Will I ever be the same again.

[Kaylove498]

This feeling of nothing gets old the feeling of not feeling gets old the feeling like your already dead gets old I just want the old me back.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

If the old you was before your trauma, sadly the answer is no. Your original self is gone. Your brain is permanently changed; chemically and physically.
However, by learning good coping skills, you can learn to live alongside your diagnosis and decrease periodic painful periods in your mind.

 

[Kaylove498]

I just feel like I've tried so many things I just seem to stay numb all the time.

I get moments where I'm so numb emotionally I become physically numb and can't get close to anyone.

I want to reconnect on a personal level with family and friends and even my spouse but I just can't seem to.

 

[Ronin]

Hi Kay.

Sorry you are struggling now.

You maybe don't become the same... but you can socialize again, in different ways.

That numbness may fade out with time... or be pretty damn cyclical. The whole disorder is pretty cyclical.

But we get better managing it with each bout, and working on things through the time.

There is a forward, future, and life worth of living, even with PTSD :)

 

[Muttly]

You won't be the same, but there's a way to reframe that. If we are healthy humans we all change over time. We all become different selves based on life experiences. So, you are in a hard place now but that doesn't mean what you are experiencing now, is always what you will experience

 

[Kaylove498]

Thank y'all it's just sucked because o was getting alot better but I've found myself anxious and afraid again I was going out everyday and now it's like I'm right back in it.

 

[Survivor3]

Hiya @Kaylove498, I've read the other posts and agree. You can retrace your steps to a certain point and it's a really good skill to have. But unfortunately after certain traumas and abuse there is no going back.

It's about getting help/support and finding a positive way forward whilst accepting what has happened.
I've suffered from trauma all my life and I'm not the same person anymore. That said I can still try and move forward in a positive way.

All the best to you, S3. ?

I even dread going to sleep sometimes because I'm in fear that the next day will just be the same shut going round my head. Your not alone.

 

[Mee]

You won't be the same, but there's a way to reframe that. If we are healthy humans we all change over time. We all become different selves based on life experiences. So, you are in a hard place now but that doesn't mean what you are experiencing now, is always what you will experience

So much this.

People without PTSD who don’t change also have a problem. I changed before PTSD , I will hopefully change going forward.
Personal growth is a good thing. The thing I dislike about my PTSD is how I feel it stunts my growth And self awareness. That’s not unique to PTSD! But it’s an aspect for me that is increased with PTSD.

 

[pam4him]

So sorry you are in this place. It does get old, but it can also get better. Keep doing the best you can each day and one day you hopefully will look back and see how far you've come. You can do this. Yes, it's hard, but it's doable. Prayers for peace, strength and guidance on your path.

 

[Wonder Woman]

This feeling of nothing gets old the feeling of not feeling gets old the feeling like your already dead gets old I just want the old me back.

Hi, Kaylove498. Nothing stays the same. Everything is changing. So, no, you can't go back. But the good news is that the way you're feeling now, the emptiness the death inside, will not always permeate your soul.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I know it sucks. Just take comfort in the fact that it will pass.

Sending you thoughts of peace and healing. ?

So much this.

People without PTSD who don’t change also have a problem. I changed before PTSD , I will hopefully change going forward.
Personal growth is a good thing. The thing I dislike about my PTSD is how I feel it stunts my growth And self awareness. That’s not unique to PTSD! But it’s an aspect for me that is increased with PTSD.

You right Mee, the blunted self-awareness is a real bugger.

Just all around lack of awareness led to me getting into some very dangerous situations.

That emptiness and disassociation is awful to live inside.

 

[whiteraven]

This feeling of nothing gets old the feeling of not feeling gets old the feeling like your already dead gets old I just want the old me back.

It took me a very long time to even realize that I was not feeling/dissociating. I mean, years. Once I recognized it, little by little it got a lot better (well, in terms of being able to feel - sometimes, though, that's not all it's cracked up to be). I have also noticed that being in a lot and not in touch with others, as well as going through very stressful periods leaves me numb/dissociating again.

So...it does/can get better, but it's a different sort than what you may have remembered.

 

[tacit]

Hi Kaylove ..yes the old you is still there. Although it will be a different version.

As the quote says,
"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man."
- Heraclitus

By different, remember that any new experience will change you. In fact any old experience, replicated, will also cause change too.
To go skydiving when you haven't done it before, will forever change your perspective. Developing a new habit will have created new neuro pathways in the brain where none existed before, as others will die off as you cease the old habits. Forever changing the make up of your brain, as well.

And by 'you' i am talking about the essence of who you are, your personality, gifts, talents, passions, likes & dislikes. You are still there, dormant maybe, but still there.

I found it to be as though it had all just been shelved, just in all it's individual parts. But surprisingly intact. It was like taking them down off the shelf, one by one, dusting them off & trying them back on. At first feeling quite awkward & foreign, but before long & with practice, finding myself 'remembering' & slowly coming back to 'normal'. It is really quite amazing.

As disheartening as it is to be going along well & thinking it is finally all behind you, only to be jerked back into the harsh reality that it isn't yet, in my experience is more of a reflection of entering another phase of recovering, rather than being any indicator of whether you can get back to your 'old' self or not.

I believe a significant part of recovering is the job of unearthing, detangling, separating & uncovering our true selves from the, often enmeshed, chaos of trauma & symptoms of PTSD. Just dealing with PTSD alone, I found is not enough.

It is a journey & definitely a doable one. Just takes longer than we hope.

To be at a place where you are experiencing periods without symptoms, for any length of time at all, is a significant milestone & achievement. I would liken it to being similar to flattening the curve with the coronavirus. You should be proud of yourself, you're doing well. ??