Why Wouldn't They Trust Me?

[Deleted member 1860]

Whoa. Time out.

Nobody else, and I mean NOBODY causes you to self harm. You actively choose self harm as a maladaptive coping mechanism. Until you claim full responsibility for your actions and realize you are the ONLY person who has the power to make you stop, you will likely continue to self harm.

(Spoken as a recovering self harm'er)

Edited to add:

I'm concerned that you went to Alcoholics Anonymous for your parents (not yourself) and that you still drink. Last time I checked that's not exactly recovery. Maybe you need to be going to meetings.

I see your posts riddled with deflection of responsibility. They lead you to harm. They made you go to Alcoholics Anonymous. They don't care about your self harm (why should they when you lie to them and tell them you're not?)

Continuing this pattern will render you powerless and not help your healing.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think I ran out of editing time.

Spoken as a child of an alcoholic, please rethink getting drunk when you have two young children at home. Adults grow up and forget the simple fact that they can hide NOTHING from their children. I know you think you have a right to be young and party, but really, you traded that in when you decided to have kids. I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm concerned for your kids.

 

[saffy]

it's a complete violation of my privacy.

Hi cookinggal

I know how their actions can get too you. Have you actually spoken to them about this. actually sat them down and told them how it makes you feel and ask them why they feel the need to do it?

Sometimes what we think is the motive, ie lack of trust, is not actually the motive but it has still ignited feelings of mistrust and invasion of privacy.

Sometimes their motives are something completely different and they have no idea of the negative emotions they ignite when they do things.

A lack of communication and assumptions and mind reading can cause a host of emotions to be ignited and therefore a lot of focusing on negative emotions based on what we have assumed the other is thinking or doing towards us.

Making them hear exactly how their actions make you feel emotionally can help change the actions and work together with the motives.

You are obviously feeling violated, they might just be 'looking out' for you because they have no idea what you are feeling or thinking. Some times they can go way over the top by racking through trash, but other times it is just taking it upon themselves to know what is best or to check up on things.

If you feel they have no need to, then it is your responsibility to let them know you are in control with your life and appreciate being supported but in a much more open and positive way. Sneaking around checking you out is neither productive or supportive and is based on their assumptions and not on how you are actually feeling.

I would wonder why they left it so openly obvious that they did this without actually talking to you about it. Why leave it in full view? It is a very off hand way of letting you know they are checking in on you. In my opinion anyway.

If you find it hard to talk to them send them a positive letter. Let them see you are being responsible and that you are being hurt by their actions even though their motives might be good.

I hope you can get this sorted through communication. But listening and respect for each other has also to be in the forefront of it.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[cookinggal]

I think I ran out of editing time.

I know you think you have a right to be young and party, but really, you traded that in when you decided to have kids. I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm concerned for your kids.

I know it may seem as though I really wanted kids but if you don't know all the facts please don't be talking about my children being concerned for them because at this point the only one putting them in danger had they been with them is their fathers.

 

[madmax]

You have a culinary certificate right? Take yourself seriously; perhaps what is most important is not the face in the mirror but the view.

 

[KP the nut]

@ Madmax, please treat other members with respect.

 

[madmax]

I remember now......my apologies your information explains to me why such a hurtful post is unwarranted.