for certain reasons.

It was my day to go shopping for clothes. Hubby and I planned it a week ago. When we got there, I was walking around outside, stopped at Target to get a lock for our helmets to stay on the motorcycle. We went in to the mall. My hubby said he was gonna go get us coffee and then it just started. I can't really figure it out.

I never had this reaction after the childhood trauma when it came to stores, malls, events, etc. it didn't start happening until the middle of my last trauma. I remember the first time it happened. The end of 2008. I was in a grocery store, putting stuff into the cart. All of a sudden I panicked out of nowhere. Everyone walking past me startled me and I felt like I was gonna die. I ran out of the store, just left my cart and cried outside in a corner.

That didn't happen today but I wanted to cry. Especially when my husband says, "Baby, where did you go?" It gets even worse because I think oh no! He knows! He did the right thing by making me put the clothes down and hugging me. We stood there for a few minutes hugging and he told me he loved me. It continued but I hid it and then felt like I was on auto pilot after that.

After that store, we went into H&M and my hubby found some things he liked. I stopped dissociating when I was helping him. I became like a clothes finder machine for him. I created a scene right out of Pretty Woman and made it so much fun for him. When it was my turn again, there I went again.

It's so frustrating. Maybe I don't think I deserve to get things for myself? I just don't know but I want it to stop.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I just got a lot of anxiety typing all of that out lol

 

[franciemarnie]

Do you think it might have anything to do with feeling only defined in terms of others, only in relation to others so that when you are doing something for you alone, having nothing to do with anyone else, you sort of dissipate? That might not be your situation at all but it just popped into my head because that's sort of been me sometimes in life.

 

[maddog]

Hi Strongernow. For what it's worth, I think that dissociating, or becoming otherwise highly anxious and/or distressed, in the context of shopping centres or malls, is really really common. I certainly never thought so and naively assumed it was some strange little personal torture, but recently there was an entire session at my trauma therapy programme dedicated to the issue of shopping stress (and public places more broadly), and I was absolutely amazed to discover that almost everyone has huge difficulties with this task.

I know that for me, grocery shopping is a routine nightmare that is often intolerable. Shopping for clothes, er, doesn't happen. It just doesn't. All the usual shopping horrors, plus a whole load of extra issues dealing with body image, personal appearance and other markers of overwhelming self consciousness and shame.

While we all, obviously, have very different triggers, I think there is an above average likelihood that we will find at least one of them in a shopping mall, as they are such dynamic, sensory-rich, spontaneous, random, unpredictable environments in which seemingly a hundred thousand people are doing a hundred thousand things that involve a hundred thousand behaviours and activities. Just the sensory intensity of a shopping centre is enough to push my anxiety meter into overdrive.

I'm so glad that your hubby was there to offer at least some degree of anchor for you. I'm sorry that I don't have it in me to offer anything much more other than to say... I empathise, really really deeply.

Maddog

 

[Hashi]

What strategies do you use to try to avoid it or to re-ground when it happens? (eg making a list in advance of the steps you need to do, and crossing them off as you go, grounding exercises etc.)

I can't help wondering if it might be more helpful to focus on what to do about it rather than why it happens.

As others have said, I think it's common, can have many causes and isn't necessarily anything specific to your history. Supermarkets used to be a kind of escape for me when I was experiencing childhood trauma, but now I have a lot of problems shopping. I caught myself dissociating when food shopping only yesterday, and had to work to bring myself back.

Whatever the origin, if you knew where it came from, how would you be making use of that information to help you deal with this? I think everything has to end up with a practical plan anyway, so perhaps simply accepting that shopping on your own tends to lead to dissociating is enough to work with. I'd focus on strategies, rather than why.

 

[Flyaway]

I find music very grounding for me, sometimes when I'm shopping I will walk around with my headphones in. Some days it's just about surviving.

What do you usually do to ground yourself?

 

[CBX9]

I play video games to keep me from thinking about all the negative sometimes. When I'm by myself things become so much harder and I'm just in this zone where I'm just looking into space. When around people I'm not doing that as much. People clear your mind but you start having symptoms like anxiety, depression, angst, etc. It is best for me to at least be around people so that I can cope with PTSD. If I were to be alone with PTSD then I'd become a nervous wreck. I wouldn't want to do anything, can't think, I wouldn't want to do anything besides just staring at something. :) I hope this helps. Don't try to analyze everything because you can't especially in the condition you're in it only makes you feel worse. My suggestion for you is to just not worry about it so much. If you're feeling overwhelmed or very inferior to people then ignore how you feel(not the thought) and just keep on moving even if you start shaking a bit or feels like you're being watched or feels like you lose interest in things or feels like you're disgusted by humanity or people. If you can do this and not analyze everything then it will seem like time will go by a lot faster. Eventually you won't want to analyze and you'll become stronger and more relaxed.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I do push past it every time.

It doesn't happen when I shop alone that I am aware of. When I shop alone, I take my time.

The reason I am interested in finding out why is because when I actively have done that in therapy...find my trigger and become aware of it, it becomes manageable in the present.

When I just accept it and push through the fear, it still happens so it doesn't seem logical for me to keep doing the same thing.

Does that make sense?

All I know is that this only started happening in 2008. If I had always had this response, it would seem logical to accept it as a part of me . . .

Or...do you suppose it is a part of me I repressed so now I need to work at bringing myself back to balance? Maybe I don't understand how to ground myself. I do self talk and tell myself what is happening, that I am safe, etc. Should I be doing something physical besides going through the motions?

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I'm not opposed to what you guys are saying. I just feel like I've been trying those things each and every time...fully accepting of it...and up until this point, I haven't felt the urgency to rid of it.

I rationalize ridding of it because there was a time when I didn't have this response.

If you're saying this is the new me and I just have to accept this as a part of me, then okay. I will do it. I do wish I have some control over it in the sense of being aware of if something has triggered me and then working to ground myself with that awareness instead of only grounding myself and not knowing what caused it.

Because.....it doesn't happen all the time...not that I am aware of anyway.

 

[Hashi]

Sorry, I seem to have misunderstood what you meant by shop for yourself, and thought your example was when your husband left to get coffee.

I think I'm a bit confused generally about how much of a problem this is, in terms of how much fear you usually feel, how often it happens, and what you're actually experiencing. To me, panic, overwhelm, dissociation and fear are quite different from each other. So I'm probably misunderstanding and no help at all. I hope someone else can suggest something to help.