Will I Lose My Kids

[LEE29]

Hi There,

I have been diagnosed with PTSD for a year. I was very sick for a while and have been recovering well. I suffered alot of dissasociation and flashbacks but they went away for a number of months. Lately I have had a bit of a set-back over high levels of stress and yesterday got very confused and ended up in the police station till they contacted my family. I kept going between present and past etc.
I am divorced but remarried. Unfortunately when I got the disassociation yesterday I left my 6 yr old on her own and my husband didnt come home till a half hour later. She was fine thank God but my son who is 10 saw everything and overheard that I was in the police station and was very confused.
They go see their father once a week and my son told him what happened. I tried to explain what happened but he said he wouldnt give them back to me. We have joint custody (live in Ireland). I went to the house and got them back but he says he is seeing his solicitor tomorrow as he feels I am unfit.
My children are my world - I am doing all I can to get better but Im afraid its not enough.
Can I lose my kids over this?

 

[Heather]

Hi Lee - I am sorry this happened to you. I have a 7 y/o and if my ex ever tried to take her I don't know what I'd do. I am not sure what the laws are in Ireland because I live in the United States. Are you under a doctor's care where you live? Are you taking any medication to help control your symptoms? All of these would be good evidence in your favor I would think. good luck to you. Heather

 

[LEE29]

Hi Heather,

Thanks for your reply. I am under a team of doctors and attend trauma therapy every week/fortnight. I used to be on alot of meds but made the decision to come off them many months ago. I just feel that it is my attacker that should need to be medicated not me.
Anyway, it is quite possible now that the doctor will put me back on meds because of what happened at the weekend. It was the first time I had disassociated in 6 months. All my family support me but my ex and his partner are just using it to score points against me.
Im so scared to go asleep incase I dont wake up in the same mind I went to sleep in. Im so afraid that my vulnerability in my mental health will cause my kids to be uprooted to go live with their father. He has been barely in their lives but Im worried that he will still look to be the better parent. If I thought the kids would be ok with him then I wouldnt be so scared but he is a very selfish and immature man who would take them on, upset their world and then want to give them bak when the novelty wears off

 

[Fireball]

Hi Lee29!
I am sorry that you feel so dispaired and that you must have so much fear.
You are working hard I recognized and you are doing so well, if you disassociate once in 6 month!
Perhaps it is very important to analyze the situation which cause you to disassociate. If you show that you want to improve every day it will show that you are a really strong woman. When I read through the words you wrote I felt you are a mother who deeply thinks about the well-being of her children.
I once disassociated and the police, the ambulance and the fire-brigade came because they thought that I am in deep trouble. I felt so ashamed and was very despaired. And I did not know what will happen afterwards.
There was a big trouble. I was so angry because I worked so hard. And I thought: "Would those men who abused me be in such a trouble!" I analyzed the situation with my therapist. And I showed that I really work hard. I collected my points and succeeded.
I wish you all the best!

 

[LEE29]

Thanks Fireball,
Im sorry to hear that you had a similiar experience but relieved I am not alone. I spoke to my doctors and they reassured me that I am meeting all my childrens needs and that I am doing very well in recovery. They said that what the kids need is to be at home and get back to normal asap. That was a huge relief.
I feel alot stronger now and willing to face and analyse what happened as you suggested. Thank you so much for the support
Lee :)

 

[glasgow]

Hi Lee, I worked in Child Protection for 20yrs in the UK and Australia. From the point of view of both of those countries and I imagine in Ireland too, the authorities would not be the slightest bit interested in what happened. By your remarks you are clearly a caring mother who is doing all within her power to overcome an unexpected injury. There is nothing the authorities could take to a judge and say these parents are either unwilling or unable to care for their children. They would need to provide ongoing evidence of that, and it would appear that you are very supported by your therapists who say you are doing well and recovering. It would be hard to gather evidence against you under those circumstances.
I agree with the medics that normalising the children's experience is the best thing to do. Your ex-husband is being mean and nasty, and despite his ramblings that you are unfit, (through no fault of your own,- how dare he) your current husband isn't, so the ex wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
Children generally go into care/or are placed with a different parent because neither custodial parent is willing or able to parent their child for whatever reason. That is just not an issue in your case, and in fact were someone to notify the authorities about you, you would be treated with enormous empathy. You have no reason to be afraid
Take good care of yourself.
Glasgow